Gender identity at 3yo

[WrongSideOfHistory]

I've recently completed a development questionnaire from my health visitor for my 3yo.

One of the questions was (paraphrasing) "can your child tell you if they're a boy or a girl?"

I've mentioned this to others and they've not come across it, so it must be a new thing.

Does anyone have any knowledge of this/why it's been brought in? I'm wondering if it's being linked to the growing trend of children being labelled as trans if they don't conform to gender stereotypes.

For the record I told the HV that he has no concept of boy/girl, he's just a child like his friends and the longer he wasn't impacted by society stereotypes the better.

Not heard of that, don't have a three year old,but they should explain a weird question like that. We don't have to tell the state everything about our DC!

It was just on the list along with asking if they can read emotions etc - 2x 5-6 page questionnaires I filled out...

Are you in the UK? There’s usually a two year check; I’m not familiar with a three year check.

Either way, weird question.

I've mentioned this to others and they've not come across it, so it must be a new thing.

Nope. It's a very old thing. Perfectly normal question. Nothing to do with gender identity.

He will know he's a boy. He should know he has a penis and that girls don't around this age. He will likely start asking questions about it at some point- curiosity is perfectly common.

He may also start identifying as a girl soon- or a parrot, or a fire truck or a superhero. That's perfectly normal too.

the longer he wasn't impacted by society stereotypes the better

Amen to that. My 5 YO DD started to really pick up on the gender drivel from around 3.5 onwards. It was shocking how much tosh she picked up by osmosis.

I would have thought that most 3 year olds could tell you if they were a boy or girl. I don't mean that they should associate that with other stereotypes, but is is pretty basic to know that you are a girl or boy.

@donquixotedelamancha - that's really interesting as I've spoken to a few people (including early years educators) and they'd never heard of it 🤷🏾‍♀️ - or maybe they didn't register it...

My 3yo has no concept of gender. I'm sure he will at some stage but just not yet.

Mine is three and a half and hasn't noticed gender yet, he obviously knows he has a willy and some other people do and some other people don't, but he hasn't linked that with pronouns (which he just uses at random) or gendered behaviour or interests or anything.

I expect he'll notice at some point, I'm in no rush to point it out to him. It doesn't seem to cause or be a symptom of any issues at all!

He was quite amused to find out that some cats also have willies and some have vulvas

I had this question at some point and D's is 14. Awareness both of sex differences and gender stereotypes associated with the the sexes is a developmental stage.

I was asked this question and my children are 19 and 24.

"can your child tell you if they're a boy or a girl?"

I think that's simply asking if they know which sex they are - small kids are aware of there being men and women, boys and girls - not 'gender identity'.

Well it's good to know that this isn't a new thing. With some people saying it was I was wondering if it was linked to something else, but if it's been around a while maybe not.

I'm sure he'll figure out what sex he is at some point

Nope. Not new.

It's in the ages and stages questionaire.

Both my children have had these checks.

I've attached a photo.

It isn't on the under 36 month checks - and most people have their check at 2-2.5. Hence why others may not know it. I do, because my children have had extra checks due to the older one having developmental concerns.

Forgot the picture!

My children all knew their sex at this age (from about 2) and if it was the same or different to mummy/daddy. They know what body parts they have and that they are different to the opposite sex. I think that’s quite normal from friends children of a similar age.

It’s probablh just a ‘knowing about themselves’ question and not linked to anything else.

I would imagine the ability to distinguish between the sexes and for a child to realise which category they fit into at 3 is down to thier personal experiences. If they have seen lots of family members or friends of both sexes having a wee, getting dressed or having a nappy changed, they soon realise there are two distinct types of people. Most of my Grandchildren have clicked before thier second birthday but I'd imagine it wouldn't be so obvious for children from smaller or single sex families.

@ThisMustBeMyDream - that's the one! I think you may be right, if not everyone has a 3y check they won't be familiar with it.

Yep, around 3 is when the concept of gender starts to occur to children. It’s really kind of funny considering how much we (as a culture) bombard them with it.

It happens slightly sooner but iirc for kids who have group care as they will be around some kids of the opposite sex and will begin to see those other kids are referred to and treated differently than them.

And once that concept is fully gelled, from there we get all the rest of the gender roles and stereotypes...

It’s a developmental stages question linked to sex. Lots will have siblings and will have noticed penis or absence of, and be sorting kids into ‘boy like daddy’ or ‘girl like mummy’. It’s about recognizing biology of themselves and others. It’s not about gender identity, although they may have had that forced upon them with the way they are dressed/ toys they are given/ expectations of behaviour.
But the question itself is to determine if the child has figured out the world is divided into two sexes, and which they are.
Hilarious, given the mood. I suspect this question will be banned as transphobic in the near future.

Remembering my developmental psychology modules, three year olds would generally know that they are a boy or girl but not that that state is permanent. So it would be entirely normal for a 3yo boy to want to grow up to be a mummy. Understanding of permanence may not set in until age 5. It really boils my piss that this stage, which all kids go through (although they may not vocalise it) is pounced on and exploited to further adult agendas.

Yep, dealt with this q with DS. I don't have a problem with it. They are born a particular sex and will have noticed how they are same/different physically to Mum/Dad and the kids at childcare/preschool. Gender is a different concept.

this is on autism assessment forms as well. (asking about gender)

They really become aware of their sex within the classroom.
Studies have shown that children actually police themselves and each other within early years. Boys playing with ‘boy toys’ to indicate to there peers that they are a boy and understand they are different etc
It is very important to have a good early years teacher who will role model good behaviours and challenge sexist stereotypes within the classroom.

They really become aware of their sex within the classroom.
Studies have shown that children actually police themselves and each other within early years.

This is very true. At age 4 my boy suddenly became a little gender Nazi, rejecting anything that might be 'for girls' - even though the kindergarten staff always emphasized there is no such thing as 'boy toys' or 'girl toys'. Must have come from the kids.

He wasn't like that before and he thankfully isn't like that any more now, with 7. In fact, we now always make fun of people who think interest in cimbing makes you a boy and interest in cooking makes you a girl. He always says 'but, people who think like that must always be confused, what if you like both?'

We went through with this around age 4 with DS1 and now going through again age 4 with DS2! Don't want the pink or purple cup as they're for girls, don't want to colour, don't want to play with "dolls" (but lego and playmobil figures are fine ) it's definitely an assertion of the fact that he. Is. A. Big. Boy. And wants more control than he's got.

Interestingly, we moved DS1 into an all boys school this year and it's all vanished. I think he doesn't feel so strongly the need to distinguish himself because everyone there is a boy, so whatever they do, it's "boy stuff" by definition even if it's ballet or pink socks or arts & crafts, all of which he was rejecting as "only for girls" at his previous mixed school.