should I complain about the way this therapist approached me on tinder

[misseightyeight]

Hi all,

Not sure if I'm being precious, or if this is legitimately not ok. Opinions please. I matched with this guy on tinder: his full name and occupation are on there: CBT therapist with NHS. He asked me if I wanted to play a game of questions, I asked what that was, and he said: do you like (among other things) having your hair pulled?

I was like wtf, that's so disrespectful of you to ask that, and blocked him. I do however have screenshots of the convo, and I found him on linkedin. I am thinking about making a complaint, because this could put women he talks to like that off going to a therapist. Surely by anouncing publically that he's an NHS therapist, he is representing them?

However, I am not sure if I am massively overreacting, as he is not my therapist (thank god).

Side note: online dating sucks.

I agree with you especially as his name, picture and role are on there. There will be guidelines for him to follow re social media.

Also agree. Inside if you ended up being referred to him for cbt after!

Therapists need love too! And kinky sex by the look of this one

However, you have to ask why he is “advertising” his job on Tinder. I presume to give people instant confidence and trust that he’s a good guy. If he really was a good guy, he wouldn’t be doing that. Dodgy as fuck!

@weasel that's what I thought too: instantly thought nice guy because of his job title. Glad to see I'm not completely overreacting.

Dodgy AF, yes complain. That is not a good way for a therapist to behave.

Sounds typical of Tinder from what I have read though :(

@platter i actually changed the app because I thought it was too outing. Its a more relationship focused one than tinder.

It's entirely possible that some arsehole has taken his details from LinkedIn and made a fake profile.

Yes, absolutely, complain. You should be able to find out his accrediting body and make a complaint to them, as well as to his employer. Therapists have a professional and ethical duty to recognise how their behaviour represents the profession as well as understanding how it may impact existing or potential clients outside the therapy room.

Meh, I'd just assume he was a bit kinky. I don't think because he's a therapist this precludes him from being kinky. Nor does it mean he's bad at his job. I couldn't get worked up about this.

It's not my thing, and it's clearly not yours either, so just move on. It is what some women are into. And as long as it's between consenting adults there is no issue.

It's the kind of thing I'd expect on tinder (or online dating in general). Soooo many creeps!

But, most employers- and almost certainly NHS- have policies about representing them online. Using his job title and employer on tinder would likely breach that policy and behaving like he has is definitely not ok.

I'm not sure about complaining exactly but you could make them aware of the profile and unsavoury behaviour.

Therapists have a professional and ethical duty to recognise how their behaviour represents the profession as well as understanding how it may impact existing or potential clients outside the therapy room.

Yes, and he undoubtedly knows this so if it was him looking for a bit of sex chat I doubt he would have advertised his profession.

In this situation I think it's some catfisher trying to gain trust by using someone else's details.

Can you report the profile to the site?

Ok, so its Tinder for a start. Sorry, but expectations. Take out the cbt therapist part and he would be annoying, but you probably wouldn't report him. I do think your point about not representing the profession well is valid and also might put other women off, but I'd ask what are you online for? To meet someone worth speaking to, so just ignore, don't waste your energy on him.

But, most employers- and almost certainly NHS- have policies about representing them online. Using his job title and employer on tinder would likely breach that policy and behaving like he has is definitely not ok.

I work in the public sector and it would be breaching my employer's policy to mention it on a dating app at all. That's why it is reportable. The kink is neither here nor there.

@FaithFrank me too, i don't even link my employer to my Facebook or insta because of the policy. Not everyone is aware - as is evident by one person who shared some Britain first BS on a profile stating their employer. They no longer work here.

An earlier pp mentioned someone could have just used this guys info. If it is him bringing to the attention of his employer would be enough for them to take action- I doubt there would be any change to behaviour if it's a genuine profile but at least others won't be sucked in by a job title.

I have sent you a private message OP

I have an insanely busy morning and will try to get back to you later today.

The posters who say that this could be someone using fake credentials are correct, however I have experience of real, accredited therapists behaving in similar and worse ways.

You are correct to be concerned, whatever the reality of the situation

I would assume he is a therapist as he says.

I'd report it. It actually being him is more likely than it being someone pretending to be him. When you hear hoof beats think horse, not zebra.

It's really difficult for therapists on online dating sites, luckily I live in a different place to where I work now but i did always used to worry clients would see me on there!

I also used to lie about my job until I'd met someone face to face, therapists either attract oddballs or the job puts people off.

This guy was stupid to put his job and employer on his profile, but anyone would be silly to include so much detail I think.

Am not sure he's done anything report worthy but if it makes you feel better then fine.

Hmm I'm a psychology student and tend to swipe right more often if I see that sort of job title as I assume I will have plenty in common to talk about than I might say with someone who works as a computer programmer

I don't think a therapist would ever accept a client (I hope not!) who they'd come into contact with on a dating app so I don't think you have to worry about that ever happening

But yeah I imagine it might be breaching some code of conduct to advertise their job title and workplace on a dating site

I dated someone who was a therapist and worked in the NHS - they had that on their profile but no photo and certainly didn't begin with being inappropriate, after we had met and begun dating they were of course like anyone else, they didn't maintain a therapist code of conduct- because they weren't my therapist and we hadn't met in that capacity. I wouldn't have dreamed of reporting them - I would simply have blocked if I didn't like something they said or did

I think it's overkill to report probably but they should be more careful about how they interact online if they are going to have photos and job title up

Actually I do think reporting is a bit OTT

You don't report people who work in other jobs who do that do you?, you just block

It's a dating site after all, not a referral

Seems like an overreaction even people who work for the NHS are entitled to a personal life.

Agree putting his job details seems odd but then I'm not on Tinder so have no idea if putting your job is normal. I'm not sure what exactly is being complained about here. If you wouldn't complain about someone in a different job wanting to pull women's hair then why complain about him? Do any women like having their hair pulled? Seems odd that he thinks some might like it and makes him sound a sadistic creep but he's warning you he's a sadistic creep and maybe thinks 50 shades shows lots of women find that crap erotic.

I've seen 'kink friendly/aware' therapy advertised, maybe he's one of those? I'd put my money on a catfish though, who thinks a therapist will instantly have women at ease and just wants sex chat/nudes hence the crude opening line. I don't think an actual therapist would advertise their job, especially the NHS bit, then talk like that immediately.

What about people who write 'I'm a secondary school teacher' and then send a (what they consider) flirty, but inappropriate, message. Report them to the council for teachers? Or I'm a Paramedic? In fact what about that uniform dating site? Maybe he really needs to be on there

Not to undermine OPs feelings. Online dating indeed sucks.