Today I learned that I don't understand the term "straight"

[Mandatorymongoose]

In response to the question "if you are non binary and only attracted to other non binary people, what is your sexuality?"
It was explained to me that straight does not mean as I always believed it to "attracted to people of the opposite sex" as implied by the term heterosexual but actually means attracted to people of the opposite binary gender. If you are attracted to people not of the opposite binary gender you are gay.
Which makes perfect sense given the erasure of Lesbianism and the insistence that "genital preferences" are nothing more than a fetish but I've honestly never heard it applied to heterosexuality before. It would be interesting to see how well straight men would accept this argument.

Let me see if I have this right.

Man, gender conforming, attracted to gender conforming women - straight.

Woman, gender conforming, attracted to gender conforming men - straight.

Everybody else - queer.

Sex is irrelevant. Anybody who has the bad manners to wonder about the sex of a person they're attracted to is a bigot and needs re-education.

Important caveat: all women over the age of 30, especially if they are mothers, are straight, because .... well, they just are. Frumps, past it, killjoys etc etc. Doesn't matter what they wear or who they sleep with, they're too old to be queer.

Is that about the size of it?

Pardon?

Is that about the size of it?

That is the size of it. Not forgetting that two erstwhile men engaged in anal can be having lesbian sex if they decide to identify as women. Or, indeed, straight sex, if only one of them does.

And yes, obviously gay men are bigoted transphobes if they don't include men with vaginas in their dating pool. Of course, they could, themselves, be men with vaginas, seeking gay sex with...

....oh, I can't be arsed.

In response to the question "if you are non binary and only attracted to other non binary people, what is your sexuality?"

And in this ridiculous world, what is the answer? If you are neither a man nor a woman, and are attracted to people who are also neither, what is your sexual orientation?

Where did you have this insane conversation?

If it was Twitter or a student union then it doesn't count.

If youre attracted only to nonbinary people but regardless of their sex, then you're bisexual aurely?

Just with a very narrow field of gender-presentation-attractedness.

Don't forget that some gay couples are actually straight too! It seems to depend on whether they a) are white and b) lack suitably edgy 'queer' haircuts.

www.nationalreview.com/2019/05/yale-professor-pete-buttigieg-husband-symbols-heterosexuality/

@TowelNumber42

Head spinning now.

Finally, I'm speshul. It turns out I am queer. Because I am attracted to masculine presenting people with penises.

Oh hang on... genital fetishes are the one type of fetish that isn't cool. Latex, leashes and dog-collars, bit of spanking, all fine. In fact better than fine. But liking penis exclusively (or vagina exclusively). Big no-no.

Now very confused.

It was a conversation in a very innocuous Facebook group, one that normally has very little to say on the subject of gender or sex.
Apparently the answer to the non binary question is gay because you don't fit in the box "attracted to opposite binary gender"
So even though as a non binary person you might be attracted to non binary people of both sexes you are not bisexual either. It's very confusing.
Or possibly all bullshit depending on your point of view.

If you are a woman who isn't attracted to other women but has one or more good female friend, you may be in a 'queerplatonic' relationship and have the option of identifying as queer:

aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic

Non-binary needs to be more specific. Define by what you are, not by what you are not, or at least extend the definition. Otherwise this kind of opposites problem arises.

I totally accept you are non-binary. And? What are you instead? Decimal? Octal? Hexadecimal? Vigesimal? How am I to make the big matrix of sames and opposites unless this is clear? Humans have two categories of sex and there is trans for gender so that has at least two categories, so it can't be narrower than binary so what is it?

MN has clever people. We can do the maths if they tell us their dimensions.

God I hate the word queer. It's been toxic and utterly misused since at least 2012. That's when I came out of a baby fog and realised anyway...

Queerplatonic has to be one of the most insulting, pisstaking, indulgent things I've ever seen.

And anyway, I thought the whole premise of "queer" was that it was boundary breaking. Surely it's pretty fucking normal for women to have female friends. All my closest friends are female, most of them are straight (good old-fashioned straight), it's not because I'm not that most of my friends are female, it's because I'm female

FFS it's not even a "romantic friendship", it's specifically not romantic. If it was at least romantic I could just about understand. But it's just a fucking friendship!

Apologies for the swears.

I keep seeing youngsters describing themselves as queer meaning straight and not into kink but I have to call myself queer to show that I'm not boring middle-aged straight like my mum and dad.

I preferred use of goth, punk, hippy and glam rock amongst other to signify this previously.

Finally, I'm speshul. It turns out I am queer. Because I am attracted to masculine presenting people with penises

I'm still not. I'm a gender conforming women who is only attracted to gender conforming men.

I'm non gender conforming but over 30 so too old to count and not allowed an opinion.

good luck with that, kids!

How do you know someone is non binary unless they tell you?

I didn't understand that.

How do you know someone is non binary unless they tell you?

Never a problem, they will definitely tell you!
This whole thing hurts my head, to be honest.

I'm still not. I'm a gender conforming women who is only attracted to gender conforming men.

That's precisely what I am . Which is what's so funny. Because in this Brave New World of excoriating people for their genital preferences, I reckon that gives me as much right to claim to be queer as all the other Linnaean categorisations of our world of hexadecimal sexual attraction.

Gender conforming husband is currently out watching something (probably obscure and sub-titled) at the Edinburgh Film Festival. I stayed at home and made scones. He likes home made scones.

Oh and I'm wearing a pink pinny with a pattern of macaroons on it.

I keep seeing youngsters describing themselves as queer meaning straight and not into kink but I have to call myself queer to show that I'm not boring middle-aged straight like my mum and dad.

I've got lucky with my teenage DS, who has grown up in a gay household and sees being gay as totally non-edgy, because it's something that the Olds do....

How do you know someone is non binary unless they tell you?

Never a problem, they will definitely tell you!

It's like the joke about vegans " how do you know if someone is vegan? Don't worry they will tell you"

(I'm vegetarian so I think I'm almost allowed to make that joke)