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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

This Facebook post gives me the rage...

46 replies

CrimpBrunette · 05/12/2018 19:17

But I seem to be the only one as I can't find one negative post on it! "Women ask for a provider", wtf? Am I the only one who finds this ridiculously outdated? Shared by one of my friends on Facebook.

This Facebook post gives me the rage...
OP posts:
HomeStar · 05/12/2018 19:56

CAN YOU WAIT ON HIM wtf. I think he meant to type "wait for him" but I suspect a Freudian slip.

I don't think you're wrong to have rage OP. It's not even just the content, it's the tone, sort of wheedling and manipulative, criticising women for demanding too much, implying that the demands which he's projecting onto women are contradictory and illogical so he can project those qualities as well, praising his own self-sacrifice by comparison to the mean demanding women, playing up his martyrdom but BIG... yeah. I bet this dude is a manipulative nightmare of a partner.

oh, and "Can you handle it" because you see, if you think this dude is a manipulative nightmare of a partner, it's because you're not good enough. Obviously.

CrimpBrunette · 05/12/2018 20:22

Totally agree. Really want to comment on it but I'd no doubt be fighting a losing battle!

Loads of men have commented on the original post, tagging their partners "take heed" and the likes. In 2018, really?? Hmm

OP posts:
ScottCheggJnr · 05/12/2018 20:24

A rather patronising and poorly written post, yet I can certainly attest that many of my male friends hate their stressful corporate management roles and only persist to support their families.

rightreckoner · 05/12/2018 20:26

I don’t understand it.

I’m a single parent and I work FT and then do the home shift as well. Nobody’s giving me a medal.

MIdgebabe · 05/12/2018 20:29

I would say the same Scott, but I would class as a female colleague.

nellodee · 05/12/2018 20:33

What a lack of respect for his partner's role. My husband and I have roles that are pretty much the reverse of gender stereotypes, with me working the longer hours and him working part time and taking on a considerably larger share of child ferrying, cooking, laundry, housework, etc. I think we are very much an equal partnership and am fully aware of just how much harder my life would be if we both worked full time.

The difference is that whilst I am enormously grateful at not having to come home late, cook, throw clothes in the washer, make pack ups, prepare kids bags for the next day, and all the rest of the jobs that need doing, the jobs so many of my fellow working mums do on top of hugely long hours, this entitled bastard has never even considered having to do any of that for a single moment.

Twat.

Dothehappydance · 05/12/2018 20:48

Well it is totally contradictory

I am doing this because I love them, but I never see them. So 'stuff' is more important than being with people.

I never see you but the fridge is full of food from Waitrose so life is good.

TinselAngel · 05/12/2018 21:31

The answer to that is "so

TinselAngel · 05/12/2018 21:33

Pressed send accidentally!

The answer to that is "so if you were single, you'd quit your job and get a different one with less pay and less hours?"

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 05/12/2018 21:44

Wait on him

Im not fucking waiting in him...and i love him!

He has just finished cleaning the bathrooms lord love him

I might get up and get the next beer...

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 05/12/2018 21:45

Oh and dh enjoys his 'high powered' job

(Not sure what the criteria is for that)

ScottCheggJnr · 05/12/2018 21:45

The answer to that is "so if you were single, you'd quit your job and get a different one with less pay and less hours?"

I think some certainly would.

When I was a driver several of my mates always said they'd love to do my job but their wives would never let them.

TheCrowFromBelow · 05/12/2018 21:49

What a Load of utter Cock and Bollocks
The sketch is really creepy as well

SarahCarer · 05/12/2018 21:49

Oh ScottCheggJnr would you take your pitiful wining somewhere else? Plenty of us work hard to support our families and still manage to take responsibility for the choices we've made and respect our spouse's contribution to our shared lifestyle.

SarahCarer · 05/12/2018 21:51

*whining. I wouldn't mind wining nearly so much

StrangeLookingParasite · 06/12/2018 00:16

I've always found that any man who refers to his wife/partner/girlfriend/significant other as 'my lady' is a cringe-making creep.

Just my experience, others may not, obvs.

AngryAttackKittens · 06/12/2018 00:38

"My lady" makes me feel like he should be wearing armor and preparing to go joust and I should have on one of those hats that look like ice cream cones.

indieshuffle · 06/12/2018 06:19

I can think of quite a few RL examples where men have been in this situation with their wives who have a particular expensive and time consuming hobby, and had very one-sided relationships, but really the responsibility is rather on toxic masculinity as an influence in why those men chose these very materialistic and selfish women rather than someone who would be an equal partner to them.

Seeing these men trotting round after these particular selfish women (way over-represented in this hobby), helping like a servant and paying for everything was nauseating and yet in this particular hobby not uncommon, and frustratingly, at the time I was single and looking for a relationship, there seemed to be plenty of men who would self-harmingly choose and facilitate these women, (some who took it as a price to be paid for other attributes and/or who put the wives on a pedestal, the 'my lady' fantasy, and did not actually see women as people and value human qualities such as kindness and fairness but were attracted by narcissistic high spenders, perhaps mistaking narcissism for demanding respect, a la other men, 'successful' men in the hierarchy), and at the other extreme many men who expected to be put first, would not accept that a woman had her own time consuming interests and behaved quite stereotypically selfishly, and very few men in between. Needless to say I was attracted to neither type.

I see this is the product of toxic masculinity and patriarchy and capitalism as much as anything. Nothing to do with fairness or feminism or women who want a man to be a caring responsible husband/father.

I think perhaps "wait on him" is American for "wait for him".

TheNavigator · 06/12/2018 06:33

If most 'good jobs' have 'crazy hours' (really?) then I suppose women can never expect to get a 'good job' as they need to be waiting on their man who provides. Vommy vom vom.

I have an expensive and time consuming hobby. Just as well I have a good job that doesn't have crazy hours and a husband who isn't a sexist neanderthal. Who knew my perfectly average life was living the dream?

ScottCheggJnr · 06/12/2018 06:46

OhScottCheggJnrwould you take your pitiful wining somewhere else? Plenty of us work hard to support our families and still manage to take responsibility for the choices we've made and respect our spouse's contribution to our shared lifestyle.

No whining over here. From your responses to me on other threads it seems to be you who can't take it when somebody disagrees with the mumsnet matriarchy.

I stand by my (truthful) statement that many of my male friends do jobs they don't really enjoy to provide for their families. In spite of what people like you would like, men are still the vast majority of breadwinner in this country in situations where only one partner works full time.

CrimpBrunette · 06/12/2018 07:03

I've always been the breadwinner (even when I was on maternity leave), now been divorced for 4 years and never asked anyone for a penny. Did have a lower earning cocklodger for a while who I soon kicked to the curb! To assume it's everyone or most is ridiculous.

Scott, if your mates aren't 'allowed' to leave their jobs then they are in abusive relationships and need to be big boys now and leave.

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 06/12/2018 07:03

I don't understand why you are too scared to write a negative comment on that ridiculous FB thing op! "Utter balderdash!" ought to do it.

CrimpBrunette · 06/12/2018 07:06

I did, i said it was ridiculous and outdated

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wherethewildthingis · 06/12/2018 07:08

Absolute confirmation that women cannot win. We also have the reverse of this where I am the higher earner and work very long hours at times. My husband works part time and is main child carer. I am frequently told how very lucky I am to have a man who supports me to pursue my career!

wherethewildthingis · 06/12/2018 07:09

Not by my husband, I should add!! Usually by random people that we've just met.