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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Men who dislike MN

63 replies

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 05/11/2019 10:09

This is not a TAAT, as in it's not specifically about, only prompted by a DH in AIBU who is patronising about MN and I thought the points raised would be interesting to discuss here in general.

IME, men who are patronising, dismissive, and make just generally hate filled and revolting comment about MN/MNers are basically misogynists who dislike women and probably feel threatened.

Interested to hear others thoughts, so I can express mine better! That sounds like a journalist, I'm not as you can see from my history and name!

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbia · 05/11/2019 12:47

I can't say I know anyone who pretends to be or is a ditzy mummy Confused

DuMondeB · 05/11/2019 14:00

There is a thread on KF about the cancelled Mumsnet NSPCC webchat, comments include:

‘Mumsnet is not the hero we want, but it is the hero we need’

‘ This is why Mumsnet is fucking feared by the Government.
They don't take shit from anyone and I love them for it.’

And incredibly sturdy pyjamas are mentioned at least twice.

CranberriesChoccy · 05/11/2019 14:16

@theflushedzebra

I rarely venture onto AIBU these days

What is that?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 05/11/2019 14:45

IME, men who are patronising, dismissive, and make just generally hate filled and revolting comment about MN/MNers are basically misogynists who dislike women and probably feel threatened.

Seems a decent, if obvious, summary.
Not sure about the tits comment though, because it was presumably posted in a thread I haven't seen.

LangCleg · 05/11/2019 15:51

I think the men who hate Mumsnet should say it as loudly as possible...

... it's a very good Wanker Klaxon.

APerkyPumpkin · 05/11/2019 16:19

incredibly sturdy pyjamas

Gosh.

lazylinguist · 05/11/2019 16:36

There are clearly some men who hate MN because they feel threatened by it, and that's pretty pathetic. But I do agree to a certain extent with the people on the other thread who pointed out the double standards of being furious about men mocking MN threads when plenty of MNers mock them as well, and complaining about men's forum threads rating women on their attractiveness, when there are plenty of MN threads rating men in a similar way.
Women c as n fairly often be pretty brutal and hostile on MN about men. It's usually deserved tbh, but I don't think we would like to read similar attitudes and language towards women on a men's forum even if it was about women who had behaved very badly. It would probably make many of us feel very defensive and critical towards that forum.

JellySlice · 05/11/2019 16:51

I think my idea of it was closer to what the dreaded Netmums is in reality.

Exactly, I suspect, what many of the misogynistic visitors and GF posters also expect. But, unlike you, they don't accept us for what we are: a community of women who will discuss anything and everything, will challenge what we disagree with, will be blunt and forthright, rude and crude - as well as be gentle and kind. It threatens misogynists and GFers when we don't conform to the stereotypes of nice mummies who will look after them, while being pliantly gentle and kind.

But how it liberates us!

Icantreachthepretzels · 05/11/2019 17:19

But I do agree to a certain extent with the people on the other thread who pointed out the double standards of being furious about men mocking MN threads when plenty of MNers mock them as well,

Surely it depends on what thread is being mocked? I don't think anybody would object if a football forum pulled the 'screaming in the Sistine chapel' thread and had themselves a good time at the OPs expense ... everyone here was as well - she was well and truly BU.

But if it's just an innocuous thread filled with innocuous replies and they're pulling the replies apart as well ... then that suggests what they're doing is using their free time to rip apart and belittle women for no reason other than they enjoy doing it - which is far more sinister.

Unfortunately, I didn't read the thread the football thread was laughing at so I don't know whereabouts on the scale of ridiculous - innocuous it falls.
I tried to look at the football forum but - unless it just wasn't loading on my computer - it's really not a user friendly forum. So I can't see whether their thread is lighthearted and friendly or... the other thing.

complaining about men's forum threads rating women on their attractiveness, when there are plenty of MN threads rating men in a similar way.

We don't have 'minx or minger' threads on MN - and we don't 'rate' men. There are sometimes 'who do you find attractive' threads where people post pictures of celebrities (sans a score) they fancy. Yes I suppose that is objectification - but it is a completely different level to having a bantzy alliterative title where you pull a picture (and this doesn't even have to be a celebrity - who to a certain extent enter into and agree to this when they choose their career - it's not like 'heart throb' is a brand new concept) and then rate whether they are hot or not.
'here's a picture of a famous person I fancy' is a completely different thing to 'here's a picture of a random person - tell us what you think, using cruel or objectifying language.'

Snakes with tits is horrendous though - and doesn't leave me willing to give the benefit of the doubt to those who use it. It's a phrase that dehumanises women by calling them an animal (like so many of our women only insults) and then adds crude sexual objectification on the top for good measure.
Over on the other thread people were trying to defend this because women here call men bastards - and say LTB, as if that's somehow comparable. No - inventing an insult that calls a woman an animal with sexualised body parts is not the same as calling a man an incredibly generic and fully human swear word.
But I really couldn't be bothered taking the time trying to explain it to posters who couldn't work out the difference for themselves.

There are certain men who are threatened by MN - and we all know why and we see what they do. Saying 'well it's a double standard to complain because not all women on MN are perfect all the time either, they do x, y and z ' is ridiculous (and sexist - women can only complain about mistreatment if they are 100% above reproach in all things). The fact is: MNers don't trawl male dominated websites to find innocuous threads they are posting, bring them back here and then laugh at what all the men have got to say for themselves. When we do have threads 'laughing at men' they tend to be like the Fat Balls thread, personal funny stories about men we love, teasing them for a moment of idiocy. That is not even in the same universe as taking posts from a stranger, removing context, deliberately misunderstanding or just plain being a dick by making fun of what they said (possibly whilst referring to this stranger as some kind of sexualised animal.)

Some men do choose to trawl MN and do exactly that, though - and any man that does, you can just write off as a misogynist. Which is handy, I suppose, but probably quite upsetting if you find out you're married to one of them.

BertrandRussell · 05/11/2019 17:22

Men hate women getting together. Always have. Probably always will.

WeeMadArthur · 05/11/2019 17:28

I agree with Icantreachthepretzels in that it feels like other sites target Mumsnet just because it’s women having opinions, in a way that posters on here don’t do. I’ve never seen threads on here started to ridicule any other sites with a pile on to pull them apart just because their users are men.

It does feel that they are pissed off by the fact that we dare to have an opinion (and outlet for it) of our own.

theflushedzebra · 05/11/2019 17:48

@CranberriesChoccy

AIBU is Am I being Unreasonable?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

Springfern · 05/11/2019 17:58

About once a week there's a thread on MN asking 'why do women without children post on here'. I never see equivalent 'why do men post on here' threads but often wonder it. But then maybe that's because I'm a childless witch.

CranberriesChoccy · 05/11/2019 18:10

@Springfern

Are they transmums? Halo

CranberriesChoccy · 05/11/2019 18:11

Thank you @theflushedzebra

Gingerkittykat · 05/11/2019 18:43

It's a bit like the comments thread on Prick News where both men and women say we should stick to the parenting. It's just another attempt to silence opinions they don't like, how dare we talk about anything other than parenting on here.

APerkyPumpkin · 05/11/2019 20:33

Some of us aren't even parents!

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 06/11/2019 13:23

I have seen quite a few "why are people without DC using MN" threads over the years and they fucking infuriate me, tbh. It's so insensitive, for example those who are here for the conception boards/struggling with infertility. Women who want to join the FWR threads, why does the question of whether they have DC have any bearing on that? Etc etc.

I'm not too keen on people who dish out rude and dogmatic advice on subjects they know nothing about (see pretty much every thread in AIBU about legal/medical issues Wink) but that's the Internet for you.

I do love that MN is a female dominated space (unusual for the Internet) and would like it to continue that way, tbh. I said before DH has been on MN but usually seeking advice eg on SN when he was a SAHD. He wouldn't ever dream of starting a post with "well speaking as a man" (this also very much infuriates me, I am very fucking grumpy today) as it's just so authoritative and listen to me ladies this opinion is important as I AM A MAN. And it's always "ladies" isn't it?

DH also wouldn't give out advice on stuff he doesn't know about (although he once was asked for breastfeeding advice by a woman in the school playground Grin) but I would expect this courtesy from all MNers and MN would be better for it.

And on that note I'm off to The Doghouse to tell people how to train their dogs despite never having owned a dog or even liking dogs.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 06/11/2019 13:27

Noooooo WeBuilt have you just outed yourself as a dogsplainer?

BadgertheBodger · 06/11/2019 13:35

Men hate women talking to other women. It frightens the shit out of them. After all, what might we achieve if we compare notes, get angry and organise against them? See; all of history. Men have always, always tried to prevent women organising/being taken seriously if they do.

Anyone who takes the piss out of MN has quite clearly never spent time here, or if they have, they’ve usually managed to make a dickhead of themselves within about 3 posts and had their arse handed to them. Far too many people can’t cope with this - fine by me though, because it means we’re left with the brilliant, the funny, the witty and amazing women we have here.

traceyracer · 06/11/2019 13:35

I think there are a lot of women on Twitter who dislike this board too btw

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 06/11/2019 13:51

I'm totally a dogsplainer Grin

"Men have always, always tried to prevent women organising/being taken seriously if they do"

Oh God, yes to this! Especially at the moment when these boards are being, well they would say monitored, I say targeted and censored, by a huge number of men who want women to just STFU.

OP posts:
BadgertheBodger · 06/11/2019 14:02

Well. If only the Monitors would STFU and leave women be. Oh wait, not possible, we must capitulate. AFAIAC they can FOTTFSOFATFOSMWTGT

StrangeLookingParasite · 06/11/2019 14:05

"well speaking as a man"

I read this less as a statement of authority, more 'my perspective may be different and this is why'.

Mayorquimby2 · 06/11/2019 14:23

I've been a member of both forms for about a decade or more at this stage and tbf think that a better analogy to the SWT phrase would be cocklodger rather than ltb etc

It's a phrase that's used in relation to what posters see as shitty/cruel/user behaviour rather than just a blanket term for all women. In the same way cocklodger is used in relation to a specific mans behaviour rather than just for men in general.

It's not a hill in particularly willing to die on but I think the original thread wasn't clear on it's use (deliberately so if you ask me)

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