A (very small) victory, thanks to FWR

[cheeseismydownfall]

My two younger children attend an excellent state village primary school, lead by an experienced, sensible female headteacher.

Since the beginning of lock down, the school has focused heavily on the #bekind message, with lots of arts and crafts activities and messages from the teaching staff on the importance of 'being kind'. It wouldn't even have occurred to me to question this - it seems such a simple, innocent message, right? - until my eyes have been opened over recent weeks to how messaging such as this, without proper context, can undermine a child's confidence in dealing with right and wrong, and, more seriously, matters of consent and abuse. And how important it is that we teach both girls and boys that their feelings count too, and that they should not always be worrying about 'being kind'.

Yesterday I finally got the courage to email the headteacher explaining my concerns around this. This is very unlike me - I don't like confrontation (I know, I know) especially if it feels like I am contradicting someone with more expertise than me. But she emailed me back almost directly and said that she both 'heard and agreed' with my view, and that from next week they would be refocusing the message on safety, right and wrong, and having the confidence to speak up.

So, from Monday, 200 children will be being told that it is OK to think critically about matters of right and wrong, and to stand up for themselves.

I know that this isn't directly related to the more divisive issues being discussed and fought by the women on this board, but it feels like part of the backdrop of challenging the blind acceptance of popular messaging and encouraging children to think for themselves.

I spoke to DH about it (he has previously been a school governor) and he said that when parents raise concerns like this, it can be hugely helpful for the school who may actually already be wanting to challenge the current prescribed ideology, but lack the evidence that it is what the majority of parents want.

So, thank you to the wise women of FWR for opening my eyes and giving me the confidence to start speaking our, albeit in a very small way.

Well done.

Sometimes, schools inadvertently push a seemingly good and innocent message without thinking a bit more deeply about the wider issues.

This is lovely to read. Well done op

Excellent. I think there is no need for casual nastiness but some people have interpreted "be kind" as "shut up don't argue and smile nicely"

So, from Monday, 200 children will be being told that it is OK to think critically about matters of right and wrong, and to stand up for themselves.

I know that this isn't directly related to the more divisive issues being discussed and fought by the women on this board, but it feels like part of the backdrop of challenging the blind acceptance of popular messaging and encouraging children to think for themselves.

I think it goes to the root of the current diversive issues, both cause and antidote.
Its great that you decided to write and I'm so pleased that you received such a response which will now benefit all the children.

👍

Brava! Kindness is admirable but it is of little use when faced with danger or injustice. Children take such messages so literally. Glad you spoke up.

Well done

That’s brilliant well done you

Amazing OP. Well done . Just goes to show, even one email can make a difference.

Sounds like you pushed an open door
The Head sounds pretty switched on.

Kindness is admirable but it is of little use when faced with danger or injustice.

Its always important to consider who is the kindness for & for whom are such demands unkind.

The nature of kindness needs to be unpicked to be better understood rather than discounted.
When faced with injustice or danger a 'kind' response is to protect the person/s at risk which may of course include the individual.

Congratulations OP

So, from Monday, 200 children will be being told that it is OK to think critically about matters of right and wrong, and to stand up for themselves.

That's fantastic cheese, bloody well done . It's so important, especially for girls, to be able to maintain and assertively defend their boundaries.

Brilliant! I dislike the #bekind thing for so many reasons. I wonder who's responsible for starting it?

That is excellent work - far from 'very small'!

One for my copied-and-pasted Folder of Inspiration for when I need to write and speak up. Thank you.

So, from Monday, 200 children will be being told that it is OK to think critically about matters of right and wrong, and to stand up for themselves.
This is, as a stand alone message, obvious fantastic.
But isn't it quite gobsmacking that the Head immediately accepted that this was the stuff that the "be kind" message was preventing, yet had pushed the "be kind" shite anyway??

Brilliant! Well done and thank you!

Take courage from this, those of you who have children in schools now (mine are grown up now) - you have a right to be directly involved in all aspects of your children’s education, and a right to question, challenge and ask for justification of materials used and what teaching is being done.

Yes!
Well done OP.

Excellent!

Excellent work OP especially knowing how hard that would've been for someone who doesn't like confrontation

Well done OP! We've known for years not to push our children into hugging/kissing relatives or friends and this bloody be kind thing was just accepted without question.

Thank you, you are all very kind . I'm honoured to have made it into Jelly's inspiration folder!

@R0wantrees, absolutely - I wouldn't suggest that the idea of kindness should be discounted. Just that it needs to be considered and reflected on. Take the example of a child who is new to the school and is alone in the playground at breaktime. It is simple to see that it would be a kind act for another child to invite the new child to join their game, and that the school would be right to encourage children to behave kindly.

But swap out the new child for a child who has been relentlessly bullying another child for months and now finds themselves alone. Should the school expect the bullied child to 'be kind' in these circumstances? What if they bullying child says they are sorry - does that make a difference? This obviously throws up much more complicated issues around repentance, forgiveness and rehabilitation where there are no clear-cut answers. So in this case, the #bekind message is inadequate and risks undermining a vulnerable child's right to call out and be protected from bullying behaviour.

@R0wantrees, sorry, that came across as if I was disagreeing with you - I was meaning that I absolutely agree it needs to be unpicked!

Well done OP.

Boundaries are not unkind, and are a crucial part of safeguarding. You cannot teach a child, especially a female child, that someone being upset or angry at their 'no' means that saying 'no' is wrong.