Period talk event...men invited and I feel weird about that

[MinesaBottle]

I’m going to an IWD event at work this week, it’s about periods (period poverty, sustainable sanpro, menopause, dealing with periods at work and other topics). I’ve just found out that it’s also open to men...now I’m not sure I want to go as I don’t feel very comfortable talking about some aspects of periods with men, particularly ones I don’t know very well!

I get that they’re trying to be inclusive but surely there could be another way of informing men about period issues? I guess I’m also concerned that any men who attend will do the usual thing of taking over the discussion, making it about them etc. I’d still like to attend but I’m also nervous that if I object I’ll be piled on to, there are some women who think it’s just amazing that men want to get involved in these things. There’s a guy who is writing an article about sanpro for some magazine (!) and rather than advising him that a real ally would suggest a woman write it, some women are fawning over how great that is.

I wish we could just have one thing to ourselves without men coming in and grandstanding, or am I being mean and pessimistic and non-inclusive?

I meant simply a comparative level of private and personal, not that it was necessarily relevant to the work place. Substitute any other bodily function that might affect your ability to perform in the workplace, if you prefer. Perhaps bowel movements for those who suffer from IBS, or the frequent need to urinate for those who have enlarged prostates, or whatever.

assassinated

Dh certainly finds that a shit can impact his working day

I'm 60 and I find this squeamishness/ oh periods are so embarassing ridiculous.
But that's just you. The fact is that SOME people find it difficult to talk about. I find some peoples' inability to consider others' feelings ridiculous so there you go...

@Rufusthebewilderedreindeer what?

Exactly what i said assassinated probably should have tempered it slightly

A lot of people stuggle with their bowels, he certainly wouldnt want to discuss why he disappeared for half an hour with female (or even male) members of staff

Ah ok,

a little education can't go wrong, plus IMO if you take the "it's women's matters, no men allowed!" attitude all that's going to happen is ignorant men will remain igorant and matters like periods will remain taboo and stigmatised

best way to de-stigmatize something is to be open about it intsead of it being all "hush hush". eg think about how taboo sex itself was in the Victorian era

AssassinatedBeauty

"If you're discussing how to cope with heavy periods and pain whilst on shift, then men need to listen to the outcome of such a discussion, surely, rather than be involved in the discussion itself. So women could be discussing it whilst may men have a different session maybe an any questions type thing. Then everyone could get back together and the men could listen to the conclusions and the general points made by the women. Then those can be discussed. Or something like that. " so true.

OP I hope you go and let us know how it goes.

Men don't need to sit and listen directly to women in the room to find out about periods. They can do, but there are plenty of other ways to find out.

Men generally do dominate conversations - there is evidence on this. And, of course, many of us have experienced it first hand.

Are you sure that the men it's aimed at are not those still menstruating?

If not, prepare for the (hopefully unlikely) situation where there is a man who wants to dominate the discussion and speak up. If ever there was a topic where you can tell them to pipe down, this is it.

I’m also concerned that any men who attend will do the usual thing of taking over the discussion, making it about them

Maybe I’m just lucky but the men I know and work with never do this in any context

I’ve got to say, IWD or not I wouldn’t want to turn up to a work-based discussion about periods. It’s all a bit Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret. And I don’t think that either men have any need to understand periods better, or that work is the appropriate environment for them to do that in, unless it directly affects them because they work in healthcare or something. Men who are genuinely concerned and interested should ask their partners, or female friends or relatives, or Google it. Men who can’t or won’t do that, I would suggest, do not have genuine motives.

So OP - how did it go?

Hope the event went well OP ?

I wouldn't have a problem with male colleagues attending this and to be honest I wouldn't be discussing my periods / menopause issues with any male OR female colleague that I didn't know well.

But I would go along and listen.

The more such events are supported the more likely they will continue. If no one attends an IWD event in the workplace then I doubt that a workplace event would be repeated.

But I would go along and listen.

Sorry that sounds a bit voyeristic

Not meant to be - I mean I would be interested to hear the organisations views bit other peoples problems.

I grew up with men around me wondering why I couldn’t “hold it in” they thought it was like peeing.. and I live with one who thought you peed from your vagina, he was genuinely baffled when I said you didn’t have to take a mooncup/tampon out to pee. Both of the men above are well educated and successful in their careers.

Sorry but there is no excuse for that. Even if school covered nothing, they could have picked up any book showing basic anatomy and seen that (as anyone with a brain would assume) women have a bladder and urethra too.

To me it's that they just never cared or were interested enough to find out basics but instead were happy to believe things in a ridiculously vague, ignorant way. Because it's women - and sure they're irrelevant and weird creatures anyway.

If they had medieval peasant knowledge of and attitudes to anything else, would it have been tolerated - would they have been unaware of it?

I'm still trying to get my head around this bizarre insanity - so he had vaginal sex with women believing that they pissed out if their vagina - and believed that she 'held it's while they were having sex? Given he presumably knew that having sex in a vagina can result in pregnancy, therefore the womb is attached to the vagina, what did he think happened during pregnancy? Holding pee for 9 months? Pee pours into vagina from some other opening separate from womb? I mean ....

In fact that's an insult to medieval peasants.

As to main topic - I imagine the organisers have thrown it open to men to be PC. I'd doubt many if any men would actually attend (unless they feel compelled to by their role).

OP I disagree. It’s good that men are invited to attend. Periods are not precious or sacres or secret. Half of the world’s population has them! It’s silly to feel embarrassed about it. We should definitely make discussions abot periods more mainstream.

I would agree that lots of women would feel uncomfortable discussing their own periods in front of male colleagues (and Poss female ones too but to a lesser extent),.

A general discussion is fine of course but to expect individual women to discuss their own menstruation with male colleagues is a bit much. We aren't there - small steps and all that.

I wouldn't do it now tbh.

Also IME men in the workplace do tend to talk over women, dominate etc. Of course a lot of women don't notice as it is just the norm. We had a good one when the new women's network opened, it became all about the men almost immediately!

TulipsTulipsTulips why is it silly for people to want to be private about their own bodies?

I'm pretty open about mine but I don't expect every woman to have to be.

Do you imagine there is anything stopping men finding out about periods if they really wanted to?

Really interested to hear how this went OP.

I hope it was ok for you.

Periods are private, it is not silly to want to keep aspects of your bodily functions private. Asking/demanding women to talk about their private situation publicly is not on. It should be only if they are comfortable and no one should be shamed or told off for not wanting to.

When are men expected to talk about their own bodily functions like this?

Anytime - who cares if it isn't inclusive to men? Seriously, WHO CARES? Why should we ever care about not including men on IWD?

Moralitym1n

I've been a nurse working in urology - plenty of women think they wee out of their vagina. Lack of knowledge about female bodies isn't limited to men.