Shaking after explaining why I couldn’t vote Lib Dem to a canvasser

[moggiemonster]

Not entirely sure what advice I am after. I have been lurking on this board and commenting infrequently. Have local elections coming up (we are a very blue area) and Lib Dem male canvassers knocked. Politely told him I could not support the candidate and was asked why. Explained about changes to GRA, self-I’d and spousal ‘veto’. He was very polite, very incredulous that this was sole reaction I couldn’t support them even on a local level.

I was actually shaking as I spoke to him. Was so worried I would be seen as a bigot and was made to feel that actually self-id wasn’t a big deal. Probably felt vulnerable as was discussing on my doorstep. Would it have been better just to have shut the door?

How do I get my view across without being made to fell stupid and a bigot? I am all for accepting those who go through the process but not the idea of there being no distinction between the sexes so no boundaries.

Sorry, I feel very isolated with this topic, friends ignore it or tell me I should be accepting as there are no need for different categories based on sex. My family just think I am over-reacting.

Doubt I will see hide or hair of Labour canvassers.

@TedsFederationRep The "trans issue" - in fact, let's call it by its proper name, "the erasure of women issue" - overarches everything to do with hard-won sex-based rights. This. This, exactly.

@GinnyLane

I feel like I want to give you a standing ovation, wellbehavedwomen

Very well done, OP and others.

I have never stuck my head over the parapet before now, but I just looked at the DCs’ info form for cub scouts, and it asks for each child’s gender. Should I score it out and write in “sex”?

Yes!
The first time I did that was at Ronald McDonald House.

*@MrsTidyHouse * - I did exactly that on my NHS forms for group CBT. The fact that the class is mixed sex when I have been referred to the CPN following a rape (because no other therapy is available) pushed me over the edge from "nice" to "no fucks given".

Well done OP.
I used to get v anxious over this but

1. It isn't only you being 'unkind' - there are fuxxxxg millions of people with your views. But they are cowed like you because of activists.
2. It is a lie men are not women any more than doors are windows or Scots are English. But people today want to be 'nice' and seen as 'nice' so they say trans women are women. But we all know it's a lie.
3. Imv there is no option but to call out this lie unless we are living in George Orwell's 1984.

Delurking to add my standing ovation to wellbehavedwomen - you articulate your anger brilliantly, and your posts are helping me to formulate my thoughts - thank you.

Thanks, DuLANG and GinnyLane.

Oh dear. I just ran it by DH, and he thinks not to change any DC forms, only change any forms of our own.

Now I’m stuck, because only this afternoon, he and I were discussing men in women’s spaces, and we are definitely on the same page. Maybe he is a bit scared of possible repercussions for the DCs. We just can’t figure out a way to protect them.

Sorry for the derail.

That is difficult if your DH is not entirely on board, Mrs.

I would be tempted to say, if they are not yet of majority, every decision you make as a parent could be used against your child... but should be seen as just that, the action of an adult, completely out with your child's control.

If you wanted to use today's language, misgendering is very, very serious. So you can testify to their sex (using proven scientific method), but their gender is entirely subjective, and therefore it is not for you to comment**. It would seem incompatible to complain of "sex assigned at birth", but to also allow a parent to "gender" a child. Just a thought...

And if I ever see a canvasser, I might point out that there are no protests outside shops selling "it's a girl//boy" cards and banners, only where women meet to discuss the rights of women and children. Strange.

**disclaimer - I of course think that anything affecting the mental, physical and emotional well-being of a child is of importance to all responsible members of society, particularly the child's parents.

Ginny - very thought-provoking about the misgendering. Thank you.

we just need to say something for the first time, and then next time will be easier.

DH and I talked this morning. Ginny’s last post helped me with the mental gymnastics, and I will be scoring out “gender” and replacing it with “sex”.

It’s hardest the first time.

I expect nothing will happen except the person reading it will think ‘weird’ and if they are curious will google about it.

If they already understand why you did it, they probably agree with you. Very few people familiar with the debate truly take the opposing view, and those that do are blue haired wokesters, who are unlikely to be leading scout groups.

If anyone asks you directly, say you think accurate record keeping is important for health and safety reasons and medical doctors need to know sex for accurate diagnostics and treatment. If the person is sympathetic you can then go on to say you and your children are ‘gender free’ and ‘gender is a collection of harmful sex stereotypes’.

They might think you are being weirdly specific, but they probably won’t conclude that you are a bigot!

I was hesitant when I signed the Labour Women’s Declaration in my real name (it’s unique enough to be quite decidedly me) but nothing happened.

No one contacted me, no one deleted me. Still breathing!

@MrsTidyHouse - I feel a bit overwhelmed that I might have helped!

And yes - I am sure that many of the info collectors and collaters think us weird...but we are trying to keep accurate records for ourselves, the next generation and for posterity. It's a small act of defiance for me, i guess, but little things (especially when we cannot physically or mentally manage anything more) add up. And I think a lot of people are sympathetic to the idea of future healthcare planning etc. Fingers crossed that this comes to the forefront of discussion.

I await the knock at the door **

transwomen ARE women. Period.

My response to that, to a very woke man, was that period was exactly the right word. Trans women couldn’t have one, didn’t experience them and were male, or transwomen, not women. He snorted wine through his nose and I laughed at him. It felt really good - I said I didn’t identify with being nice and was having a non-binary moment. It still makes me smile.

That does sound cathartic Witchlight

As well as crossing out gender/writing sex on paper forms, I now also select the “other” option online if it has a free text box, and write “I do not subscribe to gender; my sex is female”. I cannot answer what my gender is, in the same way I cannot answer what my religion is, I have neither.

You’ve got to love free text boxes. I had one recently on form I was competing for DS for a school volunteering thing.

In the ‘any questions’ box I asked if they could confirm that overnight shared accommodation would be sex separated.

I've posted this on another thread just now but it's pertinent to this one as well.

I've just picked up this paragraph from The Times but sadly, do not have a share token to offer.

"Ministers are expected to drop plans to make it easier for people to change their gender amid concerns about the impact on children... The consultation, which was launched in 2018 by Theresa May, proposed to change the law so that people would be able to officialy transition simply by making a declaration of their gender... The proposals to change the Gender Recognition Act have met with criticism from some feminist groups, whose members are concerned about the prospect of trans people being able to use single-sex spaces. Ministers are also concerned about the impact the proposals could have on children, who are being helped to transition while still developing their “decision-making capabilities”.

Please let it be true...