But like you say, ideas about porn exist as part of a wider framework of beliefs. Number 1, I would say, is the idea that some men have to use porn or they will cheat, become angry, commit rape, or suffer medically in some way. The idea that it's a physical need rather than a choice seems quite wide spread. I've also read posts where people say their partner justifies it as "not seeing them as real people" as if theyre watching a fiction show and not actual real women. When I've talked to my own partner about it he's come out with stuff about men being "more visual" and therefore other forms of stimulation (like erotic fiction) don't have the same effect. I think the narrative of "choice" and "consent" play a big part too, as people need to hang on to the belief that the women are willing participants. As with prostitution, a lot of people aren't really on board with the idea that money =/= consent.
I think there are a couple of points here I'd like to address.
Porn and men being more visual. I think that is likely true, and I also think that erotic fiction plays much the same role for some women. The written word has quite different implications obviously in that there is no need for actors and such, and I don't think it has the same effect on a wide social level. But I think it's a fair point that it's about creating a fantasy without the real people problems of a relationship, and it's about getting off.
In terms of men will cheat without porn, and that it's "natural" - I think this comes down to the very widely held idea that sex is a need. It's widely accepted as true, and we've totally lost any kind of promotion of or admiration for sexual self-control or abstinence. In adults, it's at best considered to be weird, but often it's seen as pathetic. Unlike many cultures, we have no class of respected roles for single people who are not sexually active, and I think there was a sense that will the advent of the pill, such things were no longer necessary. Everyone could have sex, even if they didn't want kids. Of course in reality, lots of people have no one to have sex with. Soooo, the model doesn't really work as sold.
If we want to challenge that idea though, sex as a need, we need to look at it with a wide lens. It's not just used as a reason for porn it's the rationale behind all kinds of things our society says and does.
As far as consent, I think the consent model, or contract model really, is something that's come out of a certain kind of American legal thinking. To my mind it's wholly inadequate in all kinds of areas. Many many things, most things, are more than a transaction, that is a profoundly debased view of human life and relationship.
Anyway, the difficult bit is that you can't challenge thse ideas without something to potentially