I've just listened to the Joanna episode of the How did we get here podcast with Claudia Winkleman and Tanya Byron. I heard it plugged on the Fortunately podcast and thought it sounded interesting, and now I feel really uncomfortable.
Joanna is married to Helen, a transwoman who started transition nearly 20 years ago. Joanna went on the podcast to talk about staying in the relationship, the struggles she went through and to give hope to others in a similar situation. She says she has made a conscious choice to stay in the relationship and that they are soul mates. She talks about all that she has lost, and the changes she has made to benefit others including their now-grown-up children. She says she has gained an understanding of how strong she is as a person.
Then she raises the question of sex. They don't have sex. She still dreams of having sex with a man. She is uncomfortable with the idea of enjoying sex with a woman, and wonders if it is because of her religious upbringing. Tanya sensitively counsels her about a process where they could very slowly start to explore a more intimate relationship.
But at no point did Tanya give Joanna permission to explore the idea that maybe she doesn't fancy Helen with a (presumably) feminised body, and that that is okay. Obviously it's also okay if she does fancy Helen's feminised body. But it's been nearly 20 years. Joanna has given up so much for everyone else. They couldn't even have the conversation?