Period talk event...men invited and I feel weird about that

[MinesaBottle]

I’m going to an IWD event at work this week, it’s about periods (period poverty, sustainable sanpro, menopause, dealing with periods at work and other topics). I’ve just found out that it’s also open to men...now I’m not sure I want to go as I don’t feel very comfortable talking about some aspects of periods with men, particularly ones I don’t know very well!

I get that they’re trying to be inclusive but surely there could be another way of informing men about period issues? I guess I’m also concerned that any men who attend will do the usual thing of taking over the discussion, making it about them etc. I’d still like to attend but I’m also nervous that if I object I’ll be piled on to, there are some women who think it’s just amazing that men want to get involved in these things. There’s a guy who is writing an article about sanpro for some magazine (!) and rather than advising him that a real ally would suggest a woman write it, some women are fawning over how great that is.

I wish we could just have one thing to ourselves without men coming in and grandstanding, or am I being mean and pessimistic and non-inclusive?

I think there is not a chance in hell that a bloke won't have a strong opinion and express it. I would definitely go, though, but I wouldn't share anything personal in a situation like that. I would challenge any man that tried to dominate proceedings. I think I'd quite enjoy that.

Maybe I've misunderstood, but this sounds like it's an event targeted at women dealing with their periods in your workplace? Is that right? If so, I certainly wouldn't discuss my own experience in front of male colleagues, unless they were there specifically to gather info and take notes for something in an official capacity. I absolutely agree that men should be involved and educated about period related issues, but not that women have to disclose private information in order to achieve that.

Well, unless, of course, there's a session about dealing with erections at work, or needing to poo. They're normal bodily functions too, but nobody would expect men to share that info with colleagues.

This may not be useful but this brings to mind that Netflix Doc 'Period' about how it is such a taboo subject in India. Might be useful as an example of how women should feel free to speak at this event and not be restricted in any way.

I was on a training recently about womens health and period poverty was covered the loudest most opinionated person was a man and it was flaming irritating yanbu I don't think everything has to be inclusive.

I agree with assassinated

If the talk was about General things like period poverty or taboos around periods then I wouldn't have a massive problem with men there

But if its about personal things like dealing with periods at work then i dont think they should take part

assasinateds idea of a general talk and then men and women going off separately to talk about specifics and then bought together at the end is what i would rather see happen

All the men will go 'Ewww!' and stay well away.

It would be interesting to see what the men would actually have to talk about. Pound to a penny if they were in a room on their own, they wouldn't be talking about periods.

MinesaBottle
Could you clarify the information you have about the event? E.g. who is facilitating the event, how long it lasts, how its billed or described etc

You might get more relevant advice depending on the expectations of the event.
Are there other IWD events at work?

There are 2 different, separate conversations to be had.
One is to educate men about periods. The other is for women to talk about periods.
They cant take place at the same time.

Not everything has to be inclusive of people who are outside of the target group.

Absolutely agree with the pp about how male colleagues would feel about a dealing with erections at work session attended by their female colleagues.

• There are 2 different, separate conversations to be had. One is to educate men about periods. The other is for women to talk about periods. They cant take place at the same time.

Not everything has to be inclusive of people who are outside of the target group.*

Yes. Maybe it should be structured as a two part session. The first (longer) part is inclusive of all females, and exclude all males. The second part is open to anyone who wishes to be there. The sessions should be in that order so that women have a chance to 'find their voice' - some will have hopefully become more confident to express their concerns, and perhaps one of the aims of the first part would be to draw up a list of issues men can actually help with, which the second part could then focus on.

Absolutely agree with the pp about how male colleagues would feel about a dealing with erections at work session attended by their female colleagues.

Imagine!

Assassinated- I work in a mainly male environment and have discussions on all kinds and of stereotypical male/female topics and I just don't think it's true to say males dominate. I think it very much depends on the approach of women present. We can't say we want equality and then exclude men. How can we really expect them to understand the female perspective! Have generic rules of engagement that apply to everyone so no individual (make or female) can dominate by all means but excluding men because the poor little women won't be able to have their voice heard if men attend is not the way forward for pushing women in the workplace to the forefront!

I guess your personal experience discounts all the research.

If you read what I'd written, I'm not suggesting that men are excluded. I'm suggesting they are included appropriately. I'm suggesting that the organisers are aware of the potential issues and have planned for them.

Oh, I dunno. I'd be really tempted to turn up with a 'tash painted on, and then make a point of aggressively complaining about being excluded from the topic of the session which is clearly deeply trans phobic.

It is a literal violence to be talking about your female privilege as owners of actual real life fannies. Just shout that, at the top of your lungs, each time anyone else tries to speak.

Hopefully, next time, they will sort their posters out to exclude people who have no biological reason to be there.

Well I have aired my concerns to the organizers and been told there’ll be strict ground rules, plus as there will be group conversations some of those will be women only. I hope it does go well and we can all get something out of it, and perhaps if the format doesn’t work they will change it for any future sessions.

Assassinated - you can exclude my experience if you want to but as someone with a Senior Mgmt role in a male dominated industry I'm pretty sure I didn't get there with an attitude of needing events policed as my poor meek woman's view won't be heard otherwise. If we want equality and inclusion then excluding men isn't the way to go. I'm pretty sure lots of women would complain if there were men only events.

Anyway, as I said below, an approach to ensure so single person can dominate (male or female) would be reasonable if that's the concern.

One of my previous male line managers was the first man to come to an IWD event when invitations were extended to men. It actually showed fantastic support for women in the work place and provided him the opportunity to understand a female view. Surely, that is helpful rather than harmful.

I really think if we want equality then it goes all ways! I also see this from another view, my husband is a stay at home dad and yet the mum's in my child's class insist on a 'mum's whatsapp' group that dad's aren't invited to share information and 'mum's nights out'. Also ridiculous.

Oh that sounds positive, @MinesaBottle, glad they've actually thought about it in advanced. Maybe they should have been clearer in the stuff they sent out though!

Sounds like the organisers have been considerate hopefully it will go to plan.

as someone with a Senior Mgmt role in a male dominated industry I'm pretty sure I didn't get there with an attitude of needing events policed as my poor meek woman's view won't be heard otherwise.
Bear in mind though that not all women have (or want) Senior Management roles. Plenty won't have your confidence and that's fine. That sort of attitude is all well and good but there are plenty of women who don't feel comfortable making themselves heard and even less so on a personal topic with men that they work with. Some won't be comfortable talking about it with other women that they work with.

My guess is most men won't be interested in attending, but those that do will fall into two camps: 1, will want to listen and learn and generally not be a problem. 2, will want to dominate and tell women how they're doing it wrong and make it all about them.

It concerns me that eg Muslim women or older women would be put off attending by the thought of discussing this in front of men

How old are these older women? 80, 90? Born before WWI? Amazing that they are still in the workforce and having periods too!

I'm 60 and I find this squeamishness/ oh periods are so embarassing ridiculous. Some women seem to have a vested interest (although why escapes me) in maintaining it.

I'd have thought it would be younger women who'd tend to be shyer of discussing periods in mixed company than older ones.

I don't think it's squeamishness or embarrassment so much as it is a normally private bodily function. Generally people don't talk in detail about bodily functions, especially not at work with colleagues or superiors. The comments up thread about asking men about how they deal with unwanted erections in the workplace is a useful comparison. I wouldn't have any issue with any man who didn't want to discuss that with me at work!

The comments up thread about asking men about how they deal with unwanted erections in the workplace is a useful comparison

No it isn't. Unwanted erections don't impact on employee's health and ability to perform in the workplace. I may have missed the point but isn't this in a work context? To consider the impact on employee's?