5 years old: never seen a girl with short hair

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I found out yesterday that my daughter has never (knowingly) seen a girl with "boyish" hair, in real life or fiction. We were reading a poem about a tomboy with an accompanying illustration of a short-haired girl playing football, and my daughter asked me a few times if it was a boy, and then was asking me to explain how the character could have boy's hair if she was a girl, and why the character had hair like that. She was confused but happily fascinated.

She knows all about girl vs boy bodies. But in day-to-day life she also tells girls of her age apart from boys almost exclusively by their hair styles.

It made me realise that none of the girls at her nursery, clubs or school have boyish hair. None of her books have girls that look like that. Or any of the television she watches. Or Disney films. Or music videos.

She doesn't get much screentime though so there might be some very mainstream young kids TV that has tomboys on. Maybe I'm missing the obvious illustrated books. Or has UK media really become so homogenous in how girls are presented that most kids are reaching five without ever seeing girls of their own age with short hair?

I remember DS being really confused when he was about five by one of the teenagers in DD’s school wearing a skirt; he was confused because she had short hair. He is now older and better informed that girls can have short hair and boys can have long hair, but until he actually voiced this, I had not realised how it must seem to a small child. Very few girls and young women have short hair these days and gendered clothing is so much more ingrained than when I was younger as well.

What are you on about Luisa?

I posted in good faith and then there was your post above mine making all sorts of assumptions. Most bizarre.

Teacher and invigilator here. I have seen a huge change in the way that girls wear their hair over the past forty years. Back in the seventies and eighties, lots of girls wore their hair short. It was seen as modern and stylish. Now, I can Invigilate a hall with two hundred female students and 99% have long, traditionally styled hair.
Oldies may remember clothing companies like Clothkits, who specialised in brightly patterned unisex clothing. It was very popular. Now, clothing for young children seems so gendered. Why?

Hi, sorry to butt in slightly off topic - I genuinely find a lot of the feminism chat threads perplexing. I tend to click on them and have a read when I see them on active discussions. Genuine question - why does hair matter? Long / short/ curly/ straight? Please could some explain to me the point I'm missing? Thanks

Why don't you (general you) just admit you really dislike long hair?

I don’t dislike long hair. What i don’t like is the stereotyping that goes with hair. And the judgement that you are “wrong” or have some sort of agenda should you choose differently.

I look at kids now and think we a churning out clones. Fear of standing out, of being bullied, peer pressure is driving conformity.

Back when i was at sixth form and university in the 80’s it was the place to push your boundaries and learn about yourself. Your expression was through hair and clothes- we had a skinhead girl, girls with princess di cuts, traditional long hair, boys with bobs, metal hair, curtains..

Now they all wear business suits once out if uniform and it’s boring.

It’s worldwide now. I used to love travelling. French, italian, american fashion was all different. Different shops, different styles. You could spot a group of tourists a mile off, and identify their country. I went to the US recently, my kids were looking forward to shopping and buying stuff they can’t get here. But no, it’s clares bloody accessories on every corner, exactly the same style and stock.

Boring. But if someone dares to be different there’s a huge chorus if i wouldn’t let my kids do that, they’ll get bullied.

Back when i was at sixth form and university in the 80’s it was the place to push your boundaries and learn about yourself. Your expression was through hair and clothes- we had a skinhead girl, girls with princess di cuts, traditional long hair, boys with bobs, metal hair, curtains..

I was at university 1979-1982. I was surrounded by women in the most boring outfits imaginable- jeans, sweatshirts and suede desert boots- much like most of the men. There were a few of both sexes who made an effort. The women who dared to be different were the ones in dresses, skirts and feminine clothes.

I don’t like long hair, it makes me feel a bit sick (irrational, I know) When my then 5 year old had her hair cut really short she cried because it was “boy hair”, this was despite the fact that her brother always had very long lustrous hair (irrationally I cope better with long hair on males). Within a week pretty much all the little girls had their cut short because it looked so good. As a PP pointed out it is alien to me too because we all had short hair at primary in the 80s.

My sister is a couple of years older than me, she wouldn't have her hair cut any shorter than where she was able to reach up her back and touch it.

I do think there is a huge over- egging of how difficult long hair is.

My eldest (who hasn't got my hair genes) is dreadful for tangling, the longer it is the worse it is, it just tangles before your eyes.

She's in Yr 9 and has had nits , maybe that is why hair was shorter in the past.

This is one reason I buy all my little niece's books like Blueberries for Sal.
The other reason is it's a fab book...

My son had loong hair until he was 5. Past shoulder length. I used to meet up with a friend and her son regularly, and one day they came scampering downstairs, and friend's son excitedly told his mum 'crimpsDS has a willy! I saw him doing a standing up wee!' They'd been playing together for months and he thought DS was a girl the entire time. There are more boys with long hair than girls with short at my DC school. In fact, I can't think of a single girl with cropped hair.

Do you think that's the issue then crimps? I think young children often can't tell from looking at faces whether others are boys or girls. So they do need to have different haircuts or clothing of they're to know. In the past when maybe clothes were less gendered, I think haircuts were more so. There might have been girls with bobs, but the boys all had conventional short hair, so you could tell boys from girls by their haircuts until you learned to tell from their faces?

Back in the 80s I was bullied in secondary school for being the only girl with below-shoulder length hair! Short hair was definitely the style that was 'in'.

I do wonder if the diversity people are remembering is a little exagerated or not totally accurate. There were a few periods where there was a lot of diversity in hairstyle, OTOH there have been some were there wasn't so much. If I think about my young school days girls had two cuts, princess di and plain long hair. After that the pixie cut came in for a bit, and then the mullet. My mom talks about being a teen and the only hairstyle to have was long straight hippy hair, which she cold not do as her hair was the wrong texture.

In fact, I wonder if perhaps one reason for lack of diversity now is that modern products and cuts and such mean that most people can make their hair do what they want.

I also think the person who mentioned older women now often, even usually, have short hair might be a reason young women are avoiding that style.

Now they all wear business suits once out if uniform and it’s boring.

I understand where you are coming from with this, I like clothing, I liked experimenting with clothes as a teen.

But really, it's just clothes. It's not that important. And we could make a strong argument that less interest in consumerism and defining ourselves with material things is quite positive.

Why on earth would someone elses little girl wearing pink frilly clothes bother anyone 😩

It's not at all unusual for little girls to have long hair - part of being a little really if they are happy with it. They'll soon tell you when they want it cut which happens sooner or later.

Hi, sorry to butt in slightly off topic - I genuinely find a lot of the feminism chat threads perplexing. I tend to click on them and have a read when I see them on active discussions. Genuine question - why does hair matter? Long / short/ curly/ straight? Please could some explain to me the point I'm missing? Thanks

It's about stereotyping and the fact girls feel they need to look a certain way and the pressure they feel to conform. We have seen on the thread people's little girls being told they must be boys or trans since they have short hair.

I remember my DD had a conversation when she was about 6 and she said "when I used to be a boy". I asked her why she thought she had been a boy and she said in the photos of her as a toddler she had short hair and a willy, I'll point out she was fully clothed in all photos but in her little mind short hair meant boy.

She did understand it once I explained, it just shoes children have no real understanding of sex or gender at that age,

In my primary school photo (mid-70s) girls and boys are all dressed in jeans, T-shirts and jumpers in a variety of colours. Some of the girls had belts around their jumpers. They all have variations on the same haircut... mid-length bob type styles with iffy fringes. A couple of the girls have bunches, one has a proto-feather cut around her fringe. No-one has hair longer than shoulder length and no-one has has clipped hair.
At first glance it is hard to tell girls from boys.
Contrast this with DDs primary class. Boys all with clipped hair (some with a bit of length on top) girls with uniformly long hair, styled in various plaits with ribbons, gigantic bows and clips. All the girls in dresses and skirts. All the boys in trousers or shorts.
Even my mum's 1940s school photo shows girls with short hair.
Once DD got to secondary she opted for a pixie cut and styles became much more varied. But primary school was all about conforming.

My DD had a pixie cut for a while aged 14. It was unusual, but not unique, at that age. Nobody mistook her for a boy (though sadly she did get assumed to be a lesbian

WTF???? Did you just really say "SADLY"?

Hahahahaha this made me laugh. When my kids were younger there was a girl in their martial arts club with short hair. My bemused children called her a ‘boygirl’
Later on my daughter went for a short cut, she was only one out of two girls in her whole primary school with short hair. This was a couple of years ago, she has now progressed to a short bob but pretty much all the other girls have long swishy ponytails

WTF???? Did you just really say "SADLY"?

Isn't it rather sad that people would think that having short hair is a reliable indication of sexual preference?

Why do most girls and young women have long hair now
I simply like it. My face shape don't suit short hair.
Plus I have a thing about hairdressers after a "trim" turned to a hack job that ended above my shoulders. It was halfway down my back

Dd has always wanted long hair, she 9 and thought of cutting is is a no go lol. I wouldnt know if she seen many girls with short hair, I don't really keep tabs on others hair. Well apart from one of her friends in reception, he had the best red, long hair and damn he rocked it with confidence at 5. Or her friend at school now who was allowed blue streaks in her hair.

Sandman Yes it was sad that people made judgements about my DD's sexual preferences based on her haircut. The reason she's now growing it back is that she said boys would dismiss her because of it (assuming her to be gay, when as it happens she's not) I think that's a shame as the sorry hair really looked good on her

Now they all wear business suits once out if uniform and it’s boring.

It's the rule of many Sixth forms.
My dd is happy that her Sixth Form allows skinny jeans as long as there are no rips as is fashionable.

My DD goes to a sixth form where there's no business dress, but they still dress fairly uniformly in clothes from Topshop / Urban Outfitters / H&M or online retailers etc. We used to make our own clothes or buy second hand, dressing more uniquely. I don't know any teens who make clothes.