Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

[Somerville1234]

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report.
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality.

As someone who lost an ovary to a gigantic cyst, I find it triggering too.

placemats I am so sorry. That must have been unimaginably excruciating. The only pain I've ever had come close to that of fast, unmedicated childbirth was when I had a large ovarian cyst swell and burst. A & E triage of course rolled eyes and told me not to exaggerate when I found I simply couldn't sit on a chair and instead lay quietly on the waiting room floor in between bouts of vomiting...

Anyway I am very late to this party but wanted to add my congratulations to Somerville. The genderists are in fits about this but they don't seem to understand it at all. They think you are making fun of their identities. I want to tell them, it's not about you. You are asserting, in a quite straightforward way, your own identity. Apostasy to the genderist religion is not yet outlawed, though if Canada and certain police forces have their way, it will be.

Kink isn't necessarily to do with sex. I know someone who is asexual and into kink. She does various activities (using rope to make patterns or elevate people, wax from candles drawing beautiful wax paintings on people). It can involve all kinds of things outside of sex.

You genuinely know people who are in fear of their jobs if they cannot be open about enjoying what sounds like macrame or body painting?

I mean, as has been repeatedly said, people can do as they please in probate,but what does it have to do with a work award or needing recognition? I don't really want to derail, and we've already had a weird K interlude on the thread already, but I just don't see how K is oppressed in any meaningful sense of the word.

Coming out as gay Can result in the following:

"Mum & Dad - I'm gay."
"Get out of my house, you disgusting excuse for a man (or woman), I never want to see you again. You're dead to me."

Coming out as non-binary

"Mum & Dad - I'm non-binary"
"What's that mean, love?"
"Well, it means I don't conform to gender stereotypes, so I've cut my hair and will never wear skirts or dresses again."
"That's nice, dear - I do like your hair, where did you have it cut?"

Probate obviously was meant to be private

Being gay at work can mean:

Never being able to mention your partner's name and living in fear of being asked about your partner, because some people are still homophobic; if you're a teacher, for example, your gayness being leaked to the kids and/or their parents can result in you suffering abuse, etc. This is why being gay needs the protection of HR policies, etc.

Being kinky at work can mean:

Nothing, because you really shouldn't be sharing details of your sex life except with your very closest friends and only if they seem genuinely to want to know.

Brilliant. I am totes agender but of the female sex.
So glad that I can join the rainbow too, before I was just a boring straight middle aged woman lolz.

Somerville you are a genius 🌟

Exactly. You can't condemn non-believers for converting!

Imagine a church that was desperate to recruit your kids & went into all the schools but who wouldn't let the parents join. Even though it was run by other adults the same age as the parents.

I might investigate whether I can be kink identifying at work. Then I could go into work dressed like Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary (pictured) and say that because of my kink I can no longer do the photocopying. Or much typing. Or much of anything really.

Who says you have to do anything in work to identify as kink? Where has anyone said you have to do anything other than just identify as?

Yes, I'm going to identify as kink. My kink is mostly sitting on the couch with a bag of maltesers watching TV and occasionally thinking back wistfully to my younger days when I was able to pull and had lots of lovely vanilla sex.

Seems as good a kink as any.

I'm going to identify at work as WHO, because it is extremely important that my identity as a very big Doctor Who fan is acknowledged. My lifestyle includes various conventions, viewing marathons and serious cosplay. I don't intend to do anything specifically related to it at work, but I really need it acknowledged, as for years being a Whovian was a source of shame and mockery.

Who says you have to do anything in work to identify as kink? Where has anyone said you have to do anything other than just identify as?

Because it's of no relevance unless knowledge of it can lead to discrimination.

They might just as well have 'identities' relating to other hobbies and interests, such as stamp collecting, in their policies.

I think stamp collecting can legitimately be described as a kink tbh

I still can't work out how come they're so outraged that mumsnetters can claim trans status but they never gave a toss when predators and fetishists could? Can anyone explain it to me?

Because they’ve no interest in middle aged housewives identifying into trans. Now if you were a young, fresh faced woman or a middle aged man, you’d be welcomed with open arms.

Somerville it’s nice to see you again and well done!

I’ve been having some fascinating conversations on that subject. Those who listen for long enough to realise I sincerely reject gender and it’s not a stunt are then most befuddled.

Haven’t ‘seen’ you in ages, Hearts. Hope you’re good.

BixBeiderbecke That’s a great idea, I may now identify as K as long as I can have prime James Spader as my boss

Somerville You’ve ignited a fire here, one that will burn many in different ways, some good, some not so good. I salute you

You genuinely know people who are in fear of their jobs if they cannot be open about enjoying what sounds like macrame or body painting?

She means that it's sadomasochistic but she doesn't think it's about sex. I disagree. Pouring hot wax on people is sadism, and suspending them is domination. She just doesn't like sexual intercourse. BDSM is a sexual fetish, so maybe she's not as "asexual" as she thinks she is.

Easy peasy. We are, in their minds, boring, vanilla mumsie normals. Trans has cache because it confers special status. We are, essentially, lowering their stock value, and they're pissed about it

Absolutely this

This is brilliant! 😂

She means that it's sadomasochistic but she doesn't think it's about sex. I disagree. Pouring hot wax on people is sadism, and suspending them is domination. She just doesn't like sexual intercourse. BDSM is a sexual fetish, so maybe she's not as "asexual" as she thinks she is.

Oh crikey. I think I missed the suspending people bit when I read about the patterns in rope. Why would anyone need that particular hobby recognized at work? Unless you were in a Circus Union or something.

Somerville - can I just say - your Twatter is AMAZING!

Lang can you link please