Ok, so what's all this about @xx posters being "rude"?

[ButchyRestingFace]

Come at me gently, please.

I do it all the time. And I'm a feminist.

It will email the person you are referencing and some people don’t like that.

It can feel like you're making a general discussion very personal

Yes, I know what it does, I get the emails when someone "@" me.

But I don't understand why it would be considered off form.

It can feel like you're making a general discussion very personal

But surely that's what posters do when they bold quote the person they're responding to?

Yeah. But still. Often that's why

It’s the email harassment I think.

Fair enough bold someone on a thread, when they are there to read it.

But someone going about their day getting an email they’ve been called out, it’s not very nice IMO.

Bad move from MN introducing it I think.

And I KNOW you can change your email settings but...you know...CBA.

MN is anonymous and getting an email makes it feel not anonymous somehow. It’s jarring.

I used it a few times until
I realised it was bad form (now I just bold) to say ty to specific posters who had answered my OP or to reply to specific queries

It’s the email harassment I think.

Yes, I can see people not liking getting the email if they've had a bad experience on a thread and are trying to put it out of mind yet plop, plop, plop goes the email.

If a poster asked me not to @ them, I would obviously respect that. But without a specific request, I wouldn't give two thoughts to @ them.

I generally don't use @ to tell people I think they're a "fucking dick" or whatever though. that's what upper case is for

I'm happy for someone to just bold my name but I don't like the emails. I can't reasonably expect people not to @ me so I changed my settings.

I wouldn't @ somebody unless they weren't already on the thread & I wanted to draw their attention to it.

If I'm responding to someone who's already on the thread I'll just bold them. Using the @ in that case makes me feel as if I'm being intrusive & shouty.

I'm being very careful to make it clear that is is MY preferences, how I feel, & not meant to be judging anyone else.

I hadn't appreciated this and have done it a few times when responding to people on a thread, will not do it any more.

I never even realised this was in an issue

Good to know!

Surely the etiquette depends on the context?

So, for example, if you want to ask someone a question or answer a question, esp in a fast-moving thread, which is neutral in tone, it’s fine.

Where it seems unacceptable is when the tone has moved away from neutral. In the context of a more heated discussion, it feels like being all up in someone’s face to @ them.

I have my notifications switched off.

I don't think the odd tag is rude per se. But I have seen a few threads where goady posters have done it repeatedly despite being asked not to. It is reminiscent of small kids poking each other to get a response.

I have the email notifications turned off and I've done it when someone has done it to me, but I prefer the old fashioned MN way of just bolding someone's name.

but then, I'm old and I don't get # and @ in general.

It feels aggressive to me. (I am aware this is my issue, and it's just a tech thing, but to me it feels finger jabby or something)

Tallulah, may I just say how much I love your username? It’s impossibly poetic. (Yes, I am aware of its provenance )

I just reasoned that if I turned it off, I didn't need to worry about whether anyone was @ ing me.

thinking about it, it feels, when someone @'s me, like there's an "order" to respond being the @ because at as a word is hard and quite terse and curt. It feels like they are demanding a reply. And that makes me anxious and sets my anxiety sky high, which is why I don't like it ,as I have a history of having been abused emotionally. Never really thought it through before.

aNyway, I have my notifications for it turned off and I do try not to let it annyoy me if people do it to me @ me

And I KNOW you can change your email settings but...you know...CBA.

And posters CBA to remember who, out of thousands, doesn't want to receive emails 🤷🏼‍♀️

thinking about it, it feels, when someone @'s me, like there's an "order" to respond being the @ because at as a word is hard and quite terse and curt. It feels like they are demanding a reply. And that makes me anxious and sets my anxiety sky high

Does bolding have the same effect?

Been here a year.
I've turned off notifications.

I didn't even know @ sent an email.
Only recently realised bold did the same, I thought it just distinguished a quoted comment from my own comment.

Obvs didn't read the rule book.

When I've witnessed people becoming annoyed about being @tted it's always been because they're already very active on the thread and may have posted within a few minutes of the email demand.

It's only appropriate if someone's left the thread or appears to have and the poster feels they'd want to know about their reply to a previous point or question.

Bold doesn't bother me, because that's how it has always been done that way here, and it doesn't have that @ in front of it. The @ bothers me, for the reasons I outlined above.

@mylightbulbmoment

vs mylightbulbmoment

I see an @ in front of one and not the other.

It’s the email harassment I think

It isn't harassment. It is using a function which members asked for and was provided. You can turn it off in settings.

One poster recently explained she found it very useful if she had been away from a thread to be alerted to replies to her. The polite option would be to use it and those who don't like it can disable it.

Tbh I'm surprised, given MNHQ's idea of keeping data secure is to stick it in a shoe box under the bed and hope for the best, that anyone uses their "real" email address on here.

My MN email is a gmail account specially set up for it with an address bearing no resemblance to my real name. I think I turned the @function off but if I haven't the emails are going to an account which currently isn't set up on any device up to receive mail.