Aspie teen says he's trans, looking for advice.

[jamrollyolly]

My 16 year old son has just told me he's suffering from gender dysphoria. He says he doesn't want to be a toxic male. I said he can be any type of male he wants to be but I don't believe he's really a girl. He's never been particularly feminin. I think he's confused and being influenced. Any ideas of helpful posts/ groups/ websites for both of us? He says he's bi, which is also a surprise, but of course not an issue.

He says he doesn't want to be a toxic male.

Is there a way you can gently point out to him that males (the dominant sex class) appropriating the identity of females (the dominated sex class) is actually just a new version of the same old toxic masculinity?

Being male is of course not in and of itself toxic. Hammer that point home. And males who are prepared to try to develop understanding of what actual females have to deal with in a misogynist society are very, very much needed. Aspiring to be a non-toxic male is a very worthwhile endeavour.

Obviously difficult concepts to get over to a troubled, sensitive, teenage Aspie boy, and obviously got to be done without shaming or blaming him in any way - but if he really, really doesn’t want to be a toxic male, is this something you could explore with him?

Thanks everybody for the helpful links, groups and suggestions.

We are of course focusing on letting him know how supported and loved he is. I'm obviously biased, but he really is a young man with a very thoughtful and individual outlook, which we applaud. I've stressed to him that male can mean many things, as can female and that he can be the type of male that he wants to be.

I'm also very aware that he's a teen and I could do easily push him in a direction by disagreeing with it, so stepping very carefully.

FWIW from a random on the internet OP, I think he’s very lucky to have a mum like you.

Is there a way you can gently point out to him that males (the dominant sex class) appropriating the identity of females (the dominated sex class) is actually just a new version of the same old toxic masculinity?

This. Show him the video of the thug going apeshit over misgendering and ask him where he thinks the toxic masculinity really resides.

I started a thread about my son a few months ago. We had a horrid few years where my ASD son so was so confused he was on suicide watch and couldn't even get anti depressants. Thankfully it turned out fine for us in the end but it took a great private counsellor and a lot of patience and understanding. He is no longer displaying any "typical" feminine traits and has ditched eye liner etc but still has long hair and is very very firmly gay. He is still with his boyfriend and the longer they are together, the more comfortable/at ease he seems in his "gayness".....he even invited his boyfriend to our family boxing day party which is a MASSIVE step that shows his increasing comfort with his new sense of self.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3396488-Exactly-like-TGT-said-it-would-work-out

My son is not a toxic male and will never be a toxic male. He may struggle to understand other people's emotions occasionally but he knows that he needs to treat everybody the way he would expect to be treated and his manners are impeccable. He will stand up for the people that are weaker than him and the people that do not have a voice. He knows what is right.

Your son can be, wear and achieve anything he wants and still be a man. But he can not become a woman. But that is fine, women need good men on their side to call out the bad behaviour of the toxic males.

Hi Jamrollyolly

Feel free to ignore Gendered Intelligence, Mermaids and Stonewall if you want to exclude the advice of people with years of expertise and who are in line with most internationally agreed best practice.

My advice is to read everything out there, not just material related to one point of view.

Your kid may or may not be trans, but do be careful you don't get caught up in the advice of people who aren't thinking about your child specifically and who may try to convince you to ignore the real needs of your child to be heard and taken seriously.

Feel free to ignore Gendered Intelligence, Mermaids and Stonewall if you want to exclude the advice of people with years of expertise and who are in line with most internationally agreed best practice.

Mermaids training for teachers etc (transcript pg 10)
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3454658-recording-of-mermaids-training?pg=10

Helles Belles
Wow that's a fantastic hopeful story, thanks for sharing .

Skyzalimit

Are jelly babies internationally agreed best practice?

@sky

Don't be obtuse, trans supports the enforcing of toxic gender roles. Men can wear a dress and still be a man. Why else would a 6ft 4 bearded trucker call Dave feel the need to wear pink lipstick and a wig and be called Sharron to be in touch with his wimminy feels. He could just wear the wog, be a man and support other men but that takes courage as it is still judged. But Nothing, NOTHING about being a woman involves the paint and perfume style fripperies that men seem to think it does.

Mermaids are a parent support group who have somehow gained an awful lot of power and influence.
Stonewall are an organisation set up to support gay men and lesbians, that have turned into a trans lobbying group, I suspect in order to continue raking in their enormous income and thus keeping salaries going.
Gendered intelligence? Lack of intelligence more like.

How about pointing him towards role models of men who challenge toxic masculinity?
People like Sir Patrick Stewart, Ryan & Luke Hart.

Autist here with one Autist kid from three. Been stalking as wanted to understand this groups views on this topic. From my preplanning research; i'd recommend you offer him two months of N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC) supplements in exchange for a new video game or other incentive, then see where you are after that.

OP you have my every sympathy. I know you will, but just keep on reminding him how very much you love him. Xx