Why do we bother?

[JessicaWakefieldSV]

I’m mid 40’s now and for as long as I can remember I’ve been a feminist and rights campaigner. I’ve marched, written letters, seen MPs, shared my story of DV with loads of men, all sorts. Recently I’ve just got really down at how bad things are for women. It doesn’t feel like anything’s improved, it feels worse in some ways.

I guess I just want some success stories to keep me motivated. Otherwise I’ll just retreat and never care about any of it again. I could so easily do that. Or some reasons to keep going. Is there really any point? Nobody seems to give a shit about important things like domestic violence & our basic right to privacy and dignity away from males. I’m tired enough without this constant battle for every little thing, even healthcare!

I know exactly what you mean.

I think in one area it's got much better, employment. There isn't the barrier there used to be about just having a decent job. I'm cheered by the amount of women I know who have really good jobs/professions.

And in banking, buying a house, all financial services - much better.

In smaller ways I am pleased that wearing trainers, flat shoes is much more common now.

I realise they ^^ are all inadequate but I try to remind myself of them when the rest of the crap feels insurmountable

Oh jessica

I'm.sorry you feel that way but I understand why. It would he so easy just to ignore everything keep head down and pretend its not happening. No one else appears to get it and if they did it doesn't t affect them so they dont care. Or they just NAMALT all over the place.

I cant give you a success story . I can give you a- look.out the window at the school children as they walk past your house or your work place and remind yourself that whatever happens whether they know it or not you were part info the fight ro keep them.safe and grounded in reality.

You are a force in these boards.i owe you and the likes if datun and those we have lost like the bewilderness so much. Even though it seems the world is so.much darker now I'm glad to know the truth. I'm gonna down with my eyes open and an "I told you so"

I'd suggest a break from these forums. Whilst raising genuinely important issues, they do tend to focus on the negative side of things rather than the majority of people who get by just fine.

Jessica, you could count my contributions to FWR threads on the fingers of one hand but I am reading and learning all the time. I've learned from you. I learn from others too, but I always read your posts and they help to clarify my thoughts. I've also become active in a quiet way, challenging others (especially officialdom) when once I would have gritted my teeth but said nothing.

Perhaps these might be small and quiet achievements but they are achievements nonetheless so keep going.

LaurieFairieCake

I agree with you that there have been many improvements for women both large and small and perhaps we should celebrate them more. For instance the huge success of the HPV vaccine which may help to virtually eliminate cervical cancer.
However I feel with Jessica that women's rights have rarely been under such attack in recent times and the task ahead seems formidable. There's only 2 things I can think of to say to this. Firstly Jessica you are not alone. I confess I have often found your style of posting difficult but the passion you bring to your posts is awesome. And so many here support you. Secondly there is a wonderful line in the film 'Suffragette' where the main character asks the policeman what he is going to do because he cannot arrest all women as they are 'in every kitchen of the land'. We are in every kitchen and we will be heard. We are out of the box and we're not going back in.

Take a break hun.
Focus on family and friends and community.
The ripple effect starts there.

I'm in the same boat.

I'm early 60s. When I first rented a flat I had to ask my dad to sign the paperwork for the gas board.
When I asked a doctor to prescribe the pill he quizzed me about whether I was in a serious relationship.
When I started work I wasn't allowed to wear trousers.
I never dreamed I would see a Me Too movement (I know I know but it still happened).
I think things are way better although I agree we're at a perilous moment right now.

I'd suggest a break from these forums

It’s not this forum, it’s real life. A violent offender now represents me and my country in our number 1 sport, which we are number 1 of in the world. It’s tipped me over. Trust me, it’s not the wonderful women on this board. Oh and FYI, the majority do not get by ‘just fine’, maybe in your privileged bubble they do. You’re not actually answering my OP so....

We are in every kitchen and we will be heard

Thank you for that, it’s a great line. I just want every women to speak up. And they don’t.

Floisme

Thank you, they are good points

A violent offender now represents me and my country in our number 1 sport, which we are number 1 of in the world.

I'm curious now. Who is this? (I don't follow much sporting news.)

In my mother's day, a woman could not even work once she was married --- she had to resign. My mother helped to change all that.
Things have improved drastically in everyday life.
It's gender ideology which has thrown an explosive into the whole world of women's rights, starting with the very basic "what is a woman". That is where we must fight on, openly or in secret. I think that fight has only just begun, as more and more ordinary women become aware that there even IS a fight.

I'm curious now. Who is this?. The All Blacks, the player isn’t even kiwi, Sevu Reece. They told me last year he wouldn’t play at this level.

THEre have been changes, but the most important changes that we need ( removal of gender sterotypes, respect as people not bodies ) tend to be sociological and so will take generations and will face constant backlashes, like we see with the current trans debacle. You can view every backlash as a sign of progress. Without progress you can’t have a backlash.

There are still structural changes that are also needed...it should be illegal to sell something and a womens version. It should be illegal to sell as unisex something that is not. Eg car safety measures must be suitable for women as well as men. See invisible women book.

I am also pleased to see more effort by men into Male mental health and Male sterotypes and I see that as positive

The most recent positive changes that I am aware of are a recognition by medical profession that medical trials should be sex aware and use women and men.

Changes don’t happen fast, but they do happen. But only becuase we keep trying. Stop, and the dinasors who love 1950 gender s sterotypes will win

Without progress you can’t have a backlash.

That’s a really really good point. Thank you.

We bother because nobody else will.

I'd suggest a break from these forums. Whilst raising genuinely important issues, they do tend to focus on the negative side of things rather than the majority of people who get by just fine.

I don’t think that’s true. I used to think that was true, but the more I learned, the more I started paying attention, the more I realised that even for privileged women, the world is still a difficult place to navigate. For poor women the world is dangerous and set against them at every turn. That those women achieve as much as they do is a testament to the courage and resilience, not to a “just fine” world.

It is over-whelming Jessica, but some things are better. Women’s education is now seen as important and many barriers have been removed for our participation in society.

I think we’re at a point where we expected that the world was leaning to justice and liberation. But it’s an old house and when we started pulling up the floorboards, we discovered so much ugliness had been hidden, eating away at the foundations.

At least we can see it now, and name it, and call it out; maybe that’s something. In the past, Sevu Reece might not even have been an issue because DV wasn’t seen as serious or important.

But the rage is hard to manage, the endless anger at the many ways men express their disdain for women, even if don’t injure or kill them.

Maybe take a break, retreat for a while. Even warriors need to rest.

In my mother's day, a woman could not even work once she was married --- she had to resign
When was this and in what country? Both my grandmothers worked in the 40s/50s.
I think things are getting better all the time, in general. The Internet shows the darkest and most extreme side of things, and in terms of male entitlement is probably the greatest threat to feminism there is.
But in our lives day to day, we know we are deserving of equal pay, respect and autonomy and i think our sons on the whole beleive this too.

I think we all feel a bit knackered now and then, but I'm NEVER giving up. Solidarity!

Hepzibah: When was this and in what country?

It was in the 50's and in a British colony with British law. I won't name the country for privacy reasons. It was one of the things my mother, an ardent feminist, campaigned about.

My mother worked for the civil service in the UK and was strongly invited to leave when she got married.

In the sixties.

Thanks lamaha. I never knew that was a thing.

Hepzibar my aunt, age 75, worked for the GPO as a telephonist before she got married.
When she married she had to leave work- the GPO would not employ married women.

My mum, divorced in 1965, could not get a store card from John Lewis in the late 60's. She was asked for a male guarantor- her father or husband.
She could not divorce her husband until he co-operated by providing evidence of his infidelity.
My dgm had all her teeth taken out before marriage as a "gift" to her husband so he wouldn't have to pay for future dental treatment (1929)
Mum again- and dgm- had to get a maLe guarantor to sign the rent agreements.
Girls in my secondary school had to get higher grades at maths and sciences at '0' levels than the boys before they were allowed to do 'A'levels as the dept head said girls were not suitable for scientific subjects.

A few examples- life for women is much better now, I think for misogynistic males too much better, so there is push to remove women's freedoms.

Married women were not allowed to work in the Civil Service in Britain until 1946. Single women civil servants sometimes had clandestine relationships instead of marriage, purely to keep their jobs.
OP, there have been loads of improvements in women’s rights in my lifetime, (I’m 63).
When I was young, there was no Equal Pay Act, abortion was illegal, the OC pill wasn’t invented, family planning was available to married women only, women couldn’t sign a credit agreement without a male guarantor, there were no women’s refuges, marital rape was legal, medical schools in London imposed 10% quotas on women students, schoolgirls were forced to study cookery instead of technical drawing or woodwork, and also forced to play netball instead of football. There was no Women's World Cup. Sexist jokes were on mainstream tv. Adverts portrayed women as dim housewives or sex objects.
We’ve come so far! Don’t give up now - it’s exactly what the TRAs and MRAs want. Every generation must fight to retain and build on the rights we have won.