Gender identity at 3yo

[WrongSideOfHistory]

I've recently completed a development questionnaire from my health visitor for my 3yo.

One of the questions was (paraphrasing) "can your child tell you if they're a boy or a girl?"

I've mentioned this to others and they've not come across it, so it must be a new thing.

Does anyone have any knowledge of this/why it's been brought in? I'm wondering if it's being linked to the growing trend of children being labelled as trans if they don't conform to gender stereotypes.

For the record I told the HV that he has no concept of boy/girl, he's just a child like his friends and the longer he wasn't impacted by society stereotypes the better.

It is quite ridiculous, isn't it Xiaoxiong? Heck even the hair length gets commented on by the fellow kids (my boy hated getting haircuts and both me and DH have longish hair, and kid once got quite disturbed when asked whether he was a girl and why his Dad didn't have short hair. DS's hair wasn't even long, just not supershort. Just a grown out short cut).
From that perspective, and seeing how strictly the kids are policing one another, I can well see how a 4 year old boy, who just feels it is wrong for him to conform to the boy stereotypes, might decide that he must actually be a girl and be quite adamant about it.

At 3yo my niece identified as a dog.

My 3yo knows the difference between boys and girls in terms of sex, but the dog / human difference still stumps him. He gets annoyed when the dog won't build Lego with him, and assumes she doesn't want to play with him. He drinks water from a bowl on the floor alongside the dog.

So when people claim a 3 year old can know their gender identity I find it so ridiculous. 3 year olds don't know their species!

I just asked mine and he said ‘no’ to either option. Tried a few animal suggestions and he selected ‘sheep’. 🐑 🐑 🐑 Baa!

At 3, both of mine could parrot that they were boys, but neither had put much thought into it - even down to equipment - they just didn't really care! The youngest (now 5) still doesn't really believe that I don't have a penis I don't think, but he's not curious enough about it to investigate further (thank goodness. The first time I told him he approached me on the toilet with a pointy finger and the intention of proving me wrong!)

I think we're lucky though, because the eldest is very self-contained, and if something isn't of interest, he just ignores it, and if it is of interest to him, then he doesn't care what other people say - and that attitude has rubbed off on his more impressionable younger brother.

It's not at all sinister or strange for a 3 year old to be aware of their sex. My oldest is 3 and since before her 3rd birthday has known that she is a girl, that girls/women have vulvas and boys/men have penises, that when she grows up she will be a woman like me, that when her little brother grows up he will be a man like DP. She's seen everyone in her family naked so she knows from her own experience that there are two sexes.

This is all very basic biological knowledge that has absolutely nothing to do with gender identity. We actively taught her all of this. OP, if your 3 year old really has no concept of boy/girl or woman/man (although I bet he can tell the difference in adults), I would definitely fill him in on the facts. Awareness of sex is a developmental milestone, so that's why they are asking.

It sounds like perhaps you got confused between sex and gender? The gender onslaught is coming your way very soon, though. 3 is the typical age at which children start becoming enthusiastic gender detectives and policing gender in themselves and their peers. So be ready to combat it when he starts telling you 'girls can't do this, boys can't do that', because it's unavoidable. My 3 year old recently told me that her brother was now a girl because he wanted a clip in his hair. It can be heartbreaking to hear when you have tried to protect them from all that nonsense, but ultimately it's inevitable, you just have to combat it as best you can.

I'm an American and have seen this on developmental questionnaires. As others said, nothing to do with gender identity, everything to do with whether they're being taught about their body and about language at home. By 3 kids should start to use correctly gendered language to describe men and women, so it's good if they know whether they're a boy or a girl even apart from body awareness, just for the sake of understanding those around them and being understood.

My child who will be 3 in late Feb already knows that he is a boy and will grow up to be a man, and that his brother is the same. He's also fascinated by the idea that women give birth, and have placentas that drop out of them after the baby comes, and that an umbilical cord once attached every person to their mother. Kids are fascinated by bodies and don't attach any shame or revulsion to these topics.

My own husband was raised in a home where, because of his mother's profession in obstetrics, these topics were commonplace from earliest childhood. As a result, he is absolutely unflappable in the face of some of the weirder and more...fluid-filled...body stuff to do with womanhood, pregnancy, et cetera. He is very matter-of-fact about all of it, and never had any idea that women were somehow "purer" creatures who are sullied by menstruation or birth, the way many men seem to believe on a subconscious level even if they won't admit it.

I hope my own boys grow up with the same down to earth attitude, for the sake of their own wives someday.

I also think it's a really good idea to actively teach children that their bodies are what makes them a boy or a girl - the only thing.

They will naturally be looking everywhere for clues about what it means to be a girl or boy and this is where the misconceptions come from, why they start thinking things like long hair is what makes someone a girl or playing football is what makes someone a boy.

Pre-emptively providing the correct and gender-free facts as to the differences between the sexes can only be a positive thing.

Does your child answer correctly?

This is not going to tell the NHS much. If a child has a very 'woke' parent they might well say 'yes' anyway. Regardless of whether the child's answer corresponds with their sex. Because of the belief that the child is what they say they are.

I've had this with both of my children. I think they are just finding out what your child knows about in general. I've worked with older children with SEN that would regularly get muddled over this so maybe it's something they look out for.

My three year old son knows he is a boy because he has a penis. And he'll happily tell anyone

My three year old started grilling me about the finer points of ‘how many holes’ ladies have..loudly, in the park.. I am quite factual with my children but must admit to every possible attempt on my part to divert him. He finally said “no mummy I want the grown up names. What are the grown up names!” . I would really rather not have had that conversation in earshot of about ten other parents all suppressing their laughter! Yes, I think it’s fair to say my children are away of their sex.