Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

[Somerville1234]

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report.
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality.

Oooh @Somerville, you’ve invoked the wrath of Dr Harrop in Twitter 😜

Oooh @Somerville, you’ve invoked the wrath of Dr Harrop in Twitter

Hit a nerve them. Usually shows you've got something bang on though.

He's dreadfully transphobic.

So Harrop doesn't believe in people being gender free.

How very transphobic. Literal violence!

How does he know for sure though?

R McKinnon isn’t happy either.

So Harrop doesn't believe in people being gender free.

Why would he? The existence of 'gender' suits many men very well.

Oh no, can someone screenshot Dr R's disappointment? I'm blocked listed by Dr R but not Dr A.

Does anyone have screenshots of Harrop or McKinnon’s tweets for those of us who are blocked?

Reading this thread has made me realise why I've been so determined to breastfeed all my DC for as long as possible. I told people it's because it's what's best for the baby but that's only really part of it. I really hate the sensation & the whole concept of a small person sucking fluid from my body makes me feel a bit queasy but it's the first time in my life that I feel like I'm woman-ing right.

I've never particularly enjoyed dresses except for one I had when I was about 9 which was uncomfortable but fanned out in a most satisfying way when I twirled & I hate all things pink, sparkly, frilly & cutesy. I've never been interested in make-up or styling my hair... But I couldn't care less about football or beer & I don't enjoy anything that involves getting dirty. I really don't fit into any stereotypes, but I can be a mother & I can breastfeed, although it's been a struggle with posterior tongue ties that many people insisted didn't exist. Women do the breastfeeding if they choose to, no judgement! & women give birth ditto & I can perform the stereotype of a SAHM, publicly anyway - only DH knows the truth about my failings as a housewife.

My entire identity & feelings of being a woman are currently anchored in performing the SAHM stereotype. I was lost before & I'm scared for who I'll be when my DC are all grown up because I don't fit into any other stereotype & I struggle with knowing where I fit in the world without that. I'm gender free because I don't really fit with any gender-based stereotype, except for the mothering thing but that's only temporary. It can't define me forever & I frequently find it frustrating that I allow it to define me now! I'm not a woman because I'm a mother, I'm a woman because I'm female.

I'm so angry on your behalf Somerville and for all of us other women who are describing our own personal experience.

(Am also in awe of your calm responses on twitter).

50% of the time I'm amused by the followers of gender ideology twisting themselves in knots trying to tell you why you don't get to define yourself, whilst they do, and telling you who you are.

And the other 50% of the time? I'm furious. That people who have been have ostensibly been banging the drum for 'breaking down stereotypes' and the validity of non-binary etc. Are suddenly passionate and strident to deny women's lived expeience of having gender stereotypes imposed on them. To deny women's lived experience of knowing their biological sex, but who have experienced gender roles and expectations imposed on them throughout their lives.

'Bad faith' Harrop? 'Bad faith'?

No, this is reality for many women.

Your ideology, your rules, your domination tries to keep us in our 'gender boxes' so your friends have something to identify into. (Because if we acknowledge sex is just that, sex, and anything else is societal expectations, that's a bit shit if you're a Steph wanting to be acknowledged as a woman, isn't it, rather than just a Steph acknowledging they like performing the stereotypes that are attached to the word 'woman' in this society?)

Somerville has found a small window to escape the 'gender box' you wish us to remain within. And you hate it. With a passion. And you're demonstrating your hate right now. It's remarkable.

Looking back I think I have always been genderfree. However growing up in the 1960s it was easier to be genderfree. I didn’t wear pink - my brother and I shared green and brown clothes. I didn’t have to play with pink Lego as I shared my brother’s toys. We played with wooden garages, cars, trainsets etc and rode our bikes all day. I didn’t want to study typing at school but wasn’t allowed to study woodwork because my sex was a girl. But at o levels and a levels I chose physics. I’ve never been one to wear sparkly dresses or make up. Although now in my 50s I like wearing a dress occasionally. My mum brought me up to reject gender stereotypes although she didn’t know that word in the 60s.

Here.

McKinnon's tweet!

What rights does McK think McK gets by identifying as a woman? Hmmm let me see - won any Women's Championships recently Rach??

That noise you heard was the universe imploding in a giant puff of irony.

That post from RM is perfect. So much unconscious irony.

The endgame is LIBERATION. It always has been.

There are screenshots of Harrop's 'bad faith' tweet earlier in this thread. There's been a lot of spluttering in response.

Yet again reminds me that most of these people have absolutely zero clue of what life is like for the majority of women.

'Binaristic sex reductive categories' my arse. That's what most women get trapped in you fool. That they're trying to fight their way out of.

And categories that (to RMK specifically) you're trying to solidify and make even more rigid, to enable you to selfishly get to move from one to another.

The existence of 'gender' suits

Gender suits: The suit that can be fashioned in the style of your choice.

Birthday suits: The suit of the biological style that cannot be altered.

It's interesting that there seem to be some twitter responses saying they think some of us are non binary or agender but we we're in denial. Well no, we aren't in denial. We know full well we don't belong anywhere near the ends of Mermaids spectrum. We never did.
So how do the woke folk know whether we're genuine or not? How can they judge my feelings? How are they not being bigots themselves?
We learned to live without meeting the expectations of society. We did that without surgery and dangerous medicine.

Here's a conundrum for the wokesters - if we shouldn't fear male predators in women's spaces because no one would claim a label under the trans umbrella who wasn't in fact under the trans umbrella, then how can you possibly say we are not in earnest about being Genderfree?

It literally never happens.

I never wanted to be a boy, or felt any particular affinity for 'boys things', but I always felt that I didn't understand the 'rules' for girls. I was too loud, too clumsy, too clever and not prepared to hide it, not pretty, not dainty or fussy or finicky. Not bothered by ragged nails or split ends. Spoke up in class when I shouldn't, didn't understand how others were feeling.

I realise now of course that all the other girls were probably floundering in the sea of gender based expectation just as badly as I was, I just wasn't sensitive enough to pick up their turmoil (another way of failing at femininity).

So yes, while my life has not been gender free - sexist discrimination and stereotypes have always affected me of course, inside I am gender free hence my bafflement at the expectations of me.

surely my experience of being gender free is as valid as the lived experience of others?

Post of the Day to wrathofVitriolKlop 😂

We should absolutely put together our own Tumblr glossary of Terms 😜

Thanks for the screen shots!

Why thank you CaveMum

(Although I found gender suits hiding in one of Errol's posts)

I feel exposed on this thread but I could really do with some sisterly chat, if anyone can bear it. Started a thread in the other place.