Birth in a time of coronavirus

[CaraDune]

It's that rare thing - an informative and moving Guardian article:

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jun/04/more-births-car-park-midwifes-experience-covid-19-crisis
(Heads up - contains very sad discussion of still birth )

I was particularly struck by this, though:
"The postnatal ward is a lovely place to be at the moment. The curtains are open, and women are helping each other and bonding in a way that we thought was a thing of the past. One of the things we will probably review is how often partners are allowed in. Now that is not happening, there is a spirit of female empowerment and togetherness. Those who have had babies before are helping first-timers with breastfeeding, for example. There is also the ability to share stories and to come to terms with your birth experience."

I'm due to give birth in the next week or so (not my first). The hospital here is about an hour away, plus add usually an hour to park. They've advised that basically DH should drive up to the door, I'll get let in and IF they agree I'm in active labour by then, they'll let him in too. Wtf? How are we supposed to judge the timing of all that? Last time it took days!

I'd try and work toward putting off going to hospital until you are in active labour, unless they have told you there are medical reasons you can't. You might find it easier to have a sense of that having already done it once.

"Dad will be present at the birth and be able to stay until mum is settled on the ward surely."

"Surely" indeed....
It's not a given that fathers (or other birth partners) will be present at the birth. In some hospitals they were banned completely (not sure if that's still the case). Even if they are allowed, the rule about active labour only means that in some cases they might actually miss the birth.

And no, they're not allowed to stay until the mum is settled on the ward. Some hospitals allow them to stay for an hour or two after the birth (presumably while the mother and baby are still in the delivery room) but they're not usually allowed in the postnatal ward at all.

I know 3 women who have given birth during lockdown and all 3 had a pretty horrendous experience. Midwives were extremely helpful as always but they were still left to care for a newborn all day and all night with very little respite while also trying to recover from birth. One ended up so sleep deprived she fainted. When I gave birth the only thing that got me through the long nights of constant feeding was knowing DH would be in at 7am and I could get some sleep.

If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance.

In the times before men were normally coming in to births etc, babies were often kept in the nursery for the night. There were downsides to that of course but in a way it's more realistic than expecting a woman who has just given birth to do it. Which is something that really should be addressed in any case, because even under normal circumstances many women don't have someone there with them at night. I have particularly bad memories with my son, even in a private room, because the medication was making me dizzy, it had been a very tiring birth, I was attached to my bed by a catheter, and my husband was home taking care of two young kids at night. If anyone had asked I'd have jumped at the chance of giving him o the nurses for a few hours.

"If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance."

Which is never going to happen, given the woeful state of the NHS and maternity care after god knows how long of underfunding, staff shortages and selling it off to private companies.

If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance

YUP, seconded! As an avid ‘partners/a birth partner should be allowed on post natal wards’ I would happily step down from my soap box if adequate support were in place to care for the baby whilst also allowing mum to recover.

The midwife who discharged me actually had a huge rant about this when I pointed out how I’d never have coped had DH not stayed overnight with me (I could barely move). She said something along the lines of...

‘It’s madness, there’s not a single other ward In this place that would allow a patient to do anything for themselves if they’d gone through physical trauma, or major surgery, and they’re staffed to deal with that...but because it’s babies women here are expected to look after themselves and a little one.’

By the time I made it to post natal (about 11pm) I would happily have sent DS to a nursery. I was sleep deprived, physically devastated and emotionally traumatised.

Totally agree that we need far more midwifes and HCP on postnatal wards.

I do get that many women want their partners there overnight. But the problem is that this means having other people's partners there too. I certainly didn't want to stumble into someone else's bloke in the middle of the night when I was dripping blood from one end and milk from the other.

I quite like the suggestion upthread of splitting ward bays according to whether partners are there or not. When I had DS (low birthweight, as I mentioned upthread) it made a huge difference to me when it became apparent we'd be in there for a while that the nurses were able to move me to a smaller bay with less beds in it.

Yeah - I don't get why they allow males on the ward outside of visiting hours and certainly not overnight.

I gave birth nearly 3 weeks ago. The restrictions made things particularly unpleasant during labour as although I was 4cm when I arrived, they wouldn't send me to delivery as they said I wasn't advanced enough (they also mentioned how busy they were so probably not enough space). So I was sent on 2 agonising (and embarrassing!) walks around the hospital and also left in a triage bay for a couple of hours completely alone. I found this made the pain really hard to manage. Understandably this slowed my progress and I had to push to be admitted to antenatal for some pain relief. Antenatal was really pleasant as no partners and really quiet and I actually dilated to 10cm within a couple of hours once I actually got some privacy but it would have been nice to have DH/any birth partner with me. I was then rushed to delivery and he arrived just for the pushing. So definitely didn't get the birth I wanted however I'm pleased he made it in the end. Postnatal ward was curtains all closed and quite quiet but not very relaxing, I was desperate to leave ASAP and only managed to do so as I knew a paediatrician who thankfully was on shift and able to come in the evening to do a postnatal check. I think I'd have preferred visitors allowed but maybe reduced hours so it's less of a free for all

PulpHorn
I'm sorry but not surprised to hear about your experience
Congratulations on your new baby!

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Maybe because in some situations (not all but a fair few) mum is unable physically or emotionally to care for the tiny person she just spent 48 hours+ trying to get out of her body and the NHS don’t seem to think that’s their problem.

If mum were in hospital a few months PP with the similar physical damage and baby were up in the children’s ward with a separate medical issue...no one would expect her to be traipsing between the two providing care for herself and baby. I’m not sure what it is about birth that makes the NHS feel exempt from providing adequate support.

I don’t actually mind who it is, husband, partner, mum, friend...women who have just given birth do deserve support and care.

If mum were in hospital a few months PP with the similar physical damage and baby were up in the children’s ward with a separate medical issue...no one would expect her to be traipsing between the two providing care for herself and baby. I’m not sure what it is about birth that makes the NHS feel exempt from providing adequate support.

That is a very very good point. When I had DS I was up and about and walking him round and round the maternity wing to try to soothe his crying pretty much as soon as the catheter was out and my epidural had worn off after the C section. Recently I had my gall bladder out - the surgery floored me for 6 weeks.

It shouldn't have to be partners - there should be adequate staffing on maternity wards.

YetAnotherSpartacus Tue 09-Jun-20 14:41:36
Yeah - I don't get why they allow males on the ward outside of visiting hours and certainly not overnight.
.......

I didn't know about it until I read on here. It has only been in recent years I think. Dads used to be with wife for birth and a little while after, then went home and came back at visiting time. Most mothers go home fairly quickly if there are no complications. I can't imagine a dad wanting to stay in a ward all night anyway with loads of other people they don't know and it must be horrible for all the other new mothers having strange men around, even well behaved ones.

Having dads stay in is part of a drive to get dads more involved in looking after their small children right from the start. Which, tbh, I would have thought would have support on a feminism board.

i'm due with my first at the end of October, and i m quite nervous about being stuck alone on a ward with no help as understandably the midwives won't be able to help everyone at the same time.

I'm 5 minutes away from the hospital so if I can't deliver at the midwife unit and end up on the ward then I'm going to be having a polite discussion about my concern for my mental health if I can't be discharged and about the risks of self-discharging baring in mind I'm so close if anything were to go wrong at home. I've lost a few relatives because the NHS couldn't help them so any hospital ward makes me quite uncomfortable really. I really can't see myself talking to other mums on a ward when i won't want to be within a couple of meters of anyone that isn't a HCP or someone I know.

This wasn't the case for me either.

Baby born 5 weeks ago at the height of quarantine. All mothers and babies were put into private rooms where I am, all the 2 or 4 bed rooms were also only allowed 1 mother and baby to reduce contact.

So I arrived Saturday morning, baby born in the afternoon. Dh had to leave soon after. I didn't even see, let alone talk to another mother over the next 2 days. Everyone was kept in own rooms (en suite).

I had an 'easy' birth, no complications and baby was fine. But It was horrible being so alone the first 2 days after birth. Midwifes only came in twice per day for daily check on baby, and if you called emergency button. So for me that was never as no emergency. But it meant learning to breastfeed alone, having no one to talk to unless facetiming DH, had to try and shower in between screaming baby. Still uncomfortable obviously after, but no one to help change baby nappy, bath him after poop explosion, bend down to get stuff from bags etc... I didn't sleep from the friday night in labour, until home Monday evening, as baby wouldnt settle without being held and I was alone to do that.

I checked myself out asap and it was far better being home with Dh to help. Meant I could relax knowing if I slept an hour or two someone else could watch and hold baby, dh could reassure me feeding was ok, get me drinks, change nappy and wind baby after i had been feeding him an hour etc, so I actually got 10 mins alone time to drink, pee, etc..

@110APiccadilly

Having dads stay in is part of a drive to get dads more involved in looking after their small children right from the start. Which, tbh, I would have thought would have support on a feminism board.

I'd totally agree if there were the NHS resources for new parents to have a private room to themselves.

But because almost all post-natal wards are multiple occupancy what you are in fact saying to all the other women on the ward is "you now have to share overnight accommodation with unrelated males that you don't know from Adam." And this, I think, is very wrong in feminist terms.

"Having dads stay in is part of a drive to get dads more involved in looking after their small children right from the start."

It is no such thing. It's just a sticking plaster over the gaping wound that is the shocking inadequacy of care in postnatal wards. The NHS can't (or doesn't want to) provide more staff to care for the mothers and babies properly, so they let partners do it instead.

Fathers are used to relieve the pressure on midwives, without fathers there you would need a lot more midwives or support staff. The best solution would be as pp above mentioned to have the option of women only or women and partners.

DH was with me for most of my week hospital stay after birth, I was very very ill to begin with. This was several years ago. I was lucky that I had a private room, I doubt either of us would’ve been comfortable staying in a ward.

The one time he left for more than a couple of hours I was still physically incapable of putting my baby down and getting out of bed unassisted due to the birth injuries. I rang and rang the bell and no one came until I was eventually found sat in my own faeces crying and deep in panic attack. They simply hadn’t had a chance to get to me sooner.

I truly hope my experience is not being repeated, but with current restrictions I expect it is, to many women who deserve better.

I gave birth 2 months ago just as we went in to lockdown. I had an EMCS at about 5pm then visiting hours finished at 8pm. They changed the regs that day that dads had to go home instead of staying.

It was really bloody difficult. I couldn’t even lift my own baby, was sleep deprived and high on drugs and immobile from the section. The women on my ward were not the kind of people I’d have socialised with or had any desire to do given I’d just had my baby. I couldn’t have cared less if all the other dads were there, I really missed my DH and had to ring the bell for so much as picking up the baby.

I also felt terrible for him, he had a 3 hour baby he had to wave by to and go home on his own.

I certainly didn’t experience any women-bonding-female-positivity the article talks about

"But because almost all post-natal wards are multiple occupancy what you are in fact saying to all the other women on the ward is "you nowhaveto share overnight accommodation with unrelated males that you don't know from Adam." And this, I think, is very wrong in feminist terms"

You can close your curtain. You don't all have to see each other. I don't care about other males being there if I can close the curtain round and make a little bubble with my DH and baby.

Brandaris
I'm sorry that happened to you

I'm dreading giving birth in December if the current restrictions remain in force. In my hospital dads could not stay overnight, so when mine were born in the early hours he had to go home. I counted down the minutes until he could return in the day time to help me. I had to stay in for a few days with each and only managed because he was there to help. The midwives also took my first into the office for a few hours overnight as I was so exhausted and I will always be thankful for that!

@Brandaris

I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s very much my experience of postnatal ward but it feels as though ‘feminists’ on here would much rather over look, degrading humiliation and lack of support for women in their most vulnerable state of it means getting to ban men from another ‘women’s only’ area.

I’ve frequently seen ‘no men should be allowed to stay on post natal wards’ but it’s never followed up by ‘The NHS must provide adequate care instead’.

Sorry but unless you’re going to provide adequate care for me and baby DH is staying put.