feminine gender performance: a massive time sink

[learieonthewildmoor]

I retired from work last year and have been having fun playing around with lipstick and nail polish, things I never had time/priority for when I worked. I also stopped dye-ing my hair and have grown it long.

To keep my hair from going frizzy and brittle I use 4 hair products - shampoo, conditioner, oil, spray. Nail polish? A long prep time and then needing to remove it fairly quickly - a few days- because it's chipped. Takes a significant amount of time. Lipstick is not hard, but if I worried about re-application, well, energy spent thinking about my lipstick and the time spent re-applying rather than inter-acting with other people. The amount of time I spend to achieve what I perceive is the socially desired effect is ridiculous.

I am thinking about the painted images of women throughout the ages. Skinny women = poor: Rich woman= fat. (Now that has changed: now rich women are the ones who have the time and money to make themselves skinny.) Rich women had elaborate hairstyles and clothing that could only be achieved because they had slaves/servants to do them.
So many young women talk about the time they spend getting ready for work, making themselves "presentable"- and then face the criticism of being too over-done. Even though women have achieved the right to work and own property, "women as objects" has not died.
I have been boggled by Korean "beauty" regimes involving 24 different potions and creams, and not at all surprised to see Korean women coming out and calling bullshit, in a massively misogynistic culture.
Make-up etc is marketed as "fun" - and I admit I see the appeal of that- looking after yourself, taking care of yourself. I used to think the main purpose was to keep women as consumers: but now I think keeping women insecure and unable to compete with men in the workplace/society is the real impetus behind it.

I think that’s pretty uncontroversial! Have you read Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth? 1990, I think. She argues that images of prescriptive beauty have been imposed more heavily on women the more legal/financial/professional barriers they have broken through.

I think a lot about this and I think you're right. In Dorothy Sayers book "Busman's Honeymoon" there was a bit I found thought-provoking. Lord Peter and Harriet wake up, and he trots off to shave etc., while she lies in bed musing how men nowadays have to spend longer on their toilette than women. It must have felt so liberating to be free of corsets, long hair in elaborate hairstyles, and the craze for body hair removal hadn't really gotten started yet and not that many women wore makeup, while men were still expected to be clean-shaven daily and have to spend time on that. We got that knocked out of us pretty quick.

Loads of good points learie (which autocorrect keeps trying to change to a patronising 'dearie').

Totally agree with Parthenope, check out TBM if you haven't already. Wolf's observation that beauty ideals are used to keep women in their place is spot on. I personally CBA with beauty stuff and she made me feel OK about ditching it. Very grateful to her!

And hardly any young men even bother to shave these days, making things even more unequal!

How true, Banivani. Women in the 1920s and 1930s would still remember the bad old days, when their educational and career opportunities were severely restricted. Not to mention reproductive choices. Looking back, it seems as if women have been taking two steps forward, one step back, for the last 100 years.
Total derail but on a snowy day like today I just want to sit by the fire with a copy of The Nine Tailors!

Continuing derail - glad to see someone else who loves The Nine Tailors! I know it's a bit too "numbery" and the solution doesn't really hold water but I like it anyway :)

I was shocked talking to my nephew to discover his gf takes an hour every morning just on hair & makeup! Every morning!

I think Harriet Vane would have worn The Tshirt....

Yep.
Beauty duty exists to keep women insecure and preoccupied with time consuming and expensive rituals, which keeps them too anxious and busy to fulfil their real potential in the world.

I agree. I think it’s interesting how optional it feels depends on who you are.

So I don’t wear make-up but then my mum didn’t and not many of my mum’s friends did. So I went through the obligatory blue nail varnish and too much eyeliner phase. But as an adult, if I wear make-up a handful of times in a year that’s a lot. I never think about make up, I’ve never had a bad response to not being made up, no one has ever visibly noticed or commented.

Clearly there a lot of people for whom this isn’t the case. I assume it’s a cocktail of what’s your family’s normal, what work you end up in, etc etc.

I have nothing against make up I feel totally neutral about it. But that clearly isn’t how a lot of people feel.

I shower at night, or at work if I cycle in, so in the morning I get up, dress and leave. I can be up and out if the door (having straightened by fringe - I’m not immune!) in 15 mins, easy.

All that said, I do feel it’s easier for men. I do need to think about what I wear, there is the ever present shoes issue, I could not get away with shambling in to work in a crumpled blue suit and nylon tie and clumpy black shoes. I would not be taken seriously - the men I work with are. I do think it’d be nice to have that weight removed.

I was reading an article about school uniform by the head of Harrow and he was saying when everyone is dressed the same their minds are free for higher things (slightly less pompous wording but that’s his point) and the inverse is true. You can only think so many thoughts at once. If you have a lot of beauty/other mental Labour it’s going to use a greater proportion of that time up. Thus, if you can create that obligation in others you can oppress them by having that labouring under all your mad rules while you’re free for other things.

Long winded way of saying: yes I agree, but it’s brain space not just time.

Thinking about Harriet Vane and the beauty myth -- Sayers is very dubious about women who 'titivate' and are unduly concerned with their appearance, but on the other hand, she is very concerned with a 'correct' and pleasing appearance, and is quite clothes-conscious. Look at all those bits in Gaudy Night where Harriet is wearing something very well-cut and appropriate and rolling her eyes at the untidy-looking female undergraduates lolling around in backless swimsuits or the ridiculous dresses and fussy hairstyles of the other old members at the Gaudy.

And Harriet, while she never wears makeup and doesn't appear to give her hair any thought, is lucky enough to have wonderful skin and to be striking enough, even if not conventionally pretty, to make a ladies' man like Peter Wimsey fall for her when she's in the dock being tried for murder! What you are supposed to be when your hair's natural state is 'semi-wrecked bird's nest' and your skin hasn't Harriet's natural glow is less clear!

Mixed feelings about this. I bloody love clothes, and anyone who says I’m wasting brain space thinking about what to wear can quite frankly fuck right off. I think the urge to play with your appearance is arguably a human trait and, if it were more acceptable for men to enjoy it, we might have been spared some of the current nonsense.

That said, for various (mostly non feminist) reasons I’ve not been wearing make up for the past few weeks, and I must admit I’ve really come to appreciate those extra 5 minutes in the morning. And now I’ve got used to it, I’m not even sure whether make up makes me look better (whatever that means) or just more painted. It’s making me think about what I do because I enjoy it and what I do out of... well I’m not sure what.

I love clothes too and I used to enjoy makeup before allergies happened. It's not the doing it for fun, it's the being obliged to put so much time and thought in every single day that takes up the brain space. If you wear makeup every day you can't opt out of it on the odd day you CBA without getting deluged with "are you ill" "you look tired today" and the like. It becomes a chore.

I’m not convinced by the brain space argument. Do we really believe men devote all that extra space to ‘higher things’? Aren’t they supposed to spend most of it thinking about sex?

However I do agree that the list of what’s considered to be basic grooming seems to have grown exponentially.

I think having well chosen clothes allows one more individual expression than wearing elaborate make-up. You have to get dressed in the morning anyway, so it's zero extra effort. Make-up is time consuming to apply and tends to be quite bland and conformist. I would rather let my inner beauty shine through unobscured....

(Sitting here in sweat pants and old jumper but I believe I brushed my hair earlier!)

I think it just becomes another thing to be judged on - too much makeup and who are you trying to impress, not enough makeup and you’re not making an effort, particular make up makes you look like a tramp or a clown, expensive make up shows you’re frivolous and value the wrong things, this make up makes you look old and dated, that make up is for teenagers not for the likes of you and on and on and on. Yet another aspect of life that should be optional and enjoyable and is turned into a minefield.

I found it interesting that when I gave up wearing make-up 6 or so years ago, no one noticed.
Once I had got used to my face without it, I no longer noticed either and don't spend much time looking in a mirror at all now so maybe I'm hideous.

Bubonic I gave up wearing make up around 8 years ago as a month-long challengey type thing (not social media inspired, I was in my last year of a difficult course and decided I'd rather have the extra time to just "be" so gave it up privately). Literally no one has ever noticed, but I do wear foundation and mascara once or twice a year for weddings etc. I do enjoy the sense of ceremony and pampering (ditto shaving legs, exfoliating) as it's such a novelty now.

It’s interesting how culture plays a part. When I lived in the UK I’d do my hair and makeup every day, even at weekends. That meant primer, foundation, concealer, blusher, eye shadow, mascara, eyebrow pencil, lipstick... and probably some other deeply boring stuff. Since I moved to Germany and discovered that women here generally wear much less makeup, I’ve ditched almost all of it. I’ll wear mascara, concealer and blusher at the most and blow dry my hair in the winter but not summer. I’ve also ditched my high heels and tailored dresses for work, in favour of jeans, blouses and flat shoes or boots. It saves time, saves brain space, saves money. I think much less about how I look and I’m more secure and confident about my appearance.

Obviously if you like doing all this stuff then great, but I think if we can shift the average or “normal” way of looking towards less make up then so much the better. It can hardly be empowering to wear make up if you feel that you have to in order to fit in.

My nine year old told me a while ago that she wasnt going to wear makeup when she's older because shed read on Google that women who don't wear makeup are happier with their lives. She's very clever, my daughter.

If I don't have any eye makeup on, I look like my dad, especially as my hair is short and silver these days. So I wear some every day, but I do it just for me.

floisme if you enjoy it then you should continue to do so. Many women don't though. It's a chore and a source of stress that they never have the right thing to wear. I'm going out on Saturday night with 3 good friends to somewhere we wouldn't normally go. We've had several texts and chats about why the hell we're supposed to wear. It's not fun, it's anxiety inducing!

I am decidedly ungroomed, and suspect I am riding on a rapidly waning notion of scrubbing up rather well if I can be bothered. It's like I know that because I can do all the preening stuff and pass for conventionally good looking, I can't be asked. No make up, no hair removal, cut my own hair twice a year, even ditched my contact lense subscription last year on environmental grounds. But I do love nice clothes.

I gave up as mascara started ending up smudged under my eyes, I read somewhere that your eyes set back in the sockets more as you age which could be an explanation of why it all started ending up in my cheeks. The waterproof stuff is horrible. Plus, I had a dread of that make up all sliding into your wrinkles look.

As fa as I'm concerned I'm beautiful so best not to look in the mirror too much and shatter my illusions.

I have a job which often involves early morning starts. The men in my team were teasing the women about how we all got up so much earlier than they did. We pointed out that in order to look acceptably professional - none of us would fit even into the category “well-groomed”, just acceptable - we needed to do so much more to our appearance than they did.

I need to wash or at least style my thick, wavy hair so it doesn’t stick out sideways, and I put on make up (just tinted moisturiser, powder, eye shadow, mascara), dress in more layers of more inconvenient clothes... but if you say this, you’re stereotyped as a vain female. You just can’t win.