Talk sense into me about this thing that really shouldn't be a big deal, please...

[hairymclairie]

I stopped removing my body hair a few months ago, mainly because I want to model to DD(4) that it's ok not to modify my normal woman's body in order to perform femininity in a socially acceptable way. So far, so woke.

Except tomorrow I'm taking her swimming for the first time since I embraced my natural hirsuite state. And I'm nervous, and pretty ashamed of being nervous.

I know that people may notice (because I myself have noticed ladies with hairy legs out in different situations) and I know that people may think it's gross or funny or whatever. So I'm not so much looking for "nobody will even know" responses. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe just encouragement and reminders that this is an ok / good / positive thing to do for ok / positive / good reasons...

I think that's awesome. Totally understand the nervousness but the more women who do it, the more normalized it becomes.

Can't help you if you aren't looking for no one will notice responses.

I shave but unlike you I don't notice. I'm not saying that to sound virtuous. It's simply most people look fairly awful unclothed so I pay as little attention as possible to them, men and women. So far as the few that don't look awful I don't want to gawp at their loveliness.

I also think that's awesome, I wish I could do the same as shaving is so tedious.

It shouldn't be a big deal but I get why it is and I think you're setting a fantastic example for your DD, how it's natural and she doesn't have to change her body or conform. Good on your OP!

Own it! Think of all those other women thinking "I could do that too".

I was struck recently by how many women in the leisure pool were very covered. It was started by some women for religious reasons here but once it was normal others followed.

One day when my swim suit was not available, I suddenly thought, yeah, I can go in the pool in my running capris and tank top. I did it. It was fine. I see loads of non-religious women do this too now.

I wonder why the blazes did I think I needed a skimpy suit to muck about with my little family members in the kids pool. It's not like I was swimming lengths at speed needing top hydrodynamics. Conditioning.

It'll be FINE. If I see you I'll wink.

Good for you OP. No one’s going to say anything to you even if they did notice, which is pretty unlikely.

I do it-it’s a non-event. Literally no one has ever cared. Not even once.

Remember the reasons you made that decision in the first place and have confidence

OP I think that's great. I stopped shaving my arms this summer - I know, I know - and even that was difficult.

I don't show my legs ever for various reasons but I am relieved when I see a woman with body hair frankly.

Towel that's really interesting that you are seeing women more covered up at the pool. Cossies actually don't make sense for casual stuff.

No one cares. I’ve even been to a pool full of teenagers with my lo and none of them cared.

That's a brilliant idea, hairymclairie. Our children do take their cues from us. And if you can overcome your conditioning, your daughter will learn that body hair is as natural for females as it is for males.

I grew up in a culture where this obsession with and rejection of female body hair doesn't exist. So, I was socialised to find hairy legs and armpits perfectly natural and normal.

But I've now lived more than half my life in a culture that doesn't. And so have absorbed these attitudes and yes, changed some of my habits as a result.

That's why I totally understand that you feel nervous. You grew up in this culture. It's really nothing to be ashamed of - you're doing the opposite of what your socialisation tells you to do. That's the power of socialisation and it makes many of us feel uncomfortable to go against it, in whatever area we do it.

It’s probably quite useful that you’re nervous. She might well be nervous about the same thing in a few years time and you’ll be able to talk about how you felt and how you handled it.

I don't wear a bra, use makeup or shave my legs, but I don't do it as a statement but because I can't be pissed and I don't have hairy legs.

Men shave their chins without being oppressed. I don't think you have to suffer to prove your point.

I don't look at other people in the pool TBH. Also I don't care if they shave or not. To be honest I am short sighted and the lighting in pools is not great so I cannot see my own body hair or others' which is quite liberating You could be my mum and I would only realise if you come within a metre of me

You didn't want the "nobody will notice" kind of repsonses, but honestly I never have. I'm very self conscious about my body so when I swim I am mostly focused on my own discomfort, and if my 4 year old is with me then I'm focused on what she is doing - that's a really useful distraction from worrying about your own appearance I find. I don't shave my legs or armpits often - I might do it then not do it for two years etc. I do worry an extraordinary amount about having pubic hair showing though so I always shave my bikini line before a swim. (I hate women's swimming costumes. I feel so exposed.)

If anyone looks or comments just say you refuse to look like a pre-pubescent girl.

We all need to ask why it is that men demand that women should not age [marketing of so-called anti-ageing products, skin products etc] and should always present with pre-pubescent bodies, perhaps?

One day when my swim suit was not available, I suddenly thought, yeah, I can go in the pool in my running capris and tank top. I did it. It was fine. I see loads of non-religious women do this too now.

I may start doing this! I didn't know that it was allowed.

I like the little air bubbles you get on your legs in the pool when you first step in with unshaved legs. As fun as bubble wrap to pop.

I have noticed there are a lot more "legsuits" (swimsuits with normal top but short legs) available now too - have considered buying one as a) it avoids any bikini-line considerations, and b) I don't see why women's swimsuits have to be so crotch-revealing anyway.

I don't shave. I've started wearing sleeveless tops even with hairy pits. I've swim with hairy legs (though they aren't dark). And I'm starting to grow my beard. Plucking doesn't work, shaving the face has its own issues, so I'm trialling letting my whiskers grow longer. They are soft and less noticeable than the stubble, i think.

Go for it! I stopped shaving a couple of years ago for similar reasons. I don't want my kids having the expectation that women need to remove their body hair to look acceptable. Nearly all images of women, or women that they come across in real life, have removed their hair, so I'm just trying to balance things out slightly!

It helps that I have a good friend who made the same decision a few months before me which, as well as giving me courage, has also normalised it for my kids.

My daughter is nine and, for now at least, she loves the hair on her legs, so I'm hoping this positive feeling about her body hair will continue.

Good luck tomorrow - be proud of those legs

I'm fat. But I decided ages ago it wasn't going to let it stop me swimming. I should imagine the technique is the same: stride out confidently. You have a right to exist with or without body hair. Much freer to do what you want and put it to the back of your mind, no explanations (and nobody will notice... And if they do they deserve pity, imagine being someone who made room in their mind for someone else's body hair.) be strong. Be strength. You're doing the right thing.

Slightly off topic but today I noticed that there are now things available called swimming leggings. I can see the attraction, but I have decided not to give them a go as I think it would be too hot. I’m happier with a short leg swimsuit though than a high leg.

I don't shave regularly enough as I cba so often swim a bit hairy. No one has obviously looked and no one has commented. Dd sees me with and without hair at home and in public.

None of longer leg swimsuits, boy short styles or skirted styles are new. They have been my preferred options for the last 30 years. Even when I was a size 6 I never owned a bikini.

You must have seen men wearing longer length trunks or swimming shorts. Women's versions are available but there is no reason why you couldn't wear the men's version with a tankini top.

Good for the sun Splodge. If anyone wants leggings, shorts or rash vests then I’d recommend Swimming Without Stress, I’ve always had great service from them and they sell the Stingray stuff which dries faster than any other swimwear I’ve owned.

swimmingwithoutstress.co.uk/swimming-shop/