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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

999 replies

Somerville1234 · 03/04/2019 02:02

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea Smile and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report. Smile
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality. Smile

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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sandpitsausage · 03/04/2019 20:36

As PP said - stunning and brave.
Also glad that HR / your boss is giving more attention to your gender identity (or lack thereof) than they did to your biological sex and resulting need to express milk to feed your offspring. Coooool.

limitedperiodonly · 03/04/2019 20:44

I can't work out whether I want to be Genderfree or Genderqueer. Both apply. While I'm deciding, I'll be Genderfluid.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 03/04/2019 20:45

I remember your original thread about this! Stunning and brave.

Original poster
Somerville1234 · 03/04/2019 20:46

I've just reanimated my twitter. I'm loving watching #genderfree in the wild.

Em Yikes, I hadn't heard that nickname for a long time! (How are you?)

Apocolypse I didn't take the piss out of people who are into K. I was light hearted throughout my OP, and I was telling the truth that I'm mystified by what it is. People get turned on by all sorts of different things; what is it about some people's turn-ons that they are called K and become a special category?

At my request for the definitions my company was using of the different categories, they supplied a few sentences for every other letter. But for k is was just "k - kink lifestyle".

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 03/04/2019 20:51

Try the politician who was in to kink, who kept it private, who was blackmailed and threatened with exposure in the press and resigned.

Try the folks who Had their career threatened.

For stuff they did in clubs, at public events that met all the terms of their licences.

The person who committed suicide because they were so ashamed and worried about being outed to their family.

Totes hilaire.

Honestly, the gender stuff, I get it, but making fun of kink is not cool. It’s not weeing and whips. Just as lesbian identity isn’t some short haired women dressing in trousers, and being a gay man isn’t about wearing make up and pink shirts. And it is belittling and othering to do this type of thing and reduces the impact of what you’re doing.

Bankofenglandfiver · 03/04/2019 20:52

“Weeing and whips” Somerville and that’s not mocking? As if.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2019 20:55

Are those not part of some people's kink lifestyle?

Fazackerley · 03/04/2019 20:56

What is kink?

beagadorsrock · 03/04/2019 20:57

Well done Somerville Grin

ApocalypseLaterOn · 03/04/2019 20:57

AssasinatedBeauty - yes. Same as some lesbians have short hair and wear doc Martens. Doesn't mean we should laugh about that either.

FermatsTheorem · 03/04/2019 20:58

Loving Linehan's twitter thread, Somerville. (And Linehan's followers love you! Glad to see "checkwoke" seems to be entering the lexicon).

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/04/2019 20:58

Aren't most gender critical feminists on here inspired by radical/materialist feminism which looked at unequal power relations as problematic reinforcements of patriarchy?
'It's not about condemnation' by Audre Lorde sums up how I feel about it.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 03/04/2019 20:59

Oh this is wonderful! Well done my love, well done.

Ereshkigal · 03/04/2019 20:59

Bank

I'm not sure what part of the other 1k post thread where lots of people said they had issues with elements of BDSM made you think people were suddenly going to start speaking about BDSM and other sexual fetishism in hushed respectful terms?

CallMeWoman · 03/04/2019 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2019 21:00

That's an unfair representation. There's clearly total bemusement/puzzlement at some people's sexual turn ons being something that entitles them to apply for an award at work.

Ereshkigal · 03/04/2019 21:01

Exactly. "Kink" is definitely considered to include "adult baby diaper lovers"

Bankofenglandfiver · 03/04/2019 21:02

I’m not looking for it to be spoken of in hushed terms.

I’m looking for it not to be mocked.

Fazackerley · 03/04/2019 21:02

I think actually feteing people for being into kinky sex is completely and utterly wrong. It would make me feel hugely uncomfortable at work. I am not going to accept it just to be 'nice'

Bankofenglandfiver · 03/04/2019 21:02

kink is not grooming children.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/04/2019 21:02

I mean...
I have a problem with gender as articulated by Sheila Jeffreys in Beauty and Misogyny.

It's a system where women are different and deferent to men, performing femininity in order to compliment and complement men.

Or in modern terms, inspired by r connell, hegemonic masculinity and compliant femininity are part of a system that ensures women are subordinate.

I would see bdsm as part of that same system.
Eroticising power differentials seems like gender by any other name to me.

I'm fully aware of the sex wars and debates within lesbian and gay communities around this.

I will always fall on the side of radical feminism because it has the articulation of oppression and liberation that rings true for me.

CallMeWoman · 03/04/2019 21:03

I'll bloody well mock and shame adult diaper wearers who do so for sexual kicks. It's disgusting and reprehensible.

Bankofenglandfiver · 03/04/2019 21:04

I’m a Domme. I don’t buy into women as subordinate.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 03/04/2019 21:06

'Eroticising power differential'

CallMeWoman · 03/04/2019 21:07

kink is not grooming children.

Except for furries conferences with under 18s present. Oh, and the pairing of underage kids together in different "species" pairings and getting them to draw what their "offspring" might look like. That. Is. Grooming.

You are either hopelessly naïve or purposefully ignorant and either way I will engage with you no further.