Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

[Somerville1234]

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report.
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality.

I think we should choose a Gender Free flag.

How about a transparent one?

Can't find a convenient emoji for it, though. And how else will people know we have a genderfree identity??

I might use this one: 🆓

Any thoughts how you will be carrying this transition forwards? Or do you plan to quietly fall back into your familiar old self and become a desister?

That quiz just upthread took just two questions to declare me agender.

according to wiki:
'An agender person ('a-' meaning "without"), also called genderless, genderfree, non-gendered, or ungendered,[18][19] is someone who identifies as having no gender or being without a gender identity'

Sounds about right. So should my company ever have such an award I'd be eligible.

Well, I've done the quiz and I'm non-binary. Fairly easy when you're offended by being called a girl.

AliceToo is missing the point, I suspect deliberately. The facts are very simple:

• criteria has been set to apply for an opportunity
• the criteria are very widely drawn and upon examination Somerville has determined that she already fits under one of the categories
• I and I suspect many other posters on this thread would also be able to determine they they already fitted under a category
• thus there is no “transition” for Somerville, or me, to go through. Or becoming a “desister”

Clear enough?

I too am genderfree - how freeing!

Another genderfree biological female here!

Good luck, Somerville, I hope you win!

Work life is difficult for biologically female people, and it's made even harder by having a feminine gender identity imposed on you violently and coercively, when that's not how you feel on the inside.

Solidarity.

I hope you win

Thanks for the concerns for my privacy - genuinely appreciate it. I’m more careful than I may seem about identifying details on here. But we made our peace with slim chance that this goes public before I decided to go for it. I have nothing to be ashamed of since I’m not doing anything wrong - I’m a genderfree individual applying for an opportunity/award under the genderfree category. And no, it’s definitely not a stunt.

The fact that, in the process, I’ve had my work records updated to remove my gender and highlight my biological sex, is a bonus. Alongside the opportunity to open young HR staff minds to being identified purely by sex, it means I’ve won something already.

(Dunnett was the best novelist ever. Start with Game of Kings if it appeals. I don’t know her stance on feminism but she wrote fully rounded female (and male) characters which is oddly rare in historical fiction.)

Isn't the Stonewall slogan still "Acceptance without exception"? Checkwoke.

I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex.

Oh Good GOD(dess) - it is unbelievably ridiculous that this was a conversation you had to have, but well done. Especially for (presumably) managing to keep your eye rolling subtle and to a minimum.

They were happy with this novel idea smile and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

Good GODDESS AGAIN!

What kind of training are they doing, or critical thinking has been applied if they don't even know the difference between sex and gender, yet are spouting all this LGBTQA++++ nonsense?!

Well done Somerville. Having been lurking since I found Mumsnet Feminist chat following the sports issues raised by Sharron Davies et al I am delighted that there are so many sensible, intelligent and articulate people still around. I never understood the 'feels like a woman' issue, I am a woman (as my bad back at the moment will attest) but I have always just felt like me, and don't think that would be any different if I happened to be a man. You lot have both enlightened (and frightened) me at how this c*s etc issue etc could be a huge problem for women if not nipped in the bud. I salute you!
PS I thought I was genderfree but the quiz says Im gender wierd!

Inspired by this thread I have just emailed our HR team and asked for my personal details to be amended to remove female from the box labelled gender as I am genderfree. Have said I am happy to have female in a biological sex box though.
I am not in a workplace where this is likely to give me advantage / disadvantage but just wanted to share the genderfree 💖

I wonder what they will do with this new info?

Without any silliness or sarcasm this thread has made me think about my gender and how I present.

Sometimes I wear jeans and a T-shirt and sometimes I wear dresses and heels. I feel different depending on which I wear.

Can I tick a box?

Also, I am old enough to remember when there was a large court case about a lesbian who worked for British Rail complaining that her girlfriend wasn’t entitled to the same discounts as a heterosexual partner would be.
That is one of the reasons why it is important to recognise same sex relationship at work.
How you chose to enjoy sex with your partner makes fuck all difference and is not even vaguely the same thing.

I much prefer the sound of 'Genderfree' to 'Agender'. It sounds like you've succeeded in throwing off the shackles of gender in a brave, stunning way. I think I'm going to update my info with HR as well!

If everyone becomes genderfree, surely they are going to have to find some way to identify those who lack true equity due to biology, maternity, breastfeeding, health issues affecting 'uterus havers' and 'prostate havers' etc? Maybe they could drill down to some kind of secondary characteristic after looking at gender/lack thereof... Sex, maybe? Just a thought

It's going to mess up data for the gender pay gap if chunks of the workforce are excluded.

Maybe they'll have to rename it (correctly) as the sex pay gap.

Inspired by this thread I have just emailed our HR team and asked for my personal details to be amended to remove female from the box labelled gender as I am genderfree. Have said I am happy to have female in a biological sex box though.

That comes across superficially as being ever so progressive/woke (big tick with the diversity team), but is oh-so-subtlety passively aggressive GC. Brilliant.

I'm at why on earth anyone would wish to identify as 'K' for Kink in their workplace? Or why an organisation would wish to know which employees lead 'kink' (urgh) lifestyles? Surely that is unnecessary and disproportionate usage of data under GDPR?

I realised as soon as I'd thought about it at all that I have always winced inwardly at being called any of Miss, Ms, Mrs, wife or girl. OK-ish with 'woman' though it tends to suggest something that doesn't match my idea of me.

I don't know if that's what you'd call internalized misogyny or what t'other lot would call a genuine problem with my gender.

Fortunately, I was born waaaaaay too early for anyone to care about my inner ID; and I have a handily neutral name and doctorate, so can identify as annoyingly nerdy instead.

transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/154998860085/kii-says-hey-guys-i-found-this-list-that-is

There's something in here for all of us.

SPLENDID!

I am loving the gender-free.

It felt like I went through menopause in about six months flat. Six months of sheer hell. No sleep, hot flushes, wirey hair that thinned rapidly, compensated for by spikey black hairs on my chin. At a time when I was looking after both children and parents.

(Its where my user name came from!)

There were no concessions at work, no sympathy even. Overnight I became invisible to all but the other older women in the office. Female? I didn't feel it. Male? That neither. Definitely gender free.

Can we apply to join the Pride March?

Dodo, I feel the same. Always have done, although I can't quite articulate why. I suppose it's just a constant reminder that my marital status appears to matter so much to some people that they have to know that about me before they even know my name, let alone anything else about me! And even if my marital status doesn't interest them, they can dismiss me if inclined purely due to it giving away my sex.

Yep Pride March

What you are doing is fantastic Somerville 👏🏻