OMGYES - anyone else signed up?

[Deathgrip]

I realise this is a sexual thing, but it’s also a ridiculously amazing feminist thing. I have never seen anything like this, I have never had any discussions with women about what works for them sexually, it’s absolutely shocking how taboo this is still and it’s 2019.

I am absolutely gob smacked by what I’ve seen already and I only signed up ten minutes ago!

How is it that I’m 36 and know so much more about men’s pleasure than my own?!

I don't think most men can really handle us actually being unselfconsciously sexual. If we're putting on a little porny show just for them they're all for it

This with fucking bells on. This sums up the majority of my more positive sexual experiences - which is appalling isn’t it?

Luckily my relationship now is nothing like that - thank god. We’ve had a marriage with extreme dry spells that have lasted a long time (to put it mildly - five or so years at one point) and somehow we’ve managed to survive that. My hormone levels dictate whether I have a sex drive at all - a month ago I wouldn’t have been able to stand to read or watch this content, now I’m absolutely fascinated by it.

Deathgrip given that we're all not now going to sign up, could you share some info /tips. It sounds interesting!

Thank you Datun - I have tried to keep the GnrH analog stuff separate from my other posts because I have been quite viciously attacked in the past for speaking about my own experiences on this topic. I’ve been somewhat paranoid about people linking those posts to my other posts (hence I have several usernames and use different ones with slightly adapted details depending on what I’m posting about).

I also have a bit of a weird hang up now about people knowing I want to have sex, probably because for most of the last 10 years sex has been something I find literally repellant.

But hey, it’s not anything to be ashamed of is it, wanting to have a fulfilling sex life finally after hating the thought for so long? I probably should have just used this name in the first place as those who recognise it could then see there may be some light at the end of this tunnel (with the caveat that, based on past experiences, the libido I have now could be gone next week and never come back).

Can’t we have anything good without awful people being involved in it?

You are still happy to promote this site despite what you've been told?

FFS. I think I’ve covered that already and said that had I known about this I would neither of given them my money or recommended it. I’m not “still promoting” it, I’m discussing it. I’m not telling anyone to spend money on it, and in all honesty I would now absolutely say that others shouldn’t purchase it.

However the content that I’ve seen so far is valuable in terms of advancing understanding of women’s sexual enjoyment, even if the company itself is associated with some terrible people and that makes me very uncomfortable. This is problematic. Does it make the information useless though? No, I don’t believe it does. I am hopeful that others without these awful connections will see that there is a need and desire for this sort of research and information (and much more - after my experiences I desperately hope that someone researches female hormones and total loss of libido so that no one has to go through what I’ve been through).

Hello folks, thanks for the reports. FWIW, we don't see anything in the OP's (fairly extensive) posting history which would suggest they were a shill/pervert (or a shilling pervert). Obviously, we can never completely vouch for the motivations of anyone posting on the boards, but we don't think there's much cause for concern here.

level I’m not sure where I would even start with tips - without the videos / animations etc it’s difficult to pass the info on. I did find this info interesting when I was looking yesterday, along with graphics showing where women have this region and the percentages of this (the nerd in me likes the stats) - it’s completely different from my previous understanding of this area.

Thanks Becky - I’m very relieved you don’t think I’m a pervert 😂

You don't sound like a troll to me

I'm glad this thing (whatever the negative connotations are) has helped you a bit.

Sorry! I tried to post that ages ago and missed your other username and MNHQs post. I hate it when people do that so apologies!

this sounds like an ad.

Oh dear. Ground hog day! I'm coming back later when I'm on my iPad not my phone can't see the picture pp

Come as you are by Emily Nagoski £10.69 on eBay. Brilliant book all about the female orgasm by a great feminist. It's science based with lots of info that turns what we've been told about female sexuality on it's head. Helped me enormously.

Fingers in my ears in case someone now tells me Emily is into a pervy, abusive sex cult

Barelove I read that when my sex drive was gone last time, hoping it would help, but I couldn’t get through it (because of my own issues at the time, not because the book was bad). I’m not sure if I kept it, I will try to dig it out. I remember being interested by the science side. I went through a phase of trying to force myself to be sexual (on my own, not with DH) because so much of what you read on this topic is about how it’s all psychological, if you just do it you’ll get into it but for me any sexual touch, even my own, was sickening. So I was definitely not in the right mindset for it.

I haven’t actually looked at any more of the OMGYES content since this thread - because of the negative associations, I now feel weird about it. Something quite interesting has happened to me though, based on the stuff I did watch - my confidence has gone up by about 300%. It’s bizarre. I didn’t even watch that much of it, only looked at a couple of the sections in depth, but since then the sex we’ve had has been completely different for me. And it’s not because I’m employing lots of new techniques, it’s just that I’ve lost a chunk of shame and self-consciousness I didn’t even know was there.

This is all quite personal and embarrassing, but when my sex drive goes it’s gone completely, and when it comes back (especially the first few weeks) it’s so full on that I’m like the stereotype of a teenage boy. It’s actually too much to be honest, and as a result I’ve always thought that the intensity of that means I’ve lost my inhibitions completely. At least that’s what I thought until I actually lost them this week.

It has nothing to do with orgasms - I’ve never had an issue having those (when I have a libido at least) which is very fortunate and I know lots of women aren’t so lucky. It’s more that I didn’t realise how much of my focus was on my partner even during things that are supposedly for my benefit - turns out that I’ve been so used to worrying about what parts of my body look like, whether I’m gurning weirdly, whether it’s working for my partner, am I making too much noise, not enough noise, weird noises etc. This has been such a huge part of my mindset during sex that I didn’t even know it was there until it was gone. I am just so much more relaxed now, and I just don’t care if the way I’m being sexual is the right way or not. I don’t know if that makes sense.

I don’t know why it’s had this effect on me (and after reading this thread I feel bad that it has to be honest). I think it’s a combination of factors - acceptance of female pleasure as a unique and acceptable thing, the openness of the content, the fact it’s not seedy, seeing women being so open and unashamed, feeling sad at some of the things I read about the shame other women have felt... I don’t know what, but it’s already made a big difference. Even if i never look at the content again, I have definitely gained something from it.

I honestly wish I’d never posted about it now - I don’t want to be associated with or lining the pockets of bad people. But without this thread I’m not sure I would ever have known that this is an issue because I hadn’t heard of the people involved, and short of googling them individually I wouldn’t have learnt any of this. So it’s a very problematic position to be in because now I absolutely can’t recommend it, but I’d be disingenuous if I didn’t say that what I’d already seen has been transformative in some ways.

As you can see from my rambling, I’m struggling with this! I’ll have another look at that book if I can find it or order another and see if I can recommend that instead when the subject comes up. And apologies again to those with more knowledge than I had - I would never have recommended had I known.

Come as you are by Emily Nagoski £10.69 on eBay. Brilliant book all about the female orgasm by a great feminist. It's science based with lots of info that turns what we've been told about female sexuality on it's head. Helped me enormously.

Fingers in my ears in case someone now tells me Emily is into a pervy, abusive sex cult

apologies for bumping this thread but I have to express some concerns here

Emily Nagoski and her book Come as You Are have been heavily promoted by 2 organisations of serious concern

Firstly Goop, a highly dubious organisation promoting jade eggs, vaginal steaming and other dangerous, misogynist quackery

Secondly the Esalen Institute, a truly fascinating organisation whose foundations lie in the new age movement and were heavily influenced by scientology via EST and its subsequent derivatives (e.g. Lifespring, Landmark Education, Hoffmann Process). The Rajneeshee movement (aka Osho), various neo-tantric / neo-Reichian cults and other sex cults have long been involved in Esalen as have various false memory / psychotherapy cults.

Nagoski's links to Goop are easily found but for anyone interested her links to Esalen are here

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190426192835/www.esalen.org/person/emily-nagoski" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190426192835/www.esalen.org/person/emily-nagoski

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190510110440/www.esalen.org/workshop/weekend-september-27-29/burnout-secret-unlocking-stress-cycle" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190510110440/www.esalen.org/workshop/weekend-september-27-29/burnout-secret-unlocking-stress-cycle

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190510110516/www.esalen.org/workshop/weekend-october-4-6/come-you-are-surprising-new-science-will-transform-your-sex-life" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190510110516/www.esalen.org/workshop/weekend-october-4-6/come-you-are-surprising-new-science-will-transform-your-sex-life

The faculty of Esalen features:

The notorious plastic shaman Alberto Villoldo
<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190426193118/www.esalen.org/person/alberto-villoldo" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190426193118/www.esalen.org/person/alberto-villoldo

The notorious quack Bessel van der Kolk (recently sacked for bullying female colleagues)
<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190426193449/www.esalen.org/person/bessel-van-der-kolk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190426193449/www.esalen.org/person/bessel-van-der-kolk

Bruce Lyon, an interesting man whose “tantric” teachings are linked to various enterprises of concern

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190426201040/www.esalen.org/person/bruce-lyon" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190426201040/www.esalen.org/person/bruce-lyon

Here Lyon promotes ISTA (a front organisation for the Sedona Temple a “sister temple” to the new age brothel the Phoenix Goddess Temple)

Ellen Bass - co-author of the notorious book The Courage To Heal - an extremely controversial publication that advocated repressed memory therapy and resulted in countless lawsuits after vulnerable, brainwashed women falsely accused their parents of sexual abuse

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20170509194229/www.esalen.org/person/ellen-bass" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20170509194229/www.esalen.org/person/ellen-bass

There is so much more about Esalen but I would be here all day (all week more like) if I tried to highlight all the concerns.

Jeez! You took that one and ran! Good digging Hood

I suppose I could say that it's not Emily's fault if Goop recommend her. She can't do anything about that can she, even if she hates it. The issue would be if Emily was recommending Goop and their vaginal steaming, yeah?

The Esalen connection could be similarly innocuous. Looks like she has a couple of workshops running on their premises this year. Who knows why she's agreed to do them. May be she thinks it'd help people? Again, the issue would be if Emily was promoting Esalen, not the other way around.

Come as you are is a brilliant book. Written with an obvious intention of supporting women to get a better understanding of our bodies and to call out the male centred way we have all been raised to measure our sexual responses. It's radical feminism and I still love it

Emily Nagoski

twitter.com/emilynagoski/status/1009031043423367168

" just the opinion of one cis woman who has been trying to write inclusively about “women’s” sexuality (whatever the heck that is) for a couple decades."

OMGNO! She's died her hair blue and has drank the Kool aid. Bloody hell Emily.

Ah well, book's still amazing. So glad she wrote it well before she got all woke. Nothing in there about laydee dicks thank f*ck.

I suppose I could say that it's not Emily's fault if Goop recommend her. She can't do anything about that can she, even if she hates it. The issue would be if Emily was recommending Goop and their vaginal steaming, yeah?

Goop is a corporate business that portrays itself as "empowering" for women but is actually one of the most (if not the most) high profile promoters of misogynist / snake oil products to women.

I very much doubt that Goop would promote anything at all that did not involve Goop earning commission. These business may gush about women's empowerment but it is all about kerching kerching as the money rolls in.

I would not touch anything promoted by Goop. Ever.

The Esalen connection could be similarly innocuous. Looks like she has a couple of workshops running on their premises this year. Who knows why she's agreed to do them. May be she thinks it'd help people? Again, the issue would be if Emily was promoting Esalen, not the other way around.

Same issue as with Goop. Besides, Esalen is notorious for promoting cults and misogynist woo. If Nagoski was someone concerned about the safety of women she would send them a cease and desist notice and get her name removed from their website.

Maybe some interested reader could ask her about these issues? I would be interested to learn her response

@barelove

I spend much of my life just declaring "Oh for fucks sake"

Maybe some interested reader could ask her about these issues? I would be interested to learn her response

I'll keep her book and I'll still recommend it but I've lost all interest in her now.