Bringing up boys

[Mumoblue]

NC for this because I'm not sure how it will be received, maybe I'm just overthinking. I tend to do that.

I have a young baby son, and I'm thinking a lot about how to bring him up, obviously. It hit me early on how gendered the world is over silly things. For example he was born with a lot of hair and many people are already telling me he needs a haircut 'soon' - he's not even 6 months yet!
And I saw a few threads on here about dads being uncomfortable with their boys having certain toys, which winds me up no end.

I want to raise my son to treat people fairly but I know that he's going to get certain messages from society that it's okay for him to act in some ways and not in other ways just because he is a boy. I think it's all bullshit.

So I thought I'd ask if there were other mums of sons here who have some thoughts about raising sons with a feminist perspective.

Maybe I'm way overthinking, but I would hate for my son to grow up feeling either restrained by what society expects of him or feeling like he can do bad things because men get away with those things.

I'm not overly stressed about this, as I think I will raise him to be a good person as I would if he were a girl, but it's been on my mind a bit.

I’ve been on the verge of starting an almost identical thread, but for advice on raising a daughter. (I did initially think it would be ‘easier’ than raising a son, or that there would be less conflict, but now that my toddler is all about cuddling and feeding her stuffed animal ‘babies’ I’ve been panicking slightly that we are accidentally pushing these behaviours on to her). But lots of great advice on here for parents of daughters, too.

This is something that you really just should not worry about, or second guess. Would you worry if a little boy was feeding his stuffed animals and taking care of them? What's wrong with taking care of babies anyway?

This is where I see young parents getting themselves into trouble. They want to avoid gendered stereotypes, but end up objecting to their boys doing "boyish" things and seem thrilled when they want dolls and sparkles, and refuse to buy pink stuff for their girls or worry that they want fancy dresses.

This sends a message just as much as pushing kids toward gender norms does

I have two boys, nine and six.
The only time I have said "You can't do that you're a boy" was when ds1 tried to walk into the wrong toilets.
I have to admit I'm glad ds1 is a bit geeky like me. We both love Star Wars and computer games. However I've generally tried to take a step back when it comes to toy choices.
I haven't really got anything to add on top of things other posters have said. So I'll just give you this anecdote -
Ds1 was starting swimming lessons at school. I told him to go to the airing cupboard and get out whichever beach towel he wanted to use. He came down with a bright pink one.
I asked him if he was sure he wanted that particular one. He replied "Mum, are you worried I'll get teased because that won't happen."
That was me told! He's always liked pink. He wasn't teased.

My DS is 15 and one of the things I have emphasised in his upbringing is thinking about emotions and expressing feelings. To learn how to verbally express all feelings - rather than physically. To ensure he knows it’s ok for boys and men to feel all types of feelings not just anger.
Also I have encouraged him to think of other people’s points of view. Now he’s older I enjoy pointing out different societal expectations of the sexes because awareness of the imbalance is half the battle. He is very aware of my feminist views because we have family discussions on these topics.
Now he is man-sized I am so glad I talked to him about using his physical strength in a positive way from an early age - and taught him that to use it to be kind and gentle is the most manly thing you can do.
Tbh I was and am less worried about pink/blue boy/girl stereotypes - as long as your kid knows these are stereotypes it’s ok for them to do their thing without judgment.

Tbh I was and am less worried about pink/blue boy/girl stereotypes - as long as your kid knows these are stereotypes it’s ok for them to do their thing without judgment.

I really think 99% of kids grow out of this thinking anyway (or at least until recently.) By the time they are hitting puberty children understand that colours and styles etc are associated with sex by custom, and that sometimes people flout the customs. They may or may not want to flout the custom themselves, they might like adhering to it, but they realise it is fully possible not to and that these customs are not the same everywhere.

Talking about physical strength is an interesting thing. I've talked to my son about this as something to be aware of as I want him to be conscious of it, he's a strong kid and athlete but with several older sisters it's maybe not obvious to him that he will have an advantage. Interestingly I've found that many people are not comfortable with relative strength being mentioned to kids.

I have 2 boys but I can't say I thought about this just concentrated on them being happy and healthy .
One has a toy buggy the other a Hoover , one hated anything pink when little the other didn't mind and now older will often wear a pink shirt where as my other son wouldn't .
They both play sport but because they enjoy and it's what they wanted to do , we have let them guide us really and just followed there interests

Have to say I've been noting a lot of antipathy to sport - in these Covid times - as if sport is just an irrelevance; something for boys, men and 'chavs' - and therefore unworthy.I like football ( brought up in Liverpool - actually very close to the training ground) and was always sporty at school, & still am by inclination.

Wearywithteens

Sounds like your son is a lovely young man.