All the things men put their penis in

[DJLippy]

Latest piece from Make More Noise. Brace yourself.
makemorenoisemanc.wixsite.com/mysite/mmnblog/all-the-things-men-put-their-dicks-in

There was that you tuber who put chili all over his girlfriends tampon and showed how she reacted -
If that makes you feel better, tracey.

Ah the Sunday Sport. You do realise that the Sunday Sport was/is a joke newspaper, in the same manner as Viz?

I’m just looking at previous headlines:

• boy shat in teachers kettle to avoid exams
• Corbyn sucks off Boris Johnson
• Booted out of ISIS for wearing Aldi trainers

It’s not to be taken seriously. And I’m sure there’s not a few women (and men) who haven’t experimented with makeshift objects.

Most stories are made up in that publication.

Apparently, sailors of old used to take jars of earthworms with them when they went on a voyage.

Lovely 🤪

Years ago a nurse friend told me of a lady that got stuck on a gear knob in a mini with vaginismus and they somehow got her and the car into the A and E car park while she was still in situ.
And more seriously of a young girl who nearly bled to death when a test tube shattered.

I’ve had to anaesthetise various men to remove items from their rectum over my 36 years in the NHS. Usually the surgeons are tactful, and accept the chaps’ highly improbable explanations for how the said items got up there.
But not one particular one. He was a surgeon from the Middle East, brought up in a very homophobic culture, and also had a wicked sense of humour. His patient arrived in theatre with a large shampoo bottle in situ. We removed it uneventfully.
“How you do this?” enquired Mo (name changed) in the recovery room afterwards.
“Um... um.. well, doctor, I slipped in the shower and fell on it”
As I said, most surgeons would leave it at that. Not Mo. He regarded the chap with a mischievous grin, before his next question:
“Why you wrap it in cling film?”

On a similar vein talking to an theatre nurse the other day about all the things that they saw men insert in their bottoms during their career. I asked if women ever got admitted with strange objects in intimate areas. No. Never. Funny that isn't it?

Really? Never?

Yeah, not never. The radiographer from Brighton also spoke of a woman who got a set of keys all the way into her womb (so through her cervix which kingAl would have been painful) and needed medical help.

Mind you, she also had schizophrenia

I work in A&E. Men presenting with objects up their arse is fairly common. Also had patients sticking things in their penises but not as often. Nearest I have seen in a female was a very disturbed young woman who regularly ate batteries/razor blades. Poor woman was in a psychiatric unit. The men are all just dirty bastards.

I had a friend who was an a and e nurse.
They used to have a lady who was a regular with lightbulbs up her foof.

Remember though
One thing men DONT have to do is put their penis in another man to have gay sex.

But... Woman on woman (no penis involved) is gay sex... Don't see any so-called "terfs" disagreeing on that point. Many so-called terfs are gay women and don't really want penis around at all let alone doing penetrating, right?

I did not realise the 'terfs' had taken a position on gay sex I wish someone had told me. One more thing I have to gatekeep - a woman's work is never done!

I think what that means is the assumption that man on man sex can only involve anal rather than other stuff.

I once saw a picture in Bizarre magazine of a man who’d been fucking a chicken at the base of a cliff. A boulder dislodged from the top and squashed both him and the chicken. It made quite a tableau.

I have been reliably informed of A&E seeing to a woman who had a tennis ball stuck up her fango.

Ouch

I was watching a police programe where a woman was arrested. The police officer who arrested her couldn't find his phone and only when calling it noticed she was pulling a strange face and realise she had taken it and hidden it inside herself.

Wtf that octopus. How bored would you have to be on your holiday to be having octopus sex for 5 days.

The mugshots. 🤣

Every single one of them looks like a sweaty reprobate!

On a similar vein talking to an theatre nurse the other day about all the things that they saw men insert in their bottoms during their career. I asked if women ever got admitted with strange objects in intimate areas. No. Never. Funny that isn't it?

It's funny that she has never seen it. It happens. Very regularly.

I know women put things in intimate places. I would just say, Prison purse.

DJLippy not what my friend told me. She works in an Accident and Emergency and has seen everything from rotting whole fruit, to dolls and perfume bottles.

"- boy shat in teachers kettle to avoid exams"

I remember that. that one was a fake story

this is why tabloids like the sun/sport/daily mail aren't reliable sources. they can and do print stuff that's 100% fiction as a news article

I am howling wil laughter at that artfully distressed lasagne.

You can see exactly how it happened.

Also the alleged fire fighters quote from the Mirror ‘warn people to start using common sense’

Fiction, maybe. But someone is sitting around thinking about ready meal lasagnes and Greggs Chicken slices in ‘that’ way. And if one can think it, they all can think it....