Men who dislike MN

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

This is not a TAAT, as in it's not specifically about, only prompted by a DH in AIBU who is patronising about MN and I thought the points raised would be interesting to discuss here in general.

IME, men who are patronising, dismissive, and make just generally hate filled and revolting comment about MN/MNers are basically misogynists who dislike women and probably feel threatened.

Interested to hear others thoughts, so I can express mine better! That sounds like a journalist, I'm not as you can see from my history and name!

I think it's an accepted fact (well here at least!) that the language used about women is very different than the language used about men, even in the same circumstances (explaining this very badly as tired, someone can articulate this better I'm sure)

I mean, for example

Man - assertive. Woman - bossy.
Man - player/stud. Woman - slut/slag

And so on and so on and so on....

Well ladies as a man ..er cough ..😉I first came to MN a few years ago for advice on and guidance on issues with my step daughter and her daughter, and from then explored other sections and learned a huge amount.
some things such as being "all touched out " for example ..I don't think many men would come across that concept in their daily interactions with their partners...also how many women feel irritated by what many men would see as harmless grabbing of their partners boobs and bums , again most men would not see that as anything but affectionate and would be surprised at how strongly it is disliked. I would recommend any man to read all over MN and learn about a different perspective.
I also wandered onto FWR when Dittany was still here and again learned a huge amount , not all of it comfortable by any means , and have found lots throughout MN over the years to be entertaining and challenging . I aint no saint and do have bloke views and habitual thoughts but i hope they've been tempered by what I learn here .

I also think the main issue is that a lot of men don't like the idea of women talking to each other without some male supervision. One of the main good points of MN is the amount of support given to women who need to get rid of abusive men - or to tell unsatisfactory men to pull their socks up or piss off.

There have been one or two occasions (I have been on here for 10 years or more) when MN has quite literally saved lives. There was a MNer posting about odd pregnancy symptoms, and other posters with medical knowledge screamed at her to go to A&E - turned out the pregnancy was ectopic and she would have died without urgent help. I also have vague memories of someone stuck alone in the house in labour (in heavy snow) and MNers being able to virtual-handhold and talk her through it. And I think there was a case of one MNer actually driving over to pick up another MNer whose abusive H had isolated her to the point she had no one to turn to (but that may have been a bit... enhanced.)

Yes,, there are some smug idiots on here - and some really nasty troll threads from time to time - but it's a big community for women and no big community is perfect.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

Man - assertive. Woman - bossy.
Man - player/stud. Woman - slut/slag

The connotations are usually negative for women and positive for men. The word assertive is seen as an asset, but no one would interpret bossy as being a valuable trait. It implies nagging and rudeness.

A common theme from men who express a dislike for this site is that women who are interested in feminism must be ugly. If a woman can criticise and challenge the way things are, it makes these men uncomfortable and they need to tell themselves that they aren't interested anyway and the way for them to downplay her importance (in his mind) is to make a direct correlation to her value as a person with her appearance.

I just think some guys don’t like women talking and having opinions
🤷‍♀️

Yup.

The rules of misogyny
1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do.

2nd rule of misogyny: Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

3rd rule of misogyny: Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

4th rule of misogyny: Women's opinions are violence against men thus male violence against women is justified.

5th rule of misogyny: WATM! Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

6th rule of misogyny: Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breast feeding babies deserve punishment.

7th rule of misogyny: Women should always be grateful to men for everything.

8th rule of misogyny: Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

9th rule of misogyny: Men always know the "real reasons" for everything women do and say.

10th rule of misogyny: The worst thing about male violence is that it males men look bad.

11th rule of misogyny: Basic pattern recognition skills are cruel and evil when they hurt men's feelings.

12th rule of misogyny: whatever women suffer from, men suffer from more.

13th rule of misogyny: Women are not oppressed! Rape and catcalling and objectification are all compliments, not oppression.

14th rule of misogyny: Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

(Sorry missed mangoes post, but always worth having the full list.)

Any hatred or diminishing of women posting on mn is basically a variation of all the above rules, including any woman who also denounces women on mn (internalised misogyny.)

"A common theme from men who express a dislike for this site is that women who are interested in feminism must be ugly"

Oh yes, usually an ugly, man hating lesbian wearing dungarees (I've had the dungarees comment levelled at me quite a few times, bizarrely )

Well I certainly don't hate all men as I have a lovely DH (who tells me I am not ugly ) and fabulous DSs, and I'm not a lesbian, but I do actually wear dungarees

Don’t forget to add in “frigid” when you turn them down, however politely you do it.

On the subject of appearances, I also don't even have man hating short hair (that also comes up regularly) but a shaved head. Things like this are Very Bad and seem to make men hate me even more

Yep, definitely frigid. All we need is a good fuck, you see.

All we need is a good fuck, you see

Always amuses me the specimens who think they are the perfect option to sort you out.

I separated in the mid eighties, way before the days of the internet never mind mumsnet.

My ex used to go on about women's magazines, largely but not exclusively, Cosmopolitan, giving me ideas.

When we split, in my head, it was all my fault, it is only over many years I have realised how EA he was. Nothing like as bad as some on here but opinions were definitely not appropriate, jobs were divided according to gender (I got into trouble for changing the plug on a hairdryer as I should have waited for him to do it - as well as not doing 'my' jobs well or frequently enough.)