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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

How would you respond to this interview question?

47 replies

Newnyham · 28/04/2019 17:39

Are you planning to start a family? / Any variation of this.

I have a bout of job interviews coming up so I've been doing some practice with my dad who regularly recruits staff.

He threw this question in there when we were rehearsing. At first I actually laughed, and then told him that he wasn't allowed to ask that. That I was pretty sure it was illegal to ask that in an interview. Anyway to cut a long story short he advised me that the only acceptable answer in this scenario would be to say that I have no plans and move swiftly on.

He said that if I refused to answer the question, said yes or called them out on/argued about the questions legality then that would not help me get the job. Which really is the overall aim.

OP posts:
MadamBatty · 28/04/2019 17:43

You don’t want to work for an organization that asks you that question. It’s illegal & anybody who asks it is down right stupid.

Stillabitemo · 28/04/2019 17:46

I would hope I’d be strong enough to call them out on it and say something along the lines of ‘that question breaches the equality act so I won’t be answering’

PolarBearBubbles · 28/04/2019 17:48

'Is that relevant to the role? I presume you are asking all male candidates the same question?'

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 17:51

I would say "well, it's been an experience" and leave. And I'm childfree by choice.

Original poster
Newnyham · 28/04/2019 17:53

The frustrating thing is that even if a company did ask male candidates as well then they wouldn't care what the answer was. If anything what I've ready about equality and the workplace men become more desirable employees when they have children Angry

I was amazed that when I mentioned this to a group of friend the men of the group didn't think the question was illegal! These are guys in their mid twenties. Surely not rocket science that its discriminatory.

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 18:09

oh they might well care about the answer

I've had a woman director say that she welcomed paternity leave because men who chose not to use it were clearly more committed to their jobs

what struck me was that I think she thought I'd be okay with that statement - but oddly enough I'm a great believer in people having a life outside work.

one thing she did do at interviews was ask about "external commitments". One candidate said "is that your way of asking if I have children?" Boss replied "no, it's my way of telling you that if you have tennis or AmDram or whatever, you will not have time for it in this job".

nellodee · 28/04/2019 18:14

I would say, "My five year plan sees me gaining promotion to a senior role within this company."

gettingtherequickly · 28/04/2019 18:15

It's a good way to root out those companies that you don't want to work for, regardless of your desire for children.
I'd end the interview and leave.

FeministCat · 28/04/2019 18:21

Oh my goodness, even the 60+ year old men I work with who sometimes tend to be clueless about their own sexism no one does not ask this question. Though I have heard one of them tiptoe around asking it...of a man.

If I hypothetically were asked this question, I’d tell them they needed to review their interview policies with HR and legal, and leave. I by the way am childfree and sterilized. Still not an interviewers business. And you don’t want to work for an employer who thinks it is.

aidelmaidel · 28/04/2019 18:25

It may not exactly be illegal to ask the question--it's just illegal to take the answer into account when hiring, which means as an interview question it's either sketchy or pointless. Ask A Manager usually recommends an answer like "Oh, answering that could put us into some dodgy legal territory, so it's probably better that we move to a different subject!" (add tinkly laugh ad lib)

NotTerfNorCis · 28/04/2019 18:30

I'm sure it's not allowed. I regularly interview people and have been told to stay away from questions like that.

Karwomannghia · 28/04/2019 18:33

I think I would react as you did in your role play and laugh incredulously!

Original poster
Newnyham · 28/04/2019 18:34

Rosa Doesn't that director sound charming Hmm

I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to just leave. Especially if its for somewhere I really want. You're all right though, if they did ask this and I got the job they'd have already shown their cards and I'd know that this wasn't somewhere I'd want to stay for long.

OP posts:
ClareSleepy · 28/04/2019 18:52

I don't think you should get so hung up on a hypothetical situation that's illegal and won't happen.

SonicVersusGynaephobia · 28/04/2019 19:45

I don't think you should get so hung up on a hypothetical situation that's illegal and won't happen.

It's not "illegal" and it does happen.

It is likely to be discriminatory, which is unlawful. And it does happen, I've had it (and if I have children) asked of me.

"Oh, answering that could put us into some dodgy legal territory, so it's probably better that we move to a different subject!" (add tinkly laugh ad lib)

I'd go with this.

I'd maybe add "no, I'm not" to the beginning because who gives a fuck if you're lying, it's none of their business and they shouldn't be asking it.

Actually, I hope you are planning to, and you get the job, and get pregnant, and they are pissed because you said no and they hired you. Then you leave with the experience and find a much better job. Smile

LassOfFyvie · 28/04/2019 19:47

Anyone asking that question runs the risk of being hauled in front of an employment tribunal.

I hope the OP's father isn't involved in recruitment in real life.

Germ1360 · 28/04/2019 19:49

It can happen, though they try to make it less obvious. I was asked (phd interview in 2014) "so, I notice you got married last year - are you sure you can commit to this position". I wish I had complained, but also am glad I didn't as the bloke works in my field. I met him the next year at a conference. He didn't appear to recognise me.

Iamtheworst · 28/04/2019 19:52

Isn’t it usually asked “what degree of flexibility can you offer?”

To which I always say fully flexible and let them decide to ask about family commitments.

EvelynShaw · 28/04/2019 21:08

It is illegal to ask where I live; if you are asked then you are legally permitted to lie. Still didn’t stop it being asked by a senior director in a recruitment agency though.

RevealTheLegend · 28/04/2019 21:14

Interestingly my male DP Has been asked this, but I haven’t.

He said it was none of their business

Original poster
Newnyham · 28/04/2019 21:49

Sonic I love the idea of someone visibly pregnant replying that they 'have no plans' Wink (though probably not a very practical answer)

LassOfFyvie He has been involved with interviewing. I think he threw it in there so that I would have already considered my answer, should it come up. Though it annoyed me I'm glad he made me aware that it could be something they ask. I didn’t think it was a possibility.

The last person I worked for during the summer didn’t interview me we just had a quick chat on my first morning there. The first things he asked were what did my parents and my DH do for a living. He later said he knew I’d be good because my DH was doing a PhD at the time Hmm

OP posts:
Erythronium · 28/04/2019 22:01

Does he ask women the question himself when he's interviewing then OP?

3boysandabump · 28/04/2019 22:06

Our director regularly asks women if they are using contraception during interviews.

AlwaysColdHands · 28/04/2019 22:07

My male DP was asked last year if we planned to have any more children at a job interview......he was taken aback, I was livid when I found out
It happens!

Macaroonmayhem · 28/04/2019 22:11

My understanding is it’s not illegal if they ask it of everyone they are interviewing. However, as others have said, if they ask it they are arseholes and to be avoided because it will impact on their decision. And yes the correct answer is no plans.