Explaining differences between boys and girls to kids?

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I’ve scrambled my brain this morning 😄

Ok so we’re on a family holiday at the moment and yesterday the men took the kids (all boys) to a plane museum while the women went off and did something else. It just happened to split that way.

This morning my 3 year old asks
‘so is the plane museum just for boys then?’
and my DH (I think we’d both identify as feminists, albeit not very expert ones) says:
‘not at all, girls and boys can do anything. There’s no difference between boys and girls’,
to which my automatic response was:
‘hmm well there are, because men don’t have all these biological things going on, haven’t had to fight for equality for all these years’ etc. But also I do believe that boys and girls can both go to plane museums 😄

Bit complex for a 3 year old.

So as you can tell I am trying to get this straight in my head. I know both the above statements are true - women are biologically different to men, but also gender stereotypes are rubbish. I know it’s the difference between sex (biological) and gender (social). So how do I explain this to my boys as they grow up - I’m looking for simple phrasing (for me as well as the kids 😄)

Gender stereotypes :
Boys : blue/cars
Girls: pink/princesses
I don’t agree therefore don’t agree that plane museum is just for boys. Fine.

But biological differences - men don’t experience hormone fluctuations that can mess with their minds and bodies every month. Men are physically stronger eg transwomen competing with females for college scholarships - atrocious. Someone genetically male will never have the same experiences as somebody born female.

So how do I marry the 2, I know both above are what I believe but trying to work out how to explain to sons that boys & girls can both do a plane museum..... but that actually there ARE differences between boys and girls and women have had to fight to get to where we are ??

Our bodies are different.
Our minds are not.

Silly people think because our bodies are different that we are also supposed to like different things and behave differently. That's wrong. Silly people make up nasty rules that aren't fair and they're mostly unfair for girls. That's wrong too.

We're not silly people. We know that boys and girls have different bodies, and that's all. We're going to make sure we treat boys and girls fairly.

Love your answer Barracker

So how do I marry the 2, I know both above are what I believe but trying to work out how to explain to sons that boys & girls can both do a plane museum.....

You're over complicating this

Boy children can do all the things. Girl children can do all the things. The only difference is that they have slightly different bodies.

The different bodies have implications later on, but maybe your three year old isn't ready for that bit yet? At least not while discussing the plane museum?

I have 2 kids aged 6 and 3. One female, one male.

I've explained there are no such thing as 'girls things' and 'boys things' and that everyone can wear and play with what they want. However, the difference is that boys and men have penises and girls and women have vulvas and can have babies when they're old enough. They also know it's fine if they want to marry a boy or a girl, or no one, and they don't have to have babies when they're older if they don't want to.

That's worked out fine for us, the eldest at least seems to have a good understanding of sex differences. DS is younger and is still asking me where my penis is. Both children enjoy a mixture of clothes and toys.

Yy I agree with Rubber. When DS was little, our answer was 'everybody can do everything; go everywhere; like everything. There are no such things as boy things or girl things.'
Questions about bodies were dealt with as they arose.

Ah, yes, that’s it!
Our bodies are different.
Our minds are not.
The whole ‘I think like a woman’ rubbish, that’s the bit I was missing. Thanks @Barracker
and everyone else for the insght

Girls have vaginas and vulvas and boys have penises and testicles.

The only thing boys can do that girls can't is pee standing up and even that can be worked around!

I don't think you need to explain "gender" differences as well as biological differences when explaining the difference between the sexes.

When the kids said things like "girls cant do xyz" i explained that was sexist and that some people will tell them they cant do things because they are a boy or a girl but that's rubbish and ignore them. Then point out that mummy/daddy does all those things. It's best if you make an effort to not stick to stereotypical roles at home if yoi can help it.

I wouldn't go into boys being larger/stronger at that age as while its true at elite levels it's not relevant (or true really) at primary and more likely to lead to him thinking girls are weak.

It's useful to not lecture feminism but to ram it home mention it when specifically relevant also. So during the elections "do you know what voting is? Do you know how important it is? Did you know women weren't ALLOWED to vote? children have an inate sense of when something isnt fair and they will be furious. But if it's too much when they're small I think they blank you (same with anything though not just feminism}

"Our bodies are different.
Our minds are not"

That's not really true. Countless studies have shown differences in the male and female brain. Different behaviour in male and females is also displayed throughout the animal kingdom.

It's a combination of nature and nurture.

Our bodies are different
Our minds are not

This is perfect!!

Micaela64

The mind is the sum of the brain, the mind is not the same as the brain.
Female brains are not born in male bodies.

^
That's not really true. Countless studies have shown differences in the male and female brain. Different behaviour in male and females is also displayed throughout the animal kingdom.^

Countless studies have proven brain plasticity and that humans have huge capacity to learn and that these changes occur as we age and as we gender certain activities for children. Countless studies have not proved natural man brain/ woman brain though. And they certainly could never prove that we are naturally predisposed to most human activity as most isn't natural but is cultural.

I had this conversation yesterday with my almost 3 year old, as he was asking if he could have a baby in his tummy when he was older (I'm 15wks pregnant and he's very interested).
I explained that there is no difference at all between boys and girls, except boys have a willy and girls don't, but that girls and boys are equally clever and strong and can do and like all the same things.
Then I explained that when we grow up to be adult men and women there are some differences like men sometimes being a bit bigger and faster, and women being able to grow babies in their tummies, but that we can still all do the same jobs and hobbies.
I'm sure other people can come up with better explanations but he seemed happy with that for now.

Silly people think

So people that don't agree with your personal philosophy are silly?

People that are sexist are ignorant assholes brizzle but it's a bit harsh to say that to a three year old.

People that think interests and activities are dependent on what's in your chromosomes are, indeed, silly.

I agree with that but a three year isn't going to be able to work that out are they? To a three year old they are just going to pick up that mummy and daddy think it's ok to call people silly if they don't agree with them.

I agree with that but a three year isn't going to be able to work that out are they? To a three year old they are just going to pick up that mummy and daddy think it's ok to call people silly if they don't agree with them.

No. You're teaching your child your values and that somethings are right and some things are wrong.

Same as if you said "It's a bit silly to hit when we can ask nicely for a toy"

It's just parenting.

Boys and girls can both go to the museum.

Sex only comes into it if they want to use the toilet when they get there.

I think if you teach your kids that planes are only for boys they are going to be baffled at the Amelia Earhart exhibit.

I think it’s important to teach three year olds to tell people that they are silly when they are being silly.

You aren’t going to he there when a teacher, fresh from training, tells your child that people can be born in the wrong body.

Twenty or thirty kids shaking their heads and saying ‘No, silly!’ to some earnest blue haired idiot will be quite effective.

How would you explain THIS to kids???
twitter.com/AliceHaas8/status/1118882920234668032

You aren’t going to he there when a teacher, fresh from training, tells your child that people can be born in the wrong body.

I doubt that is something they are taught on the PGCE but I'd like to see the evidence that they are.

How would you explain THIS to kids???
twitter.com/AliceHaas8/status/1118882920234668032

As the product of the very vivid imagination of a sculptor ...

@brizzlemint It doesn't have to be on the PGCE syllabus. We know where it comes from. It's reasonable to assume (observe) that NQTs are generally more susceptible.

Are you just here to nitpick and goad @brizzlemint ?

Are you just here to nitpick and goad @brizzlemint ?

Why? Because I don't agree that NQTs are likely to just accept that they need to teach nonsense about trans people?