I'm okay with looking 40

[Flamingoose]

I'm turning 40 this week.

My (much, much younger) colleagues have been falling over themselves to assure me that I don't look it (#humblebrag) and that they never would have guessed that I'm 40. And they're meaning to be nice so I say "haha, thanks!"

But actually, I do look 40. I literally am a 40 year old woman and so by definition whatever I look like is what a 40 yr old woman looks like. And when I was their age I would have thought that was a compliment too, but now I'm sort of, a bit thoughtful about the fact that 'looking like a 40 yr old woman' is a bad thing, and it's a supposed compliment to pretend that I don't look 40.

I look in the mirror and I don't look like I did 20 years ago, but I still have eyes and a nose and a mouth and a decent haircut and I like how I look. Crows feet and sun damage and all.

YES!

I’m turn 40 next year and I feel similar. I’ve got lines and wrinkles but that’s because I have lived in my body for 39 years. What’s not to like about that.

Congratulations on your 40th

Good. I'm glad you are.

Forty is nothing. You're a spring chicken! Enjoy being still young.

I hear you OP, I get the same you don’t look your age blah blah blah, this is what my age looks like! I am this age! I know it’s meant as a compliment but I want to say what do you expect me to look like? I think they have pre conceived ideas in their head of what certain ages look like and when you not meet their pre conceived idea that you don’t look a haggered wreck it’s quite a shock, can’t blame them really as women are bombarded daily that we are old and past it once we hit 40 it’s conditioned into everyone’s sub conscious, it’s time it stopped.

Take no notice, you will come into your ownn at 40+ & be glad of it. Trust me, i know what I'm talking about. The best is yet to come.

Congratulations.
I get exactly how you feel. I am a bit older than you but I like how I am now. No more acne, my skin is clear. I am confident in my clothes and now have time to enjoy fitness.
I am not young anymore. I have a peppering of grey and a wrinkle or two but I am “glossy” and healthy.
No more angst, and being happy in my skin feels really good.

I'm approaching 40 and the comments have already started. Ive had 3DC between 31 and 35. My body shows the damage my face doesn't so much. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary and the difference was minimal for me but DH has aged considerably. It must be due to genetics because we do have a highly stressful life and neither of us spend much of any time looking after ourselves. DH has lost 30lbs this year and he does look so much better for it.

I'm so thankful that turning 40 isn't 'over the hill' anymore. I remember when my father turned 50 and my grandmother turned 70. They looked so much older than people do at those ages today because mentally people aged themselves. It's now acceptable to stay active through advancing years and do activities previously considered unsuitable for a person of elder years. Thank goodness!!!!!

Personally I can't wait for the 'fuck you 50s'. That sounds like fun!

I am 50 with hair a few cms long as it is growing back in after chemo. I like everything about me and the way I look. I was very fit and apparently healthy when I was diagnosed with bone cancer this summer. I have been on bed rest a long time so I am a bit more soft and cuddly now. But that's ok. I don't feel remotely disgusted with myself. I really like me and DH is always showering me with love and affection too. I am also glad my 2 teenage girls accept and like their wonderful selves.

I also think 40 is young, in fact I think 50 is young!

I was 40 at the beginning of the year op and was dreading it!
I found some old pictures recently and I don't think I look too bad considering I smoke but I have very dark hair that has been going grey since my early 20's and it grows unbelievably quick so I have to colour it every 3 weeks.

I have actually embraced it and am enjoying being 40. It's given me a kick up the arse to look after my skin better, to make time for myself and to only buy clothes that I love.

Life begins and all that

I am 40+ and I am growing the hair dye out. I decided I could not be bothered dying it any more - too much hassle, money and chemicals and men don’t do it, why should women? Not saying everyone should so this, just that it is an option.

Apart from that, I like my age. Young women can have their time now - it comes with many insecurities and challenges for lots of them. The best thing you can say is that you are comfortable with yourself, as you are saying here.

I agree and it's so refreshing to hear other people say it. I'm 38 and if I look it- good ! There's no shame in looking your age it's part of who you are,

Younger people don't get it, they're just being nice and probably have an image in their head of how 40 looks. A 20 year old girl I worked beside told me that I don't look like I've had two kids ! She meant it as a compliment but it still made me laugh,

I had this recently. My age came up as it was exam results day and we were discussing getting the results and I I let slip that when I got mine there was no email so the fact I am 44 was exposed. Cue “no way” “ I can’t believe it you don’t look it “ etc. I was abit taken aback. I am 44 what is so wring in being or looking 44?

I always feel a bit embarrassed if people say I don't look my age, as I do look my age (48) and I am perfectly happy looking 48. I feel embarrassed for the youngsters who feel they need to reassure me, it's patronising, but it comes from a good place...

Still I wish they did not, as it's a lie and then I have to pretend to believe them

There is definitely a skewed image of older women.

As we are humble bragging, the last time I was asked for ID to purchase alcohol was when I was 41. I haven't actually tried since then though!

I know I do have a "baby face", but the years are still there!

I do kinda feel like the world expects us to look a lot more elderly than 40 is!

I couldn’t agree more OP! I am not beautiful (never have been), but I look like a healthy, happy 39 year-old woman, and will be perfectly happy to look like a healthy, happy 40 year-old woman when I turn 40 next year.

We accept wrinkles etc in men as a desirable sign of maturity, why not in women too?

I’m 41, and look better than I ever have. Also, and more importantly, I feel great about myself, I have confidence and no longer give a shit about what anyone thinks about me. I feel amazing.

I think all this bullshit about aging is the patriarchy trying to keep us small and vulnerable at the stage where we come into our own. They can’t have confident sexually powerful women running about, find something to keep them insecure. 40 year old men don’t freak out at their age, they are regarded as in their prime.

Love that idea AltogetherAndrews. It's not that long until I'm 40, so I'm going to sock it to the patriarchy by not giving a stuff 😄.

The 40 - 50 decade isn’t “young” realistically it is middle age for most of us but when did “middle aged” become an insult?? By definition there’s as much to come after the middle as before. I’m mid 40s now and don’t see why I can’t do as much in my 50s as I did in my 30s and contribute as much in my 60s as my 20s. In my 70s I can be as selfish as a teenager 😂

Isn't it something women just say to each other to be nice?
I'm not aware of men complimenting each other on their looks (usually the opposite - banter), women often supprort each other much more.
I do hate getting older though, I'm well past 40 and don't enjoy adding another year on.

I'll be 47 next birthday and yes I get the comments you don't look it. I notice other women my age and we all look different. There is no one size fits all. I guess its well intended. I'm perfectly happy with how I am though which I wasn't until I hit the big 40

Although it's also depressing actually.

How can we keep women busy? To keep them from talking and organising and challenging?

Right, how about this, generally chronologically:

1. Instil the idea that a woman's value is based on her appearance
2. Having children, then caring for them (obviously women's work)
3. Wifework on top of everything else, whilst simultaneously instilling the idea that women can have it all (Why don't you have it all? You must be doing something wrong 🤔)
4. Instil the idea that women are over the hill, just as they might be beginning to have more time and to feel more confident
5. Caring for older relatives (obviously women's work)

I think that pretty much covers most / all of a woman's lifetime. And every single stage is a win for the patriarchy.

I get similar comments

However i hate my nevk which is betraying me and going all flabby so im getting something done about that

So its weird to think that when i get those comments in future...it wont be because of some weird idea of how a 49 year old women should look...I'll have to put it down to having work done.

It is just bring nice of course and the sayers are being kind. What’s worth examining is why this is so that being 40 plus is so dreadful it’s a compliment to be told you do not look that dreaded age. I usually spend time with similar aged people so this fawning that I “didn’t look 44” from early 30 somethings new to me

I'm 43. I went through a mini crisis about getting older when I was 38. I funnelled all the regrets I have about the past and all my unhappiness in the present into a yearning for lost youthfulness and a railing against the passing of time. It was horrible, but gradually it passed.

I remain deeply unhappy in my life, but age has nothing to do with it. In fact, I am coming to realise the opposite is true; aging brings a clarity of thinking and a loosening of some of the crippling self-imposed constraints that stymied me in my youth.

I recently had a revelation (it felt true to me, at least!) that one of the greatest universal lies sold to women is that they should fear getting older and everything it entails for their "value" as women. I have not found this to be true at all. For me, notwithstanding my ongoing physical and mental difficulties, there is a wonderful sense of a tantalising freedom on the horizon. A freedom from caring about being attractive and acceptable in accordance with society's diktats, the freedom of a new clarity of thought and vision about so much of the bullshit and nonsense that is female socialisation. There is almost a sense that henceforth I can get on with real life, now that the horrible pressures imposed on younger women no longer apply to me. Does anybody relate to this? (I might just be a bit mad.)

Bluerussian: "Take no notice, you will come into your ownn at 40+ & be glad of it. Trust me, i know what I'm talking about. The best is yet to come."

I love this!