Birth in a time of coronavirus

[CaraDune]

It's that rare thing - an informative and moving Guardian article:

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jun/04/more-births-car-park-midwifes-experience-covid-19-crisis
(Heads up - contains very sad discussion of still birth )

I was particularly struck by this, though:
"The postnatal ward is a lovely place to be at the moment. The curtains are open, and women are helping each other and bonding in a way that we thought was a thing of the past. One of the things we will probably review is how often partners are allowed in. Now that is not happening, there is a spirit of female empowerment and togetherness. Those who have had babies before are helping first-timers with breastfeeding, for example. There is also the ability to share stories and to come to terms with your birth experience."

That is such a beautiful excerpt. Women only spaces are so powerful in ways which the world we're used to just doesn't understand as power. It gives me hope.

Thank you for sharing this, thought provoking and beautifully written.

The ability to confirm shared reality in women-only groups, and the result that the individual women come out of them much harder to fool, is probably the reason why misogyny has fought women's groups and suppressed them for as long as history.

The tools change, but the goals are the same.

As someone who had their first baby five days ago - bullshit about the postnatal ward. In a time when I felt at my absolute most vulnerable, caring for a baby while recovering from a birth, I felt so unbelievably lonely and isolated. Not being able to have a visitor or have my husband be their with his first child was awful. The lack of privacy on the ward made so much worse as any attempt to complain or close your curtains was met with an ‘it’s fine, there are no men on the ward’. I actually felt like I was in an institution.

So sorry Hiphopopotamus about your experience. It must have been so difficult for you at this frightening time. Hope that baby Hiphopotamus is now making up for it [flowers

I totally can get behind this. Allow visiting, but equally visitors shouldn’t be allowed 24/7 and any visitor breaking rules/being disrespectful should be thrown out. The visitors watching Netflix with the volume up - thrown out. The visitors telling woman/babies to be quiet - thrown out.

If you want your partner there 24/7 personally either pay private/have a home birth but don’t inflict your partner on me.

How are women helping other women on the post natal ward?

They surely aren't encouraging patients to get that close to other patients are they?

Dc2 was born during the restrictions, I cried all night being away from DP after an emergency c sec. I was shattered after labour then surgery. No one cared or maybe they didnt notice, either way it was nothing like the experience I had at the same hospital with DC1 which was calm and all partners were respectful of noise levels and others

DS was born the week before lockdown but the hospital was very much on high alert and starting to struggle.
^ My experience was nothing like this. Post natal ward was awful, I’m still in counselling and DS is 3 months now. I was stuck in a side room at 11pm (heavily sleep deprived and barely able to move enough to reach the loo) only time I saw a midwife all night was when I rang for one desperate for pain relief. I was broken, cold, scared and left to my own devices.

I was incredibly lucky DH got to stay with me else I couldn’t have managed DS at all. I just cried all night, the bleeding was a nightmare. First thing the next morning they asked if I wanted to stay, I said no (I really wasn’t well enough to leave though) and they happily let me go. It was pretty clear they did not want people staying and were obviously gearing up for CV!

I've only visited a maternity ward a few times but the ones I've seen are 4 bed rooms (different hospitals) with a few 6 beds. Surely it would be possible to divide postnatal into new mothers that want visitors and those who only want the company of staff and other new mothers? I understand there would be difficulties if the beds approached maximum occupancy but generally, it seems like preferences could be met.

I'm just astounded that any hospital is encouraging, or even allowing, patients to approach other patients and get close enough to provide breast feeding support. How on earth are they protecting patients from getting infected with COVID19?

That has to be a massive no no from an infection control standpoint?

So sorry to hear how tough it's been for you Hipho and Bubbles.

I suppose my view is coloured by my experience which was desperately trying to pump to feed my low birthweight infant, in the nurses' room which was near the entrance to the ward, while what felt like an endless succession of blokes trooped past. Every single one of them looked. I've never felt so exposed in my life. (Yes there was a screen. I was exhausted and sleep deprived and hadn't got it in the right place).

A women's only space would have been lovely for me.

LavenderLotus, unless there are complications and/or you have to have a Caesarian, you'll be going home quickly so won't be on your own for long.

I really do hope everything goes smoothly for you and you are not stuck in hospital for days. I would have hated that and went home the next day but sometimes people are discharged the same day they are delivered so think positively. Also you may not be in pain after giving birth; if you have stitches they 'tug' and feel sore but apart from that, you could well feel absolutely fine. I hope so.

Good luck and congratulations.

Sorry but I'm pregnant and desperate for restrictions to be lifted by the time baby comes in December so DH can stay with me.

A pragmatic solution to the problem of some people wanting partners there and others wanting a female only space though would be to split the ward into two sections. One partners allowed, one female only, you choose where you'd rather be. Most wards would be large enough for this I would think.

I'm due mid next month and deaperately anxious about DH having to leave. To be honest I don't care about a 'women's only space' or bonding with strangers. I want my partner there, I want my curtain closed and I want to be out asap.

For those who are understandably anxious about giving birth, can I offer some reassurance - a relative gave birth in the last week and she was out and home with partner the same day, no extended stay in a ward.

Interesting isn't it how the women who are actually pregnant or have just had a baby are not at all happy with the restrictions - it is a really shit time to be pregnant/giving birth at the moment. But the posters who don't actually find themselves in this situation are somehow celebrating it?!

I acknowledge that in some hospitals, men have been allowed too many freedoms on the postnatal wards, some men have not respected the mothers' privacy, and a few have taken the piss. That is an issue and it needs to be addressed, probably by ensuring stricter segregation of spaces, limiting visitor hours and enforcing the rules better.

But the coronavirus restrictions are not a fucking magic solution. The human rights of women during pregnancy and childbirth have been severely restricted and often to a disproportionate and unjustifiable degree. Hospitals have banned ALL birth partners and visitors, not just men. In most cases this means women get no support at all, apart from a busy midwife occasionally checking in, and you get good and bad midwives, as with any profession. Many hospitals have completely banned home births and/or ELCS which means that women who would have chosen those options for whatever reason (sometimes PTSD due to traumatic previous birth) are denied that choice. In most cases a woman is only allowed a birth partner when the midwife decides that she's in "active labour" which means that women are essentially being coerced into vaginal examinations (since dilation is the preferred method of determining whether they're in active labour).

But sure, never mind all that - with no men on postnatal wards, it must all be great for women 🙄

Sounds awful. I don’t want to “bond” with random women who just happen to be having a baby the same time as me; I want my husband there to support me.

AnotherEmma

What I found particularly heartbreaking in that article was how the hospital is dealing with women who have had a stillbirth. Apparently many women don't want to see the baby straight away but because of restrictions they have no other opportunity now to see baby.

How horrific is that? I wonder if those women are also forced to stay on their own in hospital post natally too?

Who will they have to support them? Surely not other women who have just given birth?

I agree, it's awful.
The tone of the article is rather predictable. Sugar coating it rather. Isn't the NHS great, aren't we doing brilliantly?! Er I'm sure you're doing your best but it's not perfect mate.

"Antenatal classes are online and a lot of care is delivered by telephone; it seems to have worked very well."
Ha. It might work well for some women but not all. For example, I have PGP and a history of depression, and I find pregnancy yoga hugely beneficial to my physical and mental well-being - but doing it at home is not the same. I also had a phone appointment with the physio instead of F2F, which is pointless.

I'm due to give birth in the next week or so (not my first). The hospital here is about an hour away, plus add usually an hour to park. They've advised that basically DH should drive up to the door, I'll get let in and IF they agree I'm in active labour by then, they'll let him in too. Wtf? How are we supposed to judge the timing of all that? Last time it took days! I had to be in hospital nearly a week last time too. Other people's visitors were a bit annoying maybe, but I for one would much rather have my DH, (and DD) be able to visit. I'm happy to help any new mum if I can/they ask but I'm sure most will actually want privacy. They'll be testing us all for COVID-19 but still, let's not pretend that this is some kind of idyllic situation! It's the midwives who should be helping with breastfeeding etc but usually they are too few and too busy. Last time I literally got told I couldn't be in labour yet because there was nobody available to see me. That's at one of the top maternity hospitals in the UK.

Interesting isn't it how the women who are actually pregnant or have just had a baby are not at all happy with the restrictions - it is a really shit time to be pregnant/giving birth at the moment. But the posters who don't actually find themselves in this situation are somehow celebrating it?!

I'm not sure this is entirely fair, it's not like other women have not had babies. I've had four, and I'm of the view that the encouragement to have partners stay all hours or even overnights in some cases has basically been a way to get along with too little nursing care, and it is in many instances a problem for other women in a ward situation - even when the fathers in question are entirely polite and respectful.

At the same time, there has been a significant cultural change toward people being less likely to be social with those they haven't met, and married couples being each others main social support in general. And the company of other patients in no way makes up for lack of staff.

BaronessFloralBunting Tue 09-Jun-20 11:59:41
For those who are understandably anxious about giving birth, can I offer some reassurance - a relative gave birth in the last week and she was out and home with partner the same day, no extended stay in a ward.
....
That is very encouraging, Baroness and it's how it is for most people who have an uncomplicated birth. Dad will be present at the birth and be able to stay until mum is settled on the ward surely. Then he can come back later and collect them both to take home.

Crikey, generalization much? I said I liked the excerpt Cara posted, I didn't say the coronavirus restrictions were a magic solution for anything. I also shared that my relative didn't have to stay in as a number of women had expressed their anxiety about having to do so without adequate support. But I'm apparently 'celebrating' the current situation because I said that women only spaces can be powerful and I should be dismissed because I'm not actually pregnant right now? Riiight.