WIBU to write back

[HereBeFuckery]

matadornetwork.com/life/dear-straight-allies-please-dont-come-pride-youve-understood-6-things/

Posted by an acquaintance on Fb.

I want to post back 'Dear people-who-attend-Pride-who-consider-it-to-be-an-event-aimed-at-them (so as not to leave out any of the alphabet soup),
Please stop misgendering me as 'cis'. Please stop speaking to me as if I am a particularly oblivious tourist.
Please stop assuming I give a shiny shit about whatever your kink/fetish/orientation/presentation is.
Please take a second to notice that you mention ONLY your 'trans sisters', which kind of tells you something about the agenda here, doesn't it?
Please stop making out that gay/queer etc people can't hold hands in public. It's 2019. In the UK (where the Pride you are talking about is about to happen), this is now reasonably unremarkable, with some discrimination still, but we do not in this country (by and large) live in the age of The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.

Looking at those behaviours (name calling, mansplaining, arrogance, ignoring a whole group of people based on their sexual organs, exaggerating severity of discomfort), I am going to hazard a guess who wrote this (I didn't look at the byline.)

WIBU to post this?

Please stop making out that gay/queer etc people can't hold hands in public.

Please don't post this. I have lesbian friends who have been on the receiving end of homophobic abuse in recent times - it is not a distant memory sadly. They are also shit scared by the lurch towards right wing populism taking hold in many, many countries.

Please stop making out that gay/queer etc people can't hold hands in public

This is so dickish - and suggests you live in a bubble.

There’s actual things in it to criticise, unlike some of your points... like:

The mostly transgender patrons of color at The Stonewall are credited with starting the LGBT civil rights movement.

This is not accurate, for instance.

Guessing you don't spend too much time in my end of the UK. You are ignorant. Your assertion is wrong and shows your privilege.

@StrippingTheVelvet it's not 'wrong'. It's my experience. Yours is different. I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm actually really pissed off by that statement about holding hands. Marriage isn't even legal in a part of the UK. 4 members of our largest political party quit this week due to a lesbian representing them in the council elections. Fertility treatment is not available to lesbians on the NHS in NI either. What a cheek to say not being able to hold hands if you're gay is a lie. As if a culture tolerating the above is gay friendly . It might not be a bit of the UK that you're bothered about, but it's still there.

Are you straight, OP? Because if you are, your "it doesn't happen where I live" claim carries about as much weight as that old favourite some men trot out of "I don't believe the 1 in 4 statistic because none of my female friends have been raped" (newsflash: they have, they just don't feel comfortable telling you, and with good reason).

There is a point in any thread like this where, once all the other posters have told you to stop digging, it is in fact a good idea to stop digging before you surface in Melbourne.

@StrippingTheVelvet it's not 'wrong'. It's my experience. Yours is different. I'm sorry to hear that.

How is it your experience though? You have a husband - are you often out holding hands with your girlfriend on the side? You don’t have an experience of being gay.

Over 11k hate crimes motivated by sexual orientation in 2017-18 and an ongoing upward trend over the past decade, so actually, yes, you very much are wrong.

www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hate-crime-england-and-wales-2017-to-2018

I don't think Op meant to cause a storm here and is open to suggestions?
JessicaWake I'm the link op gave they talk about trans people of colour who started the stonewall riots. So they are talking about Marsh P. Johnson, who was a drag artist and gay man. Is that correct?

Yes that’s correct.

Wow OP doesn't see the irony in her second paragraph.

As a femme-presenting queer woman
I can't help but think that means TW (aka a male).
I'd take issue with postmodern gender ideology in the LGBT movement that had worked to destroy the meaning of words, you may as well not bother with these self defined identity labels anymore because they all end up just completely meaningless.

Other than that I think the whole thing is basically trying to say "straight men please don't go to dyke bars" which is fine, (but obv it's very hypocritical to ask straight men not to go there, but to welcome any heterosexual man who identifies as a woman into "dyke bars") and "don't photograph people without their consent" which is fine, and I think .. Don't try to arrange a threesome unless it's agreed in advance? Fair enough I guess. Not too much there to take issue with really.

I don't see an issue with it. If we want to have boundaries, then we should allow other groups to have them too.

The first point is understanding the history of pride and why it is necessary, similar arguments could be made for single sex spaces. The last point is about being a guest in their space and acting accordingly, which chimes a bit with the approach of Debbie Hayton to women's toilets.

They don't want pride to become meaningless, their history appropriated by people who don't need it - fair enough.

I honestly can’t see arrogance or mansplaining there. Weird thing to get riled about.

Also why the snarky guess at who wrote it when a very cursory click through would show you it’s a lesbian.

A) I would really rather straight people didn't go to pride.
It's turned into a huge commercial cabaret where nobody who would actually benefit can get tickets and it would be better if it could be more representative and grassroots.
B)you sound homophobic and ignorant.

So post away and allow people to see you for who you are, I say.

I feel OK holding hands in a busy crowded place in daylight. Sort of OK. Like I won't be murdered.

If I'm on a walk and holding hands and somebody is approaching we will stop. You just never know whether someone is a homophobe who is violent.

I've been terrified for my life in the last couple of years. A few times. Including in a town where the population is about 1/4 lesbians.

Nobody is scheduling their homophobic hate crime so it happens in front of you.

No, it's not my experience as I am indeed straight.
It's not the experience of gay friends, with whom I talk about this kind of thing.
All I can say is: I didn't mean to minimise the fact that there is discrimination, and I hate that it exists.

My issue was the tone of the piece. I find being called 'cis' offensive. It alienates me. Surely that's in no-one's interest? My issue is that only 'trans sisters' are referred to. Are there not trans brothers? Why is it okay, if the writer is a lesbian, for her to ignore transmen? As a straight person it feels as though I am being held to one standard (be inclusive), with which I whole heartedly agree, but the writer does not feel she should be held to that standard.

I have no issue with Pride being an event to which access is controlled. Safe spaces for all!

I do have an issue with being spoken to as if I have no idea that I shouldn't take photos of random strangers as if they are interesting monuments. I know that, thanks.

Why can’t straight women go to Pride? We’ve been supporting our sisters, brothers (and I mean relatives) and gay friends for years.

Why not when a man in a dress who has sex with women (with his penis) is put at the head of the parade? That’s not a sexual preference that’s a kink.

"I'm not homophobic, I have gay friends that agree with me...."

I do have an issue with being spoken to as if I have no idea that I shouldn't take photos of random strangers as if they are interesting monuments. I know that, thanks.

Was it directed at you personally?

😂 OP don't worry, nobody is accusing you of being inclusive.

I dont think the author is saying straight people shouldn't go to pride. Just that if you do, dont treat it like a 'freak show' and laugh (in a mocking way) at people because they are different to you. While pride is fun, there is a serious reason why pride exists.

I cant see what the problem is with that message?

Well the photo of the human dogs on leads at a march was definitely photo worthy I think.

Not RTFT but read the article

They are saying non lgbtqiilxkp little shouldn't go to pride as its not for them

But also are pissed of that as a female they weren't allowed into a gay bar?

Much lols :)

Yes calling women fish is total misogyny however why the fuck was she trying to get into a gay bar, its not for her!

Wonderful lack of logic