I made a gross and vile comment, please can someone explain why I was gross and vile?

[Mammatino]

Hi, am a bit nonplussed. I've commented on a current post about the trend for vcso girls. It's young girls who are very minimal make up, beachy and save the planet types. (ish). My comment was that I thought it was a better trend than the current trend for overblown, over made up, trashy sex dolls that many young girls seem to follow. Was I vile and gross because it sounded like I was attacking a young woman's right to choose? When teens are finding an identity I would be much happier with minimum make up, planet savers, photographing sunsets than girls just highlighting (through make up and surgery) their breasts, bums and big lips. I just want to know what I've done that is gross and vile, incase it is a lack of education on my part. I've posted on feminist chat as I think it's a bit of a female identity thread and that's where I've crossed boundaries? Maybe the posters I offended like this look and I've been personal calling them trash bags (so not well thought out on my part). The thread is still active in current aibu if you want to check my context and I have posted there asking why.

i save "gross and vile" for actually gross and vile stuff like feces and entrails.
pussyfooting with lengthy paragraphs on not calling the person but the style ugly could easily be understood by the context and tone of the thread.

*They were both scared and humiliated
*
That was exactly his intention when making those remarks.

The wording could have been more carefully considered, but the sentiment I completely agree with.

Interesting isn't it.
I have both sons and daughters.
I'm many ways they are similar.
All of they swing between wearing baggy, comfortable , lounging around clothes. For example trainers, converse, vans, joggers, hoodies, no make up, jeans etc. To really making an effort.
When my son (or any fit young man) wears stylish shorts which finish above his knee that's totally fine. When a woman wears clothes which finish above her knees that's often criticised. Likewise a man showing his chest=fine.
A woman showing any part of her chest = wrong.
A man in a close fitting shirt =fine.
A woman in close fitting close=wrong.
I had this conversation with dh about knickers.
I bought some new ones which covered my belly and bum. Comfortable and look better under clothes, in white and nude. He said he thought they were a bit grannyish. I pointed out that he wears plain cotton boxers, which cover his arse and belly and get that is considered fine for a man. Yet why are women expected to wear impractical, uncomfortable underwear.
Why does this disparity exist?
We need to challenge it more.

Also as I've previously pointed out, both myself and daughters get far more unwarranted hassle from men when we are dressed down.
Dd1 works part time in a bar. She always dresses casually often in the polo shirt provided. Always in trousers/jeans always flat shoes either vans, converse or Nike. Hair tied back, no make up.
The amount of hassle she has had from men is awful. Many of them old enough to be her father.
Yet when she glams up and wears heels, make up, tight dresses or tops etc she is fine.
I've found this too.
So in reality it's often safer to wear this type of make up and clothing.
Perhaps in reality men keep away, which is a good thing.
Perhaps more women do it knowing it looks more intimidating. Just a thought. See my previous post where my dd2 only gets hassled by sick pervs when she is dressed down. Glammed up to the 9s with her friends in fake tan, heavy make up, short skirts or tight fitting trousers and the pervs keep their dustance, RESULT!

And it also ticks me off that the boys in the school are expected to somehow not notice the hyper-sexualisation and connection to porn and somehow, even though they are also kids, it's not supposed to affect them when they see all the young women around them performing that - in fact its somehow their fault if they are

How are you defining "not notice"

It's not happening to see people that's ever been the problem.

It's the sexual comments , asking for blow jobs in class, calling girls slags etc comments about their bodies

High school must be the only place where you can somehow be frigid, a slag, and a.lesbian all at the same time.

If you are saying they cant help but treat girls this way then you are part of the problem

it's funny how the choicey choicey brand of feminism always seems to benefit men.

OP - don't grovel. Please don't. Your language wasn't the best but anyone with half a brain cell who hasn't swallowed the whole 'a woman's choice is always feminist and great for women' mantra knows what you meant. Kim Kardashian is not a great role model for girls, she just isn't.

is bunslinger going to return to explain what they mean by this comment, in response to another poster:

Getting a stiffy over children is paedo behaviour regardless of whT they wear.

No it isn't.

Because everything these days is a choice and every choice is good.

Standard pomo playbook. Hence why ssx work is so great, of course the evil trafficking and asx slavery is bad, but as soon as the woman 'freely chooses' to sell herself it is empowering and you are trash for denying her that amazing choice.

Jeez, I can't believe you hopped over to the feminism board to get absolution for calling teen girls trash bags. Pathetic, really - own your shit.

If you had read the thread you would realize OP wasn't looking for absolution but opinions.

You on the other hand stalked OP to come here and throw insults around. Quite clear what is more pathetic.

Self identifying 'feminists' who like to make cats bum faces at teenage girls for not dressing modestly enough are the most pathetic.

TheNavigator maybe head back to AIBU. Not sure this is your scene.

And it also ticks me off that the boys in the school are expected to somehow not notice the hyper-sexualisation and connection to porn and somehow, even though they are also kids, it's not supposed to affect them when they see all the young women around them performing that - in fact its somehow their fault if they are

They can notice. Of course they can, how could they not? Does noticing, however, give them free reign to make lewd comments, touch them inappropriately, assume they are ‘fair game’, call them slags?

TheNavigator maybe head back to AIBU. Not sure this is your scene.

Yup, a woman who thinks it is wrong to insult girls for not covering themselves up sufficiently clearly has no place on the Feminism board.

“Yup, a woman who thinks it is wrong to insult girls for not covering themselves up sufficiently clearly has no place on the Feminism board.”
Isn’t it rather the point of the thread that they shouldn’t be insulted?

I agree with the Navigator. The comment was horrible. It doesn't become less horrible because the OP comes over here with wide- eyed naivety of "poor me what did I do wrong ?"

And pota no one appointed you thread monitor.

“The comment was horrible.“

Of course it was.

Still waiting for @bunslinger?

😴 Marguerita

I haven't read the other thread. And don't fully know context.

I fundamentally believe that women should be allowed to dress as they please without being at risk or judged. However I am not a fan of the trends towards increasing amounts of plastic surgery and looks that emulate porn star imagery. And I'm concerned that independence and equality - take me seriously and appreciate my intellectual equity is not expressed in more fuck off rather fuck me looks. That's my personal opinion.

However I do not believe that most young people dress like Kardashians. My DD and her friends eschew heels, wear trainers, and often wear over- sized make sweatshirts and trackies. Yes they live their eyebrows and make up but also thry have lots of piercings and a few tattoos, and lots of quirky and crazy looks. They do not have lashings of fake tan, Botox, filler etc or stagger around in skin right leatherette mini dresses and heels.

So we shouldn't assume that because there's a trend in the media for the Kardashians and love islanders that that is what most young women copy or aspire to. We should celebrate their diversity and individuality, the fun they take in fashion but not trash talk them like misogynists and judges.

Still waiting for @bunslinger?

Sorry to keep you waiting! The comment I originally disagreed with was: "Getting a stiffy over children is paedo behaviour regardless of whT they wear."

Sexual arousal is often involuntary; I don't think it falls into the category of what we we usually call 'behaviour'. Paedophile behaviour would be things like seeking out sexualized images of children or encouraging children to behave in sexualized ways.

But even if we do consider sexual arousal to be behaviour, being aroused by someone who looks like an adult is the opposite of paedophilia, which is a paraphilia about pre-pubescent bodies, not adult or adolescent ones.

So you don’t consider adolescents to be children?

I assumed that the "children" in the quote referred to both pre-adolescent children and adolescents.

being aroused by someone who looks like an adult is the opposite of paedophilia, which is a paraphilia about pre-pubescent bodies, not adult or adolescent ones

I thought she was 16 your honor