What would you say to your young feminist self?

[jewel1968]

I came across some books by feminist authors (Atwood and French) I read when I was much younger woman and started to read them. It got me thinking about the woman I am today compared to the woman I thought I might have become. I have at times accepted some of the gender stereotyping without too much challenge but knowing in my heart it is nonsense.

Got me thinking about stuff and wondered if others managed to navigate life holding on to their feminist principles or if other women made comprises?

@MrsTerryPratchett could you recommend some good African feminists to add to my reading list?

This thread should be read by every young female

Examine your attitude to work. As a female, working hard does not necessarily result in greater financial reward or influence, and can often mean exploitation. Find another way.

Adopt a realistic and practical attitude to money. Money is freedom; it gives you options. Do not feel sorry for people who refuse to earn and then help them financially when you do not have enough money to protect yourself. Always have the resources and funds to be able to withdraw from a situation.

The reality of women's lives will not actually hit you until you are in your mid 30s when you realise, one day, that there are hardly any women of your age group working for your employer, that you are only one of a handful and it is because you have no children.

It will hit you just how bad the situation is when you hit 40 and realise that none of your fiercely intelligent and hardworking female friends have achieved professional success, but a number of very average old male friends have achieved success quite beyond their aptitude. You will muse for months about why this is the case until you realise it was because, as males, they could pursue avenues that are very difficult for females to follow.

I’d say ‘now listen - you might not believe me, and I’ve not gone mad... but there will be a day when an organisation whose sole focus is on menopause acknowledges the experiences of those ‘other ‘ than women...

Oh yes people, they did...

I'd say that until you've had a baby, you kinda don't get it. So hold those opinions until you're a bit older and wiser.

I'd also say that men aren't the enemy. A good man is your ally.

And also this, from a PP

ll the stuff has to be done by someone. Whether it's bringing in money, care giving, running a house. You do it yourself or as a couple or you outsource.

When you have a child, all the stuff has to be done. It isn't invisible. You do it, he does it, or you pay someone else to do it. The former option will suck you dry, the middle option will be hard-won and may possibly ruin your relationship from the effort required to win-it, and the latter option is the easiest and the most visible to him.

Trying again - don't know what I said in the previous post that broke the rules.

I would say Expect the unexpected. Never think we've made so much progress that the next generations won't even question women's rights.

And please stop convincing yourself that left-wing men are natural feminists, if they would just realise it! Their support will be hard-won, when you occasionally win it, and they will drop you like yesterday's toys when they see something shinier.

Has anyone watched Mrs America. Would be interesting to see a drama set in UK around that time.

Your head mistress was right to rename all the school houses in your all girls school after women

Don’t under estimate how much men are only interested in anything you have to say if they want to have sex with you

The fact you can’t have children will be used to try & divide you from other women. Don’t let that happen

You were right, Society is designed with men as the default

I doubt I'd have believed it and wouldn't have properly understood it but what Nixon said about enemies and hate was absolutely right. If I could have digested that fully, it would have saved me a great deal of pain as a student and early in my career.

I love this thread. Thank you everyone for sharing your wisdom.

Dear Young Feminist Self
Take some time out in 2019 for yourself, travelling around the world, visiting old friends and places you've always wanted to see. (DH and the older teens will be fine).

Have a massive Christmas celebrating with all your friends and family, (especially those living in the North of England!).

In Jan 2020 move all your investments (which have done SO well in the previous decade) into bonds and cash.

I would tell myself to not spend a single penny on all those crap diet and 'beauty' products and save for a house instead. Having your own place to live, in your own name is more important than looking pretty for boys.

I read a lot of the books, Greer etc, took classes and argued a lot but still had a deep desire to be pretty. I would give myself a good talking to about cognitive dissonance.

Has anyone watched Mrs America. Yes, glued to it. I met some of the feminists at various events, and followed the ERA saga avidly. I knew of the dreaded Phyllis Schlafly, but nothing of her background. Cate Blanchett does a good job of bringing an unsympathetic character to life.

Would be interesting to see a drama set in UK around that time.
That would be fascinating - and would undoubtedly trigger some heated disagreements! Or have we all mellowed over the decades? Bigger threats, and losses, to unite us now.

Love this thread! I’m pregnant with my first and reading with interest from women who are saying ‘reserve judgement until you have kids’. Have always been a feminist and partly chose my uni because Germaine Greer was on the faculty and I wanted to go to her lectures, but pregnancy has already been a massive eye-opener for this feminist!

I’d say to my younger self: don’t become a teacher! Though it’s a wonderful, massively important job that great for loads of people; let’s face it, you wouldn’t be going into it if you were a man as it doesn’t suit your personality.

Aim high and don't be embarrassed about your ambition. Ask questions about diversity in interviews. Look on a company’s website to see how many older, experienced women there have on the exec board/leadership team. Stop spending so much of your cash on things to make you look pretty!

@jewel1968

Has anyone watched Mrs America. Would be interesting to see a drama set in UK around that time.

Made in Dagenham is based in the 60s so is a bit earlier but is about the fight for equal pay for women. Ironically the theme song has lyrics written by Billy Bragg.

I've only recently looked properly into what feminism is and what it means today..
Thankfully, all the research I've been doing has led to me leaving a difficult relationship. Although he did his fair share of housework and childcare, it was because he never wanted to work and he literally told me that at the beginning! 10 years in and I got tired of trying to change him.
I have a little girl and I'm hoping to be a great role model for her. She has a dad and a mum and I don't need another man in my life, I'll do my best to do it all!
No more being dictated to, can't wait for the day I can go out and do my own thing without waiting for the moaning haha

Ironically the theme song has lyrics written by Billy Bragg.

Painfully ironic. I’d swear Billy Bragg used to be on ordinary people’s side, and I loved him. Undoubtedly he believes all the propaganda, but it’s no excuse. Even if he believes the wooo, I’d have thought an inborn sense of fairness would have put in a word for women.

I'd say: "You know all the stuff you're fighting for? When you're in your late 50s, a load of people, organisations and political parties will decide you don't need any of it, believe a load of things that you won't believe they're believing and prioritise a small group of men's feelings instead."

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

Ironically the theme song has lyrics written by Billy Bragg.

Painfully ironic. I’d swear Billy Bragg used to be on ordinary people’s side, and I loved him. Undoubtedly he believes all the propaganda, but it’s no excuse. Even if he believes the wooo, I’d have thought an inborn sense of fairness would have put in a word for women.

I always thought he was a wrong ‘un but it wasn’t ‘right’ to say that so I said nothing. I’m definitely saying it now - with examples.

I used to read a lot around feminist and social issues but at some point got complacent and got left behind. I would tell myself...
One day you will want kids, you will have a daughter and suddenly realise what bullshit girls are fed from an early age. You will learn that there is a boys toy section and a girls toys section and be horrified by not only that but all the ironing boards in the girls' section. In 2017 you will see that girls' clothes will be see through, skimpy and have slogans like "Sparkle and Dream About Unicorns" and the boys' say "I will change the world". You will be so horrified you will take photos. You will find yourself telling your daughter that Cinderella should have got to know the prince before she married him and the prince shouldn't have kissed Sleeping Beauty... you will meet other mums who say things like "daddy is in the doghouse for not doing the bins. Bins is a boy's job" and see all the other women nodding away and joining in... you will worry what on earth kind of world your daughter is going to grow up it....
Basically you will realise that although your immediate microcosm is ok and you have surrounded yourself, finally, with decent people, the rest of the world is still in a mess and there is such a long way to go.

Oh, and there's no harm in applying for jobs you don't fully meet the criteria for then trying to negotiate better pay and leave if you get offered them.

Forgot about Made in Dagenham. Will watch. I remember when my eldest DS was a little baby I bought him some little sandals - they were white with a little flower. When I got them home DP says to me in a shocked voice - they're for girls. I then had to traipse back to the shop to return them and the shop assistant asked me for the reason. I said they were girl's sandals and my baby was a boy. She laughed uproariously. Asked me if I had been hoping for a girl.

At the time I knew it was nonsense but in my sleep deprived, new baby state I went along with the nonsense. I think when you are at a low ebb you accept bullshit.

No, the progress we've made will not hold. All those amazing courses and meetings will fade into history - DO NOT LET DOWN YOUR GUARD YOU IDIOT - because when you are 65 you will find yourself working harder than you ever did at 25 to save women's rights .