Explaining differences between boys and girls to kids?

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I’ve scrambled my brain this morning 😄

Ok so we’re on a family holiday at the moment and yesterday the men took the kids (all boys) to a plane museum while the women went off and did something else. It just happened to split that way.

This morning my 3 year old asks
‘so is the plane museum just for boys then?’
and my DH (I think we’d both identify as feminists, albeit not very expert ones) says:
‘not at all, girls and boys can do anything. There’s no difference between boys and girls’,
to which my automatic response was:
‘hmm well there are, because men don’t have all these biological things going on, haven’t had to fight for equality for all these years’ etc. But also I do believe that boys and girls can both go to plane museums 😄

Bit complex for a 3 year old.

So as you can tell I am trying to get this straight in my head. I know both the above statements are true - women are biologically different to men, but also gender stereotypes are rubbish. I know it’s the difference between sex (biological) and gender (social). So how do I explain this to my boys as they grow up - I’m looking for simple phrasing (for me as well as the kids 😄)

Gender stereotypes :
Boys : blue/cars
Girls: pink/princesses
I don’t agree therefore don’t agree that plane museum is just for boys. Fine.

But biological differences - men don’t experience hormone fluctuations that can mess with their minds and bodies every month. Men are physically stronger eg transwomen competing with females for college scholarships - atrocious. Someone genetically male will never have the same experiences as somebody born female.

So how do I marry the 2, I know both above are what I believe but trying to work out how to explain to sons that boys & girls can both do a plane museum..... but that actually there ARE differences between boys and girls and women have had to fight to get to where we are ??

Because of every post you've made on the thread so far. You do seem quite combative today, on this subject.

Why? Because I don't agree that NQTs are likely to just accept that they need to teach nonsense about trans people?

Do you think a NQT would challenge an instructor teaching utter genderbollocks?

So people that don't agree with your personal philosophy are silly?

That's right.

People who think having a female body means you are supposed to like different things and behave a different way are silly.
People who make up mean rules for girls to obey are silly.

Yep.
Happy to stand by that.

I can think of stronger, more apt words than silly to describe people who endorse sexist views about how girls should think and behave and obey differently than boys, but the OP's child is only 3, so this is the PG version.

I've had similar discussions over the years with my kids and I would say to a three year old "there's no such thing as girl things and boy things, anyone can like or do anything they like". If the same three year old (boy for this example) asked in the same or a different conversation if he could have a baby (also a discussion I've had many times) I would explain that only women can grow babies in their tummies, and I would also give a short age appropriate explanation of male and female reproduction.

My four year old DS is absolutely clear that he will one day make sperm and that a woman makes an egg and they join and make a baby. He knows this stuff because we are very open about it in a clear and factual way.

I did have to put him right in Tesco's today when he saw makeup and said "that's for ladies", and I said "anyone can wear make up of they want to, whether they are a man or a woman". Then he moved onto why couldn't he have an ice-cream.

That's not really true. Countless studies have shown differences in the male and female brain. Different behaviour in male and females is also displayed throughout the animal kingdom.

There’s a difference between the physical brain and the mind, surely.

I think if you teach your kids that planes are only for boys they are going to be baffled at the Amelia Earhart exhibit.

Well yes, precisely what I’m trying not to do 😄

Thanks for all the responses, I have been reading the feminism board a lot lately and learning loads but always reticent to post and get my arse handed to me 😄 — no longer!!

Do you think a NQT would challenge an instructor teaching utter genderbollocks?

a. I've seen it happen
b. They don't teach genderbollocks on the PGCE

^ seen PGCE students/NQTs challenge others - not specifically relating to gender but stuff that was bollocks like teaching children that whales are fish.

I think this kind of thing works best if you focus on the child development angle.
Three year olds are very concrete thinkers. They will generally accept what you tell them at face value. They are looking around them, also, to see what actually seems to be the case. They often make errors by overgeneralising with what they observe, or what you tell them, these tend to be corrected naturally as they gain experience

I would stick to the biological - men and women are different because of reproductive role. You could present that as boys can become fathers, or have penises, while women have a vulva/uterus, or may become mothers - whatever will work for the child. I would also say that men and women like many of the same things, and there are very few places that are only for one or the other, plane musems are enjoyed both by men and women.

I think getting into questions of socialisation vs sexed behaviour is beside the point, really. It may be that more men like airplanes for some sort of reason related to sexual biology, really we don't know, but the fact is that lots of women like them too, and you aren't having a conversation about why women aren't represented in equal numbers as airplane mechanics. All of that is outside what a three year old can take in or cares about.

Genderbollocks is no different from racism. Its silly, it makes the people who push the agenda look ridiculous, and its unfair.

As other pp have already pointed out, most kids have an innate sense of fairness. So they can understand that while our bodies are different, no one can help the way they are born, and the way we are born doesn't mean we should be treated unfairly.

I pointed out to my 11 year old son the other day that his willy wouldn't get in the way while he was unpacking the shopping (he'd suggested his sister do it). To be fair he was probably just being lazy not sexist, but it embarrassed him into getting on and doing as he'd been asked

I've had more problems with my 7 year old DS who was properly upset and "confessed" to liking "girls things" (which turned out to be TV programmes the girls discuss and the boys pretend not to). It's a load of balls ( sorry) anyway because most of the boys who discuss and "play" StarWars endlessly have never actually sat through the films, and they all bluster about pretending to play fortnite when only one or two have parents careless enough to actually allow 7 year olds to do so... I've also said there isn't really girls stuff or boys stuff unless you need a girl/ woman body or a boy/ man body to do that thing.

We've also talked about how before puberty girls and boys are almost exactly the same except for genitalia but during and after puberty there are a lot more differences, but that's in relation to specific questions and having older siblings, who have friends round and play team sports etc.