I am finding this so, so hard. My views fall down somewhere in the middle of everything but I have no solutions, just moral questions and dilemmas.
It goes without saying that trans folk are vulnerable, and need protection. Many have been on a distressing life journey and face continued challenges. Discrimination against trans folk is not OK.
At the same time, I am a woman and I don't wish to be spoken over. It's taken a long, long time for our voice to be heard and it's already being shoved aside. And that's before we've even achieved equality. JKR summed up a lot of what I believe. I don't wish to be a person who menstruates. I am a woman and its core to my identity. I find it insulting that someone who just feels mentally like a woman but has a penis is apparently also a woman, just like me. I can't get behind that. Do our views really matter so little? I shouldn't be surprised really. Men always get to talk over us and lecture women about what they believe we should think and feel.
If a trans woman has surgery, I'm fine with her entering a single sex space. She will have boobs, a constructed vagina and no penis. I don't mind her being referred to as a woman, without the "trans" prefix.
I'm not OK with a trans woman entering female sports as she will have an unfair advantage from previous testosterone production/muscle growth.
I'm not OK with a pre-op trans woman entering a single sex space. They're not "a woman" - they still have a penis. They're a trans woman. I will support you, I will fight discrimination against you - but I won't share a single sex space with you.
And then I question myself.......
What if one of my children were trans? What if my son identified as a trans woman? Forcing him to use male facilities would put him at huge risk of attack from predatory or transphobic males. Even though I would know he's not a danger, it's unfair to allow him into a female only space. It leaves him horribly isolated.
I think it's right to challenge my own views. Putting one of my children hypothetically in that situation is, I find, quite a useful way of thinking about how the other side might feel. The trouble is, it just creates more questions than answers.
Is the solution to create a third area for pre-op trans folk - or does this leave them further marginalised and not truly part of either gender? Or maybe it's a third area for all those who don't identify with a gender - such as non-binary too? Non-binary support groups say non-binary folk should be able to use whichever bathroom they want - male or female - so maybe they do fit better into a third area too along with pre-op trans?
And as I'm letting it all out, I don't get non-binary either. I've known loads of women over the years who hated all things feminine with a raging passion and firmly rejected all stereotypical expression of their gender - but they also weren't "masculine" nor did they feel like men. Think androgynous. They are women but with an identity in direct contrast to the norms of gender expression - but weren't labelled as non-binary and were fine. They were just women, their biological sex, which they chose to express in their own personal way. I don't understand why we need a non-binary label. I've really, really tried to understand but it just seems to complicate matters without helping. To be fair, probably not aided by famous non-binary people like Sam Smith who are utterly attention-seeking and the perpetual victim.
I feel like the world's biggest prick writing all of this. Like I'm a terrible, bigoted right-wing person - and I'm really, really not. My politics are firmly to the left. Nor did I vote for Brexit. People who know me would be shocked this is what I think.
With my horrible views I feel like a cuckoo in the nest.
I cannot imagine how terrible it must feel to believe that you are in the wrong body. To be so utterly certain of that fact that you're willing to ultimately undergo radical surgery to amputate your penis or chop off your breasts. I absolutely want to be kind and inclusive.
I want a discussion where people don't fling hatred just because you have reservations about a person with a penis being in a woman's refuge.
Maybe there's things we don't know yet. Twitter had a really interesting thread from a marine biologist which talked about buried sex markers which was a fascinating read. Maybe as science progresses we'll learn more about a biological reason for all of this. Who knows?
I think.....that at least for now, it's right to align gender with your sex - and if you have female genitals (either birth or constructed) you can use "woman". If not, then it's a trans identity.
I feel like the worst person even admitting this is all what I think. And I'm open to someone convincing me why I'm wrong but I've not heard anything persuasive so far.