Dear Topshop

[IfIwereMrGreen]

I know that last year you changed your changing room policy to gender neutral (mixed sex).

Did you think about the impact of this?

Today, I had to use your changing rooms. I managed to find one cubicle that had a curtain that covered the entire doorway! The others didn't. If I had not found this cubicle I would have had to have left without purchasing anything as I don't feel comfortable exposing my wobbly bum to everyone!

I was really grateful to find this cubicle because after I started to undress I heard a man a few yards down from me persuading his partner to try on clothes. He was very loud and kept insisting that she tried the clothes on even though she kept saying that she wasn't sure and didn't really feel comfortable trying them on. By this point I was really happy that my curtain could fully close because he kept pacing up and down and if it couldn't close then he would have actually seen me in my undies!

When I left the cubicle, I saw a mother with a young teenage girl looking for a decent place to change. I told her about the cubicle that I had found with a good curtain and she thanked me. I said to her that it was difficult to find somewhere to change here with privacy. She agreed with me and went to the cubicle that I had shown them.

When leaving, I walked past the loud man. He was inside the cubicle with his partner still trying to get her to try on those clothes! She didn't look very happy.

The jeans I tried on didn't fit past my wobbly bum so I handed them to the changing room assistant on the way out. I asked her about the policy for allowing men into the changing rooms as I felt a little bit uncomfortable with a man being in there. She said that the policy has not come without problems. She said that they can't really ask a man to leave unless he is going into someone's changing cubicle. She also said that they have had men refusing to use the changing rooms upstairs in Topman as they prefer to use the changing rooms where young teenage girls and women go. I guess this is fair enough though as these gender neutral changing rooms are for everyone now! She said that it sometimes makes her feel uncomfortable when grown men go in there but she can't say anything. She referred to cross-dressers, but I didn't correct her terminology as she was only young and probably doesn't know about the stonewall trans umbrella.

Anyway, back to my point. I know it's nice to be nice and nice to include everyone so they can buy your clothes, but I decided to walk away from your store today without purchasing anything because I just felt so uncomfortable in those changing rooms with the loud man and the way he was treating g his partner. I also didn't like that your young staff have to make decisions about who they can let in to use the changing rooms, so they just let anybody in no matter how uncomfortable that makes them feel.

Regards,

A. Mumsnetter

Top Shop is one of a few places that I couldn't shop in any more due to my bigoted amygdala reaction to male bodied people in allegedly safer spaces. Sadly, the list of places where I can no longer go and know that I am unlikely to be assailed by overflowing adrenaline and the shame of my body's reaction to it is getting longer as the entire world bows down to the mighty god of gender.

I wonder what they'd do with a screaming visible terrified crying woman rather than an angry one? Angry women are easily dismissed as being mean to the poor menz, but would they actually force their staff to tell a crying woman her terror is unkind?

If I was near a TopShop I'd be tempted to work out the old acting muscles and find out.

AAK as I’m an unglamorous middle aged woman I imagine that I’d be treated with disgust & removed by security.

I still smile when I think of the Victoria Wood sketch when she remembers trying to enter Topshop, the shutters coming down & a siren alert-Middle aged woman with hips trying enter.

A Daily Mail story complete with photos of a crying woman being removed from a TopShop for being scared of the hulking brute (dress not required under new rules, if a bloke rocks up looking like he should be running the pub in Albert Square that's just fine) in the women's changing rooms could be excellent peaking material.

Sounds grim. Please send it the letter. Send it to your local paper too?

As an aside, Freddies of Pinewood make great jeans for curvy women. Retro styled, so not to everyone’s taste, and not cheap, but proper, hard wearing denim so last for ages and made in the U.K. www.freddiesofpinewood.co.uk/ladies/ladies-jeans?limit=100

You can usually find second-hand ones on eBay too.

Bringing to light mixed sex changing rooms by using Topshop as an example is an excellent idea...teenage girls...often shopping alone or with friends...how many men wouldn't want to be in the changing rooms with them?! It would peak some Dads in particular.

I think I will write to them. I don't think it will have much weight but I will feel better if I do.

I am very busy until the new year, so I will update when I send it and obvs will update if there is ever a reply!

My main line of concern is the lack of privacy and dignity. There was a concerned mother there, a teenage girl, a woman who couldn't make decisions by herself and a member of staff who felt awkward...and me. I would guess that the only person who felt comfortable was the man.

I will be careful not to drop the female staff member in the shit so will not mention our discussion, but will mention how staff could be put in a vulnerable position if they ever did need to ask a man to leave.

I've always thought the best tactic would be to scream in terror and run out of the toilets or changing room shrieking "There's a man in there!". Hysterical over-reaction can work both ways.

As an aside, Freddies of Pinewood make great jeans for curvy women. Retro styled, so not to everyone’s taste, and not cheap, but proper, hard wearing denim so last for ages and made in the U.K

I'm a committed non - jeans wearer but those are gorgeous and so stylish.