What the actually fucking fuck?

[ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-47934685

"I only wanted to pretend to shoot her and her new partner - it was an accident."

What the actual fuck is wrong with men? Why? Every day it's another horrific story like this.

Isn’t it simply that while not all men are violent, violent individuals are usually men. And why is this? Why are they not stopped before they kill when there are often
Warning signs.

"The law isn't designed for women and children. It was designed to protect men's rights to their private lives, which meant control over 'their' resources including women and children, and continues to do so"

Yes, exactly. We have a criminal justice system that has evolved over a thousand years. But for more than nine hundred of those years, it viewed women - and children - as the property of men.

It is completely inadequate in prosecuting intimate/family crime for this reason. And we shouldn't have to wait another nine hundred years for it to catch up. Progress isn't just slow - we're even going backwards in some regards.

Bringing a loaded gun is NO ACCIDENT.

It was a crossbow rather than a gun. Probably even more terrifying tbf.

My son's only 2 Prawnofthepatriarchy. The sweetest most gentle loving child on this earth. It breaks my heart to think of him growing up to internalise these messages about violence.

I think parenting can provide at least some measure of protection. My parents raised two loving, gentle husbands and fathers. I've done my best - mine are early 20s. Time will tell.

But there's definitely hope. DS2's girlfriend ended it last week, after 7 years. He texted his friends with the news, asking for support. His mates all started arranging stuff - he's out all the time, though not in the pub. He's steering clear of alcohol. It was supper and Game of Thrones tonight.

I was impressed. I can't imagine a young man doing that when I was young. If men start to be open about their feelings, expose their vulnerability, this has got to help.

That article is an excellent example of where reasons / excuses given by (almost always) men in defence are given probably more airtime than they should get, and esp when the victim (usually a woman) is dead and cannot put her side.

I'm not saying defence shouldn't be reported and this isn't the worst example by far, but still. There seems to be a human desire to rationalise this sort of thing and make it caused by something the victim did. Rather than with other crimes where I think the defence excuses are given less airtime or are reported with more scepticism.

I believe there's an evolutionary biological hard wiring that men are far, far more likely to possess. Apparently rates for murders by men drop off sharply after 40 with the falling levels of testosterone.

I also have seen lovely, gentle men flip very quickly into "defend" mode with, as a pp said, the right provocation. It's quite startling to see how quickly they can go on "alert".

Of course some men are violent, but not the entire male race. That would be grossly generalising and unfair

Tigers aren't evil, OK this story is about a Tiger who did kill but we should still refer to Tigers as stripey Bagpuss hugmuffins within the comments on this article to avoid generalisation of Tigers who aren't involved in this article at all.

Why does someone always feel they need to paint women as stupid for not realising that non violent men aren't violent men as if only their woke selves can spot that?
It's embarrassing

Now the headline on BBC England

"Ex-wife crossbow killing 'was accident'".

Waiting for all the quotes about what a great guy he was to roll in. Totes an accident. I mean, who hasn't gone to threaten their pregnant ex with a cross bow at some point? Of course the safety was bound to get left off once or twice! Reckon he'll get custody of the kids? He was only over there out of concern for his daughter after all. Remember everyone, just because you're a murderer, doesn't mean you can't also be a great dad.

Another woman's death at the hand of a man. Another cry of NAMALT. Where does it end? When do we rise up and say enough? How many cases have gone unreported today? We scream and shout when there is a terrorist attack or a stabbing, they get headlines. But the murder of a woman at the hands of her husband, or someone who raped her in a "sex game gone wrong", let's make excuses for them, give them a reason for their crime. I'm fucking sick of this shit.

#NotallMurderersAreLikeThat

Oh that poor woman, RIP Sana

We do have a problem with Male violence and anyone that sees that written and immediately feels the need to NAMALT is part of the problem.

Forget NAMALT. There is a dangerous subset of men. What do we do about dangerous subsets of individuals? How do we root them out? Can we pre-emptively arrest, interrogate, detain them?

And many of you will have husbands, partners, sons and fathers. How do they react when you pose them these difficult questions? Are they too complicit by silence or evasion or deflection? What actions can they take?

Just to get it out there- arranged marriage is completely different to forced marriage. You may not agree with either- but they are different things.

Moving on. Of course NAMALT. But count the men who are speaking out against male violence. Won’t take you long- you’ll only need the fingers of one hand.

Count the men who are challenging the culture of male violence in gaming, entertainment and sport. Count the male opinion formers who are taking this as an issue. Count the male journalists who are placing the blame for the death of women where it belongs. Count the fathers who are talking to their sons about consent, and male entitlement, and emotional intelligence.

That Gillette advertisement? Sank without trace.

Those are good points, Bertrand.

Luke and Ryan Hart get a lot of criticism from men for speaking out about male violence, particularly when they talk about domestic violence that women suffer at the hands of men. They get a lot of "why aren't you talking about women's violence perpetrated on men?".

Only 21% of their followers on Twitter are men. And Twitter is man-heavy. Looks like a lot of men don't see it as a serious issue that deserves their own attention.

Patrick Stewart the actor has been speaking out about male violence recently.

Robert Webb has spoken out about it too.
Lots of men speak out about it on twitter and facebook and such.
But it's easy to say men say nothing.

The Harts, Robert Webb and Patrick Stewart were the ones I was counting on my 1 hand. How deeply depressing is that?

“Lots of men speak out about it on twitter and facebook and such.”

Do they? Absolutely fantastic. Anyone I might know?

Do they? Absolutely fantastic. Anyone I might know?

Why would you need to know them?
They are ordinary men speaking up about these things.
OK, they don't make a huge difference because they are just ordinary men.
But that's a far cry from "men say nothing".

“But that's a far cry from "men say nothing".”

Is it?

Of course some men are violent, but not the entire male race.

How insightful of you.

You know, that had simply never occurred to me.

Do you have a foolproof way of telling the good ones from the bad?

Do share.

And you know what? If I was part of a class that committed over 95% of violent crime, i’d Certainly be looking to see how I was colluding the culture that was making it happen. And thinking, privately and publicly about what I could do to change things for the next generation.

Michael Conroy.

twitter.com/MichaelConroy68