How men ask for sex

[hdh747]

Ok, I'm not going to ask this on AIBU as I know I'll get told, 'want it up the arse bitch?' is an empowering question.
I'm quite sensitive to how I'm asked for sex, even with a long-term loving partner. Some phrases ( a lot less obviously offensive than my example above) can make me quite cringey or affronted. Eg, 'want a shag?' Now I totally know that I can say I'm not happy with being asked like that so bog off. But this is me trying to get a benchmark, for what other women (who don't find lap-dancing etc empowering since that's just not me) feel. I know I have issues around this, but I also think there's probably a line when, even in a loving relationship, it can feel unintentionally misogynistic.
Opinions please.

lots of men do a sort of doggy pelvis jiggling thing which the people on the thread christened 'jack russelling'. It turned out that 1. this is very common and 2. no woman has ever found it attractive.

Jack Russelling is for example when you’re bent over the washing machine loading it up and the man walks up behind you grabs your hips and starts thrusting your bottom in the hope of seduction. In the manner of a jack russell jumping your leg

I actually do that to my DH

My friend once jackrusselled a man, in a nightclub. He was dressed as a banana.

She bent him over and proper humped him from behind, holding his head down.

^Strangly enough, first time I jackrusselled DH he was dressed as a sandwich .

Strangely*!

That's a tip for the men. Dress up as food and he's on a promise

Going to post my poem again for anyone who didn't see it the first time. Was on a relationship thread, but works here too 😁

The Penis Poem

I know it means a lot to you
I agree it’s rather fun
But until you master control of it
Then I’m afraid we’re done

It is very off-putting
When it’s on permanent display
If you wave it in front of me
Then I’ll just wave it away

The simple word “No” means “No”
And not “Please try again”
If that is hard to understand
I have a dictionary to lend

I really don’t want to meet it
When you have a girlfriend, partner or wife
Seems it already has a home
It has no place in my life

Please don’t let it phone me
When your girl has dumped your balls
It’s 1am. I’m asleep
This is NOT the time to call

Look, I know this is hard for you
Please let that pun slip by
I don’t want it too confident
Nor do I want it shy

What you really need to do
Is to show a bit of respect
Talk to me, be interested in me
That is the least that I expect

I’m not saying no,
So please don’t take it that way
I’m just saying get to know me first
And then we might just play

I am sad to say that DP has been prone to some jack russelling, I'm glad to read other men have done it to because I've always thought it was just some weird quick of his.

It has never lead to sex though, I didn't realise it was supposed to. Just thought he was being annoying

Oh god jack russelling- my DP has occasionally done this! Luckily I love him very much and it really doesn't take much to get me in the mood!
No words needed here either.

This has been useful reading for me. My ex NEVER initiated sex. I have NO CLUE where or how to start again. I'm encouraged by the interpersonal approach that comes from understanding eachother...that it CAN work!

Sorry for the shouting. I find the lack of sex difficult to come to terms with

We both ask as "nippy nippy" with the inflection to indicate a question As seen in the TV program Friday Night Dinner

This is an interesting thread and it's made me realise that my DP who I love dearly has never actually "asked" for sex, ever. I can just tell in the way he kisses me. If I feel "it" too then we're on, if I don't it's not.

That's been the story of our lives through 50 years of marriage. It's always worked for us.

I think this very much depends on the relationship.
DH and I have no problem asking each other for a shag. There's never any stress if the answer is no.
Sometimes it happens spontaneously but other times we ask, sometimes we demonstrate our feeling to each other. We've been together long enough and know each other's signals so there has never been a time when either has been upset or offended by the other.

Really fun, reading all your comments. Never heard of the Jack russelling before lol.

How men ask for sex? Clumsily, in my experience....

In most cases it isn’t verbal, it’s physical - you start kissing and it goes from there. I enjoy dirty talk though, e.g if a boyfriend looked at me and said ‘I really want to fuck you’ or something that would turn me on, while some might find that disrespectful. A guy did once say ‘I want to make love to you’ and I nearly cringed myself inside out. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer for this

So we don't always ask. In fact for years the communication was all non-verbal. But, despite our 35 years together, we still find new things to do, and just getting more verbal was one of the things I, in particular, wanted to try. Being a pair of old fogeys, who were brought up as strict catholics (nuns and the lot in my case) we've both been a bit awkward about it, and I'm really still exploring how I feel about different things.

You've all been such good sports I will have to share this little gem with you. When I fist told him that I thought, him talking to me during the act might enhance things for me, I could tell he was a bit confused as to what I wanted. And he is the bashful sort, but he's also very willing to give things a go. So, he girded his loins, mid frolic, and launched into the details of a football match he's just watched, basically giving me a match commentary.
Doing much better now...

So, he girded his loins, mid frolic, and launched into the details of a football match he's just watched, basically giving me a match commentary.

I am laughing so hard my dogs came over to see what was happening.

Match commentary. Brilliant.
Best of all....he was trying. 10/10 for effort.

Jack Russelling us totes hilair

Is not us. Because that’s obviously the part of the sentence that makes me sound like a prick so best to get that right; , not ‘totes hilair’

Hdh that's brilliant we have the problem at the moment that DH works away mon-fri so it's just expected in the Friday or at least once over the weekend. Now the expectation is starting to put me off. Last night I was knackered and coming on so I told him outright it wasn't happening and now he's grumpy. He says he has to ask me for sex cos if he left it up to me it would probably never happened, which is sadly probably true. We've got young DC though hope things improve as they get older!

The match commentary is brilliant!

Me and my ex used to have a long standing joke about running through the 1966 world cup team in your mind to try to slow things down (part of the joke being that I usually got there faster than him anyway, and also I'm a Scot).

The match commentary is brilliant

When I fist told him that I thought, him talking to me during the act might enhance things for me, I could tell he was a bit confused as to what I wanted.

I've done this too with more than one man and had similarly bizarre responses