Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Man as the centre of his own kingdom

33 replies

FloralBunting · 14/12/2018 19:18

I've been mulling this one for a while, watching the behaviour of men in a group of women online and in reality.

There's a certain type of man who is very keen to be holding court. It doesn't seem to register with him what others are making of his behaviour. He's the kind of man who honestly believes that if he has the last word, he can sit back, fold his arms and feel like a conquering king.

The misogyny is as plain as day, but I'm wondering what the psychology is. Do men like this really think everyone is looking at them in awe? Or is the kick just in the ability to shout down?

And how do you, as a woman, deal with the mini kings holding court?

OP posts:
HestiaParthenos · 14/12/2018 19:20

And how do you, as a woman, deal with the mini kings holding court?

By not attending, I think.

If you can't avoid such a man, ignore him.

Original poster
FloralBunting · 14/12/2018 19:26

Online, yep. I think it's the only way.

In RL, it depends where they are. At work it can be more difficult.

OP posts:
R0wantrees · 14/12/2018 19:29

There's a lot of well-established evidence about the differences in man and women's language patterns in spoken conversations.
Its interesting to observe similarly obvious differences on forums such as this.
I'm sure there's a lot of scope on this board and other social media platforms for a phd or two!

WrathofbubonicKlop · 14/12/2018 19:44

Holding court yes, in real life, I see many young women are so eager and keen to ask him anything. I notice this in sports coaching.
The archetype skiing instructor.

WrathofbubonicKlop · 14/12/2018 20:00

And how do you, as a woman, deal with the mini kings holding court
I only really noticed this as I got older.
I can't unsee it now, so I have to disengage.

BlindYeo · 14/12/2018 21:35

I think the kick is just in the ability to shout them down, like you suggest. It's control. Power. Very rewarding for some. Why are some people like this and not others? Combination of personality and testosterone but that's just my opinion. One can see future offenders in the classroom.

It's an alien psychology to me because I am more motivated to make people like me than to force them to submit to my verbal bollocks down the pub. I do that on Mumsnet instead WinkGrin

Sarahjconnor · 14/12/2018 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Womantheonlykind · 15/12/2018 00:09

Yeah laugh and ignore in that order, it's a game and games are no fun when the other person won't play. The rage is fairly instantaneous.

ClosdesMouches · 15/12/2018 00:21

It's the ability to shout down.
First they resurrect a zombie thread (on Relationships) about sex workers, go into detail about how they like to buy women and then choose a 'cause' to shout about. Today it may be transwomen, yesterday it's justifying buying women's bodies

Materialist · 15/12/2018 03:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SimplySteve · 15/12/2018 04:12

The misogyny is as plain as day, but I'm wondering what the psychology is. Do men like this really think everyone is looking at them in awe?

Yup. It's all about control, and power. Too many men think they are King Shit and literally believe they can have anyone, and anything they want. It's shameful.

flyingdragonzog · 15/12/2018 04:32

I think I deal with them with eye rolls and silent mocking of them to myself

In real life I fuck them off enough that they disappear quite fast or I disappear myself

dredwardarabbatemple · 15/12/2018 04:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Neurotrash · 15/12/2018 07:45

I actively don't fawn as many women do.

I really noticed this yesterday with one of those energy companies that have 2-3 people punching on you in shopping centres. The men talk AT you repeatedly and some can be quite intimidating. They also ask you again and again if you happen to pass.

There was a young woman for the first time yesterday. She was extremely polite when I declined but also recognised me several times

juneau · 15/12/2018 07:53

I think a lot of men (particularly men of my age - 40s - and older), were raised without the same level of socialisation that girls/women were. It was okay for their dads to be sitting on their arses reading the paper and when he spoke it was expected that the little women would stop talking and listen, because the man was the one who earned the money and he should be listened to and respected. I notice among men my parents's age (70s), that there are A LOT who enjoy holding court while everyone pretends to hang on their every word. Tedious old goats!

Neurotrash · 15/12/2018 07:53

And politely said, 'ah yes madam, sorry, I've already asked you.'

Neurotrash · 15/12/2018 07:56

I think I deal with them with eye rolls and silent mocking of them to myself

Yes same here. Lucky to work in a mostly female environment. One of this ilk came in (and honestly the other men we work with aren't like this) and we all put up with him till he buggered off to pastures new/ climbing blagging the ladder, breathed a sigh of relief and got back to normality.

53rdWay · 15/12/2018 08:07

I was stuck next to one of these in a postnatal ward once (his wife was in the bed next to me). Spent hours upon hours sat back in one chair, feet up on another, loudly regaling patients and staff alike with his oh-so-fascinating stories and opinions. Occasionally he held his newborn.

What level of total oblivious arrogance does it take to know for a fact that most of your audience have either just given birth or are working on a busy hospital ward, and still think they all want to hear from you?

SophoclesTheFox · 15/12/2018 08:20

It is an interesting phenomena isn't it?

I get a lot of this at work (banking), so I have had to learn to corral and contain it. My best tactic is waiting for them to pause momentarily, then say "Can I just jump in there" - as if I was going to make a point or ask a question, then let them continue, but crucially, I don't then let them continue. You have to just steel yourself and talk right on over them. I hate it! But they're so oblivious.

If they're someone that I can't do that to (seniority, politics, or having a day when I can't be arsed), I lean my chin on my hand, cultivate a rapt expression and think about what I'm going to make for dinner while they rattle on.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 15/12/2018 09:37

He's the kind of man who honestly believes that if he has the last word, he can sit back, fold his arms and feel like a conquering king

Have you ever noticed that many like this are as thick as shit?

SnuggyBuggy · 15/12/2018 09:41

I can see why some men must be so bitter if they have grown up seeing their dad behave like this and mum going along with it only to find their contemporary women aren't always going to go along with it.

That said many are so thick skinned they probably don't notice.

BigotedWoman · 15/12/2018 10:11

I notice among men my parents's age (70s), that there are A LOT who enjoy holding court while everyone pretends to hang on their every word.

There's one in my family except he is particularly bad and can't engage in conversations that don't centre him. He genuinely looks baffled when people talk amongst themselves or start other conversations say at a dinner table, he really doesn't know what to do.

QuentinWinters · 15/12/2018 10:15

force them to submit to my verbal bollocks down the pub. I do that on Mumsnet instead Grin

WeRiseUp · 15/12/2018 10:23

I tried to avoid where possible and take the piss where it isn't.

WeRiseUp · 15/12/2018 10:28

It reminds me of this poem shared on the "toxic hotbed" thread.