Your opinions please - is this mysogenistic drivel or is it just me?

[Watchthisface]

Name change as my friends are in this group. The owner of this dieting/fitness company posted this and I’m alarmed at how many women who identify as having experienced domestic abuse have agreed with it. I’m feeling very angry - do you think I am over reacting?

It’s a public group so I hope I’m not breaking any rules .

www.facebook.com/625379420885792/posts/3156041037819605/?d=n

[MoltenLasagne]

“I could of broke her”, but he wants an award because he didn’t??

Yes, I also get this creeping feeling that he'd be someone who expects her to feel grateful for the fact he doesn't beat her. Like if they have an argument, he throws in her face that she's lucky he doesn't.

[ContentiousOne]

It's gross.

He's talking about her like she's a dog he's rehabilitated.
It's all kinds of wrong to me.

I only want to hear Rachel's story from Rachel.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Weeeelllll he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. And definitely a bit of a twat. Would I date him? No. Far too stupid for me ("would of" 🙄)

But he means well and some women like that old fashioned dynamic. If you're nice do you really have to say it? Often it's a red flag but with this type of man not always. He wants to be a hero so let him.

I had a man like this save my dog and I'm nothing but grateful. Does he want to be praised for it? Yes. Is that worse than el fun who want to be praised for being pretty and who spend hours on selfies? Certainly not.

Horses for courses I say. Live and let live and if it's not your thing leave the group.

I slso like how blunt he is about how DV is targeted - women need to hear this. They need to know there ARE men out there scanning for weakness. Don't shoot the messenger because in his clumsy way he's doing us a favour.

[Clymene]

Fucking hell, that's hideous. Without me, you were nothing (and there's a coded - I built you so I can break you too - subtext). Grim, creepy and I feel sorry for Rachel

[IheartJKR]

he’s doing us a favour

He’s not doing me a fucking favour. I don’t need ‘educated’ by him or any other man.

[biggirlknickers]

I think it was well meant but poorly expressed. And it is quite eye opening - revealing an underlying sexism that I suspect is shared by most ordinary men.

He probably is a genuinely nice guy - but not particularly clever, which makes it difficult to question or hide the ingrained sexism he has been indoctrinated with alongside the rest of averagely intelligent society.

[IndecentFeminist]

I don't think it was well intended at all, who even thinks like that? Who recognises a person they can defeat and then prides themselves on not doing it?

[twoHopes]

I'd like to comment as I've been in an abusive relationship but this feels like such an invasion of this woman's privacy. I hope he got her consent before he posted all of that. As PP have said - this very personal story should be coming from her not from him.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@IheartJKR I hear you. But his 'target audience' of not terribly bright people of a certain type might be different. A lot of people have no awareness of this stuff and walk blindly into appalling relationships - sometimes the blinding obvious needs to be said.

He obviously knows some right pricks and is unwittingly exposing man of his own gender - something men are very very reluctant to do as they usually stick together at all costs denying DV even exists or that there's any deliberate element to it.

If his message is educating women who have been brought up without realising how the world is, or who don't have much in the way of critical thinking skills then good.

These women are not going to be on a feminism thread on mumsnet. Or reading the guardian or the times.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Sorry - Apple typos. Plus tired. Unwittingly exposing those of his own gender!

Blindingly obvious.

[IndecentFeminist]

To think that way implies to me that he has the potential to be an abuser himself. It's a mindset.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

I think it means he lives in the type of world where some men are openly abusive. It's a culture, a class thing. He's warning these women what goes on and giving them a window into a world that they may not know existed. Knowledge is power after all.

We may not like it but we can't pretend it doesn't exist.

[Clymene]

I know men like this exist @Vodkacranberryplease. But he's not doing me - or Rachel - a favour. He's not a hero and it's dangerous for women to think that men like him are.

Rachel is not a project (nor your dog - what the fuck does that have to do with anything?), she is an adult human female who this bloke is treating as not quite human and certainly not an adult. Men who don't think of women as equal humans are dangerous.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I couldn’t get to the end of it for many reasons. He gave me a massively uneasy feeling the whole way through. I would hate for someone to talk about me like that. If a man said to me that he knew he could make or break me, I would want to be as far away from him as possible.

I am unlikely to be a sufferer of abuse based on his description. I am loud, appear confident and very outspoken. I know what is right and am not afraid to speak up for those I feel are mistreated. However, that doesn’t mean I won’t ever be manipulated or slowly worn down by someone determined to ‘break me’. Telling women that men seek out the weak ones to abuse puts the blame back on women for ‘allowing’ themselves to be weak. Nope. The blame is entirely on the man.

[IheartJKR]

@Vodkacranberryplease

I disagree with everything you have said.
He is not exposing men of his own gender sex.

He’s exposing himself.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

I couldn't read it all either! Skimmed through it feeling angry!

Unconscious sexism is just another way of saying it is so ingrained in him he breathes it!

That was all so arrogant, victim blaming, god complex, superhero, knight in shining armour, opperssive and really quite threatening!

If I were her and read that I'd run! Using all of those muscles he so kindly built for me!

[Staplemaple]

Grim. The bit about the friends doesn't sound controlling at all, there's one that doesn't like me but she's a good friend to her so I wouldn't steer her away. Wow what a hero.

[twoHopes]

However, that doesn’t mean I won’t ever be manipulated or slowly worn down by someone determined to ‘break me’.

Yes this is 100% true. I honestly think my ex could have broken anyone: he was a master manipulator. Everyone has insecurities somewhere, we're all human. Women should be taught how to recognise abuse in its early stages and how to escape it - not told they'll be fine if they lose some weight. One of the biggest problems I see with women in abusive relationships is that they don't realise what they're experiencing is abuse - they think they're the ones at fault. That was the same with me.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Sorry @Vodkacranberryplease I wanted to think through your post. It jangled something in myhead!

I think it means he lives in the type of world where some men are openly abusive. Yep, he most certainly does.

It's a culture, a class thing. Yes, we've all seen it, we know the spaces and places they inhabit. We can see them, no matter where they go. If they step outside their usual habitat they take the stink of it with them!

He's warning these women what goes on I can see that is his surface and intended message but I feel quite scared by his aparent kindness!

giving them a window into a world that they may not know existed. That's it! You don't know it exists but look what it can do. He can post all of that and many men and women will think he is a bloody hero! Master manipulator more like. It's truly creepy!

Knowledge is power after all. Yes. He knows exactly how to be king in his own castle.

But those of us stood back from him can see more clearly how corrupt he is!

[RoyalCorgi]

He feels like an absolute superhero for, er, not abusing her. As far as I can tell from that post, all he has done is be a normal human being. It says so much that he feels it’s worthy of that many words in a self congratulatory post.

Quite! What an extraordinarily self-important little man. If my spelling was that bad, I wouldn't feel quite as pleased with myself as he does.

Amazed at the comments telling him how great he is. I can't believe it's 2020 and this is still the way men and women relate to each other.

[IndecentFeminist]

I think he's telling her and the world what he could do. He chooses not to, but could. I find that fucking creepy, he could abuse and control her but has chosen not to. That has the underlying message of 'for now'.

She was a perfectly perfect human being before he met her, regardless of her dress size.

[CasuallyMasculine]

Ugh - it makes my skin crawl the way he talks about Rachel as if she’s a dilapidated house he’s renovated.

Mate - you’re meant to treat women with respect because it’s the right thing to do. Not because you want to brag about what a king you are for doing it.

[QuentinWinters]

It's awful. I hope Rachel is ok.

[Watchthisface]

@biggirlknickers

i it was well meant but poorly expressed. And it is quite eye opening - revealing an underlying sexism that I suspect is shared by most ordinary men.

He probably is a genuinely nice guy - but not particularly clever, which makes it difficult to question or hide the ingrained sexism he has been indoctrinated with alongside the rest of averagely intelligent society

I agree. I don’t think it’s that he’s an awful person, I think it just so sad that this is a reflection of what some men think, and what those men think that most men need to fight this ingrained ability to control women.

Thanks to all the posters who are a member of RH, it’s been interesting reading your posts.

[Clymene]

I don't think he's a genuinely nice guy. He's posting her weight on the internet as a topic of shame (but he fell for her anyway, even though she was a fat cow). FYI I had a look at a photo of them. She's quite tall - 5'6 or 5'7 I'd say. Her heifer size is within a normal weight for that height.

He's a horrible sexist creep who thinks he's a nice guy. There's a difference.