Train seats - is this me being sensitive?

[traumaforgotten]

I travel long distance on trains a lot - often where the seat reservations don't come through (Same company) and every time I notice there is a pattern where I am asked to move myself or my bag first when there is a wealth of empty seats next to men all around me. Not even with bags on the seats - it's like it's much easier to inconvenience me than to ask a guy to move his bag - every time

I purposely ask people with bags on seats as people thinking a bag deserves a seat over a human being is infuriating.

Do people think they'll get less resistance from a woman or prefer to sit next to a woman? I prefer to sit next to a woman.

I agree with SimonJT and do the same. If you don't want people to ask you to move your bag, OP, don't take up a seat with it.

Plenty of other seats with bags on them is my point

Don't put your bag on the seat.

Ok will experiment with the aisle block manoeuvre and see if that makes a difference

I also target people with bags on seats as it’s a custom I hate. Before bags on seats though, I target people who sit in the aisle seat and leave the window seat free - partly because I like window seats.

I prefer to seat myself next to a woman after a horrendous experience when I was 17 where a (male, obviously) passenger used his lap bag as a disguise to touch me.
I feel less threatened sitting next to a woman.

I think I might prefer to sit with a woman tbh... though I will ask someone who's annoyed me (eg barging in front of me) over someone neutral.

When I was pregnant I would asked a rude/annoying person and then probably a man to give up a priority seat.

Also, I think most women prefer to sit next to another woman and most men either don’t care or prefer women, so women tend to get asked more.

@BoomBoomsCousin yes I think you may be right

Also very sorry to the poster who had a horrible experience

The train route I'm is noticeably more men than women at the time I travel. It's just that the same behaviour seems to get distinctly different responses...

Why is anyone asking you to move when there are empty seats? Why do they want your seat? I'd say no to anyone who asked for my seat when there were empty seats left.

I would ask a woman over a man because you're less likely to get a nasty response.

You might have “one of those” looks - do you get approached for directions or by charity people more than other people?

Some people just look unthreatening, clean and relatively friendly. You might also be giving off politeness vibes. All these things make you a more likely “target” for sitting next to.

I always aim to sit next to a woman if I have to share, much less likely to take up more room than is fair.

I travel a fair bit by train to London and Aberdeen. Most people usually avoid, if at all possible, having to sit next to anyone.

I've never had any one ask me to move or to move my bag if there are lots of empty, unreserved seats.

Remember a seat might look free but be marked as reserved. If I don't have a reservation when getting on at Edinburgh there is no point in taking a seat marked as "reserved from Berwick to London" until we're past Berwick.

However if the train is busy I wouldn't dream of using up a seat for my bag. If I have placed a bag on a seat I am ready to move it at each stop if needed before I'm asked.

If the train is busy I will ask you or anyone else , male or female, to move their bag.

I noticed once travelling on a holiday shuttle bus back that young men who were in a group didn't want to sit next to each other, so they all took a single seat rather than share, which meant that I was unable to sit next to my DD, who wasn't very young, maybe about 11, but would still have preferred to sit next to me, as there were only single seats left. The remaining seats filled up as the bus stopped in different places, but none of the men offered to move to sit next to each other so that families / couples could share, it seemed they'd rather sit with strangers. I don't know whether men in general don't like to sit together or whether there was something about those particular young men. I generally would rather sit next to a woman too, due to past abuse I find it very difficult to be in close proximity to men I don't already feel comfortable with.

Why is anyone asking you to move when there are empty seats? Why do they want your seat? I'd say no to anyone who asked for my seat when there were empty seats left

I don't understand this. Nobody really wants to sit beside anyone so not sure why you are being asked to move your bag if there are empty seats.

I would ask a woman over a man because you're less likely to get a nasty response

I don't care either way. I just avoid drunks and anyone with babies and small children.

So far as "is this seat taken?" whilst glaring at a bag, it's my experience men are more likely to say , "no" and even "sorry" and move it whilst a small number of women will do a faffing around and sighing routine at the inconvenience.

Tbh if the only seat available is between sitting next to a man or a woman I would always choose the seat next to a woman.

Ok will experiment with the aisle block manoeuvre and see if that makes a difference

You do know that everyone who has bought a ticket has as much right to a seat as you? Why are you talking as if people wanting to use an empty (of person) seat are in the wrong and need to be stopped from doing so.

I hate it when men sit on aisle seats and talk across the aisle to each other rather than sit next to each other in case it gives them teh Gay.

And anybody at all who so much as makes eye contact on the train when I haven’t had my bloody breakfast and at least three cups of coffee.

There's nothing wrong with having your bag on the seat if there are loads of empty seats.

If I have to sit next to someone I'll pick the skinniest. And women rarely "manspread" so it's less hassle sitting next to one, unfortunately - for women.

Men can be unpleasant to sit next to (bigger, man spreading, louder, more likely to listen to abnoxious music, smelly and so on).

OP I’ve noticed this pattern too. And those of you fixating on the bag on the seat - you’re not quite getting the point.

What I notice is that if there are vacant seats next to men and vacant seats next to women - both just as likely to have put their bags on the seat btw - people will ask the women first.
Often there will be people standing, and a man - often on the aisle seat and his bag in the window seat - but because he’s a man looking at his laptop or phone or with headphones in, he’ll be undisturbed.

It’s often a very passive-aggressive approach towards the woman as well - as you see in the first response to your question.

But yes, I have noticed this pattern of behaviour many times.

Don't move if you don't want to move (yourself, not your bag) - I cheesed off someone when I was in the aisle seat at a table once, and when they indicated to get in, I got up and let them go through to the window seat, then resumed my place on the aisle seat.

I confess that I, too would prefer to sit next to a woman than a man, unless I felt like making some kind of point for some kind of reason and it overrode my self-preservation.