Man as the centre of his own kingdom

[FloralBunting]

I've been mulling this one for a while, watching the behaviour of men in a group of women online and in reality.

There's a certain type of man who is very keen to be holding court. It doesn't seem to register with him what others are making of his behaviour. He's the kind of man who honestly believes that if he has the last word, he can sit back, fold his arms and feel like a conquering king.

The misogyny is as plain as day, but I'm wondering what the psychology is. Do men like this really think everyone is looking at them in awe? Or is the kick just in the ability to shout down?

And how do you, as a woman, deal with the mini kings holding court?

Sometimes all one can do is divorce him!

Oh yes, my ex is an excellent example of this sort of man. What he lacks in knowledge And insight he overcompensates for in bullshit and hot air. If challenged he projects all his feelings of stupidity and inadequacy right back onto you, and if the belittling comments and scolding fail, he reverts to shouting and threats. He’s a real catch, I tell ya.

On the rare occasions I’m required to speak to him nowadays I employ the same dismissive ‘yes dear’ so beloved of him when we were in company.

The thing that by far and away gets his chains rattling though is to dispassionately remind him that, as he’s not actually at the centre of my life or thoughts, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what he thinks. Oh how upset and hard done by he feels by that. I’m such a selfish, heartless bitch. ‘Yes dear.’

can't engage in conversations that don't centre him

I've seen boys as young as seven like this - little lords, I think of them as. Really disruptive in classes and clubs. Sometimes dad is the role model for the behaviour, sometimes it's being an only child or the apple of mummy's eye; some are well off, some are not - there's no pattern to it, but the child has either been completely centred, or is working to get noticed by an adult figure that acts the same way.

I have been known to issue a sharp "it isn't all about you" from time to time!

He genuinely looks baffled when people talk amongst themselves or start other conversations say at a dinner table, he really doesn't know what to do.

Does he try to interrupt and re-center himself? Or just sit there looking confused until someone notices and intervenes?

Angry it depends. If it's a topic he wants to talk about or feels he has to share his extensive knowledge of (🙄) he will butt in, otherwise he just sits there silently until it moves on. Usually we just ignore him as we are actually enjoying hearing someone else speak! Once he has actually left the room because we were discussing a topic he has no interest in and therefore can't be involved in.

I have a coworker like this. I am his boss. It is very, very trying.

Oh Christ. To be honest I know very few people like this so I had thought it was more his narcissism than a male thing but sadly it's probably more common that I thought.

Mine likes to explain how to do things to our other coworkers. He is always wrong.