Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

[Somerville1234]

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report.
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality.

The woman on the phone sounded a bit shocked and asked if I could send her my requests via email.

I bet she did. And absolutely calling you cis is misgendering you. As is calling you a sister, not a cister. Since you subscribe to neither.

Excellent ova!

*placemats" would it be transphobic harrassment?

In fact don't be surprised if you find the words cis very triggering suddenly. I know I would. Implying the binary of trans/cis. Very oppressive.

Have been away for a few days so have missed a lot of the fun that I know was going on here.

Just out of interest - how does anyone know the difference between non-binary and genderfree? They both sound identical to me.

Ova. 💪🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Agender and genderfree are the same

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer

An agender person ('a-' meaning "without"), also called genderless, genderfree, non-gendered, or ungendered,[18][19] is someone who identifies as having no gender or being without a gender identity.

gender.wikia.com/wiki/Agender

Agender

Agender is a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity. People who identify as agender may describe themselves as one or more of the following:

Genderless or lacking gender.
Gender neutral. This may be meant in the sense of being neither man or woman yet still having a gender.
Neutrois or neutrally gendered.
Having an unknown or undefinable gender; not aligning with any binary or non-binary gender.
Having no other words that fit their gender identity.
Not knowing or not caring about gender, as an internal identity and/or as an external label.
Deciding not to label their gender.
Identifying more as a person than any gender at all.
Many agender people also identify as genderqueer, non-binary and/or transgender. However, some agender people prefer to avoid these terms, especially transgender, as they feel this implies identifying as a gender other than their assigned gender, while they in fact do not identify as any gender at all. In fact, the term agender is considered an oxymoron among many. Since it is a lack of gender, some feel that it should not be labeled as a gender at all.

This needs to archived, so we can all come back and read it any time we need cheering up.

After all being mislabelled as cis will be very triggering.

As someone who's had issues with cysts I find all the talk of cistering extremely distressing and triggering. So that one can be ripped out of the dictionary too please.

Along with calling everyone sisters and allies and carrying on like a 1970s trade union gone mad. (der?)

Classics maybe?

• As someone who's had issues with cysts I find all the talk of cistering extremely distressing and triggering. So that one can be ripped out of the dictionary too please.

Yup. Also, the second definition of 'Cister' in the urban dictionary (apologies but it's not in real ones) is:
'A male that was born with male anatomyy and identifies as male and seess females as equall_ and different.
It was great to see so many cisters marchingg in the women's march, such solidarityy is refreshingg_.'

A cist, of course, is 'an ancient coffin or burial chamber made from stone or a hollowed tree.'. Maybe a 'cister' is also a specialist archaeologist?

A cist, of course, is 'an ancient coffin or burial chamber made from stone or a hollowed tree.'. Maybe a 'cister' is also a specialist archaeologist?

Ooh now that's much more interesting way to cist. I shall immediately don a white nightdress and drift around the woods singing vague bits of Enya and wafting sage. That's something I can get behind, it's far more sensible.

Since I'm now also stuck with this as an earworm - and thinking sheesh that's apt, there's nothing new in the world is there? I'll just leave this here.

As someone who lost an ovary to a gigantic cyst, I find it triggering too.

Some very unhappy trans activists on twitter right now. Having created a system that allows anyone, including cross-dressers, fetishists, autogynophiles and sexual predators to qualify as transgender, they're now screaming blue murder that mumsnetters are able to too.

I still can't work out how come they're so outraged that mumsnetters can claim trans status but they never gave a toss when predators and fetishists could? Can anyone explain it to me?

Because unless women stay in the provided box of stereotypes, limitations, restrictions and subordinate status, there is nothing to identify out of or into.

I still can't work out how come they're so outraged that mumsnetters can claim trans status but they never gave a toss when predators and fetishists could? Can anyone explain it to me?

Easy peasy. We are, in their minds, boring, vanilla mumsie normals. Trans has cache because it confers special status. We are, essentially, lowering their stock value, and they're pissed about it.

And frankly they are working flat out to create a society where you would have to be out of your freaking mind to be a biological female without finding any possible escape from it you could.

I still can't work out how come they're so outraged that mumsnetters can claim trans status but they never gave a toss when predators and fetishists could? Can anyone explain it to me?

I dont get it

Papers and blogs and magazines are full of people who knew they didnt fit in the man box for example but were unable to pin it down til they were in their 40's and 50's and 60's and now are in the woman box

So how come I can't say i dont like my box as well?

I don't like the box they keep trying to jam me into, i don't want a box at all

I still can't work out how come they're so outraged that mumsnetters can claim trans status but they never gave a toss when predators and fetishists could? Can anyone explain it to me?

Excellent point. And one, I feel, is entirely self-explanatory!

And by what ewe posted a minute ago under the rules these people are trying to enforce i am definitely agender

Ds2 says he is gender neutral, up til now he has been doing it to wind me up

But actually i think im gonna join him

If someone wants me to say I'm something i don't believe in our brave new world..then agender it is

Exactly. You can't condemn non-believers for converting!

If everyone is trans, then in effect, there is no need for any special recognition or provision for trans people.

It’ll just be another descriptor like “human”.

Biological sex will still exist though

Easy peasy. We are, in their minds, boring, vanilla mumsie normals. Trans has cache because it confers special status. We are, essentially, lowering their stock value, and they're pissed about it

Excellent !

Brilliant work, OP

You've inspired me to declare myself Genderfree (but of the female sex) on an online chat discussion about gender that all my colleagues can see. I have never had an inner sense of gender and am so pleased to be living my authentic life, albeit as I always have done as far as I'm concerned. I now having the words to describe it thanks to you

I think what you've done is brilliant. Noticed a lot of questions throughout the thread asking what kink is and people being annoyed that no one has answered. I'm not an authority on this by any means but I'll try to answer.

Kink isn't necessarily to do with sex. I know someone who is asexual and into kink. She does various activities (using rope to make patterns or elevate people, wax from candles drawing beautiful wax paintings on people). It can involve all kinds of things outside of sex.

I also know a lot of people who live in fear of losing their jobs due to participating in kink-related activities or lifestyle - most of those people are fairly high up in their line of work or in a job involving duties of care/responsibilities.

There are also cases of people who have been prosecuted for consensual sexual activities.

It's a complex minefield - at what point does someone's freedom to give consent become overruled by English law? Can someone consent to anything? I am not so sure.

I'm not sure whether it should be included under the LGB umbrella as to me, it's become so broad as to be almost meaningless. Pride was gay pride... that was the point, to overcome the hurdles so many had faced. Horrible, horrible hurdles, some of which still exist today. Yes, kinky people may face discrimination, but you could also add a whole host of people to that who do not come under the LGB umbrella.

Anyway, Somerville, I applaud what you've done. :)