Conflicted

[DemisRoussoss]

Hi!

I’m a bit confused/conflicted about something that’s just come up.

I have been GC for about a year, and am falling down various rabbit holes.

Anyway, I work with vulnerable people and as part of my work I try to introduce my clients to social connections/opportunities within the local community.

Anyway (again), a local community enterprise group consists of a women’s group, and I’ve supported my client to get to these groups.

The volunteer ‘leader’ of the women’s group is obviously (to me) a mtf man. I don’t know how far they are into their transition, but I can tell. I genuinely don’t know if this is because there’s no natal woman who wants to do it, or what.

It occurred to me that my wearing a ‘woman’ t shirt could hurt their feelings, and I don’t want to do that.

Anyway, I just wondered how to square my gc self with my compassionate, accepting self?

This is the difficulty. My client is very socially isolated and she has begun to make her own links within the groups.

The trans person is a volunteer and as such doesn’t have any responsibility for the group.

My last message was to funky

Its your responsibility to find an appropriate group with strong safeguarding practices to refer your vulnerable clients to.

OldCrone, I don’t know of any. My client seems to enjoy the contact so far.

It’s really about me. But I don’t seem to be able to express my feelings.

Thanks user but I’m already aware of safeguarding

So you're saying your client is fine with it, the other people in the group are fine with it. It's you who is not fine with it for all the usual gender critical reasons?

If no one else objects, I can't see what you want to happen, particularly.

Vulnerable women are perfectly entitled to look at a man identifying as a woman, as a leader of their group, if they wish.

Unless you can identify actual damage?

Towel - I don’t think I expressed myself properly. Not a metaphor, maybe esoteric message? Idk.

Datun - yes! I’m grappling with my feelings and am obviously not doing very well. But yeah. I was just a bit that a tw was leading the group (albeit in a voluntary capacity).

And thinking ‘why is this happening?’

Yes, agree with OldCrone it is abusive to get people join the group under false pretences which it is if it's advertised as a single sex group and is, in fact, mixed sex. The lying is the problem. Could it be more clearly explained to people that it's mixed sex?

And then thinking ‘well, this person is trying to help other people and doing A Good Thing. But hang on a minute, this is essentially a MAN?’
My client uses feminine pronouns for this person btw.

I don’t know. I know what I wanted to say but I’m not very good at it

It is not difficult.

You are responsible for a vulnerable person.

You have sought to place that person in a group which is taking advantage of vulnerable people. This concerns you but you refuse to act and instead seek to dodge responsibility. Your posts about tshirts, hurty feelings and esoteric messages are just downright odd.

Find something better. Do your job. Stop being complicit.

Your job is about your client's needs first and foremost. It's not about you. If client benefits more from the group than they risk by accepting the dodgy safeguarding, then client is in a net positive position. So leave it.

If you want to join the group yourself, then your GC feelings obviously come into play.

Yeah but my job is (partly) to connect my socially isolated client with her community.

Sadly I don’t have it in my remit to create this for her and so I’m using the existing resources. My issue isn’t her issue in this case: the volunteers are DBS checked and supervised under a cic.

So yes, I am doing my job and I’m pretty good at it.

Thanks titchy, cross posted with you.

So yes, I am doing my job and I’m pretty good at it.

Oh cool, why you asking us then if it's ok that you have placed a vulnerable person in the position of gaslighting victim?

Are there other groups that are genuinely single sex?

"Nobody is being given a choice about whether a male born person, who may still have a penis, is an appropriate choice of leader for a support group for vulnerable women."

Exactly, and the first person to (rightly) question the situation will be accused of being transphobic.
A tiny hair on the dog's tail is wagging the entire dog.

Towel, not to my knowledge.

SpeakUp - what would you suggest I do instead, given the limited resources available, and knowing that my client feels comfortable in the environment?

Well the thing is you haven't really given enough information to be specific.

If you want to post where you are and what your client's interests are I am sure you will get an avalanche of suggestions.

You have said a lot about a nice volunteer man doing good running a woman's group whilst everyone pretends he is not a man and whether his feelings may be hurt by a tshirt.

Suggestion is find something else. Avoid gaslighting environment. For some reason you seem averse.

You don't say how many times you have been to this group, whether it is one group or many, what other options are available, who in the group your client is connecting with and whether there is scope to pursue healthier relationships outwith the group, whether other carers have concerns, whether you have raised the issue with your senior, etc.