The right to say 'no'

[RedToothBrush]

Just reading a few threads on various things today, particularly in reference to 'kink shaming' which has come up on several.

Women do have to be more confident in their right to say 'no' unequivocally, without having this desparate need to give a lengthy explanation of why it's OK for them to just assert themselves if they feel uncomfortable about something.

The right to say 'no' always comes down to the concept of concent and 'no' is a sufficient answer to personal boundaries whatever they maybe.

There shouldn't be a movement about trying to shame women constantly into justifying themselves - whether it be, being polite about their opinions, their personal boundaries or being told what their responsibilities are.

Saying 'no' as a form of consent isn't just about crossing your legs and not having sex. It's about being a woman and being able to assert yourself without being condemned for it in anyway.

I think it nearly needed stressing given what I'm reading and it deserved its own thread about how we need to make the point that 'no' without tying yourself up in knots should be something we try and do more of across whatever it happens to be.

We should not feel guilty for saying 'no' if it's something we are unhappy about.

Oh yes, it's got far, far worse for girls. Choking, anal - choking can easily be lethal and most women don't get much out of anal, what with having no prostate. And the poor young things are being taught that sex isn't for their own and their partner's pleasure but only for the man. It's horrible.

I'm over 60. I'm an unreconstructed old hippie. My pubes grow as they will and my pits are unshaved. And yet in bed a couple of years ago a man older than me started telling me about a previous partner who had had her anus bleached. I suspect he was trying obliquely to get me to volunteer to have mine done. I never found out his motivation because I just roared with laughter, saying it was a totally bizarre thing for anyone to do and he let the subject drop.

Seems even blokes in their sixties are bringing up this sort of pornified nonsense.

Male sadists/dominants definitely deserve to be shamed/lkink-shamed

And female dominants don't I presume? That's nice to know.

I have a friend who is into the whole BDSM thing and who identifies as a dominant. I'll be sure to let her know that you don't think she deserves to be shamed in any way.

And here we are - the thread has come full circle. With someone whinging about kink shaming. Again.

The OP got it right. Women have a right to say "no" to whatever they don't fancy, without qualification, without excuses, without explanation.

The language of "kink shaming" is all too often used to try to take away this right from women.

I don't particularly care if people with kinks feel touchy about this. I don't care if they want to consensually swing from the chandelier licking peanut butter off each other's nether regions. That's fine.

I do object to them bringing that into the public domain. Do what the fuck (literally) you want in private, but I don't want to know. And I certainly don't want the bringing of kink into the public domain used to pressurise and groom women into sexual acts they don't want.

And, in a culture where male sexual violence against women is ubiquitous, and where 99% of convicted sex offenders are male, yes, I will pass judgement on male doms. Because I think the mindset behind it is dodgy as fuck, and I strongly suspect that a lot of them are using it as a cover to sexually abuse women without comeback. I personally don't give a shit about female dommes, simply because they are not a threat to me as a woman. The percentage of female sex offenders is so low that I don't actually have to worry about that.