Ok, so what's all this about @xx posters being "rude"?

[ButchyRestingFace]

Come at me gently, please.

I do it all the time. And I'm a feminist.

I find the notifications quite useful. If I'm active on the thread anyway and don't need it, it's no trouble to delete the email. I would always assume that anyone who didn't want them would disable them.

just turn it off if you don't like it.

@ me.

It's just a bit of forum etiquette. NBD.

It becomes a deal if posters are being told off for using it. If members don't like receiving email they can turn it off and/or use an email account which doesn't synchronise email.

It's unreasonable to expect posters to remember who has specified it should not be used or that every single post on a thread is read and digested.

just turn it off if you don't like it.

How about just don't use it? Why are you using it? This is an anonymous chat forum on a screen, why do you feel the need to email people through it?

Where it seems unacceptable is when the tone has moved away from neutral. In the context of a more heated discussion, it feels like being all up in someone’s face to @ them.

YY.

"How about just don't use it?"

Because if you don't like it you can turn it off. Some people like it. Those who don't like it should turn it off. Cliquey 'rules' about not doing perfectly normal things are not helpful.

Its only useful if the poster has left the thread

When the poster is engaged on the thread i can see how it can be irritating

And some people have used it as harassment

Having said that feel free to @ me cos ive turned it off

Plus i rarely read my emails as i set up a specific email address following that emma business

They are not perfectly normal things for everyone. The forum worked perfectly well without it for years, and would continue to work perfectly well without it now. It sounds like every excuse men have ever given for harassing and invading the privacy of women tbh. 'Cliquey' rules about doing things that are not 'perfectly normal' for all, in fact invoke all sorts of issues regarding modern technology and the pervasiveness of 24/7 availability, are also not helpful.

They are not perfectly normal things for everyone. The forum worked perfectly well without it for years, and would continue to work perfectly well without it now

Some people don't mind it though, or find it useful. Surely as someone upthread said if you don't like it you can go into your settings and turn it off?
That way people who want it get to keep it, and those who don't want it won't be notified and can carry on as they were.

This is an anonymous chat forum on a screen, why do you feel the need to email people
I don't live on MN although that's debatable in itself but when I'm not on it it's handy to know if you've been mentioned as you might miss it otherwise.

Sorry forgot to add obviously it's rude to keep on doing it to anyone who has said they don't like it.

Well far be it from me to force you to miss out on every little thing that happens. Good grief the internet used to be interesting once, not just a bunch of curtain twitchers.

I got really confused when I received one that appeared to be random but it turned out the poster had @tted just the beginning of another poster's name, which was an old name of mine. That was very annoying!

Well far be it from me to force you to miss out on every little thing that happens

I didn't say that I'm not "bothered about missing out on every little thing that happens."

I said if anyone asks you a question or mentions you you're not always likely to see it and can miss it otherwise.
This way you see easier. Well, for me anyway. Obviously not everyone feels that way, so they can turn it off if they want.

How about just don't use it? Why are you using it?

I like it. I like getting the little email letting me know so I can scan my way through the thread looking for the post directly addressed to me. Saves having to RTFT looking to see whether someone has answered my point/question, etc.

If you don't like getting the emails, you have the option to adjust the settings.

As I said upthread though, I take the point that it wouldn't be a nice thing to do on a very heated thread or to take a pop at a particular poster. And if someone explicitly requested me not to @ them, I would.

I like it.
I’m not likely to spend long on a thread so to me it’s really useful to know that someone has responded to me.

Pebble why don't you address your complaints to MNHQ. They introduced this function and presumably if enough people complain they will remove it.

Posters have explained the reasons they like it. It takes literally 2 seconds to disable it.

obviously it's rude to keep on doing it to anyone who has said they don't like it

Yes, but on the other hand it also very egotistical to assume if one said it on page 2 of a 20 page thread that everyone spotted it and made a mental note not to use it.

Yes, but on the other hand it also very egotistical to assume if one said it on page 2 of a 20 page thread that everyone spotted it and made a mental note not to use it

Good point! Never thought of that. Yes, it's rude to keep on doing it if you know it upsets a poster, but then again not everyone is going to have seen the comment saying "stop it, I don't like it it's rude!" are they?
Oof. Minefield lol

You can't really tell at what point someone has left a thread. Any post might be their last one before they go off and do something else.

Oh, I didn't know this. I've used it recently because it's easier than remembering the spelling / capitalisation of the poster's name.

There's a thing some people do in real life where they use your name every sentence, it feels creepy, like they're using it to control you. The worst case I've ever seen was that interview with the doctor chap and Posie Parker, loved how she name checked him back every single time. No question he was doing it deliberately and not from a good place.

I can't quite put a finger on why it's aggressive but it is isn't it? Perhaps it's mimicking the way teachers address someone by name if they think they're not attending properly.

So you might use it to get someone's attention if you wanted to ask them something and weren't sure they were still following, but using it in the middle of a conversation is unnecessary and feels like real life aggressive naming. On FWR people do tend to follow discussions through whereas on a thread about baby names people commonly just give their advice then wander off so you would probably need to @ them to get their attention again.

It's just a bit of forum etiquette. NBD.

Says who? And how long has it been a "thing"?

I had literally never heard of this until yesterday. I have never seen anyone snarking at someone else for using it or requesting that it not be used, even on the great bunfight that is AIBU.

The wider context is a discussion yesterday where a poster mentioned that they had been told off for using the "@" function and told it's rude.

I was bemused by this. I can understand people not liking it personally, or not liking it under certain circumstances, but I see nothing inherently rude in using a function that is available on the site and which some posters do like. Particularly when there is the option to opt-out.

I also recline on aircrafts. **.

Just in case any other older gits didn't know where to find notifications, they're under Customise, under the 'Talk' drop down arrow towards the top left of Topic pages on the home page. (I still think they're silly.)

"towards the top left" - actually, just at the top of every talk topic.

I don't get the emails because I've turned them off, but I still think doing the @ before the name feels aggressive. Bolding doesn't, it doesn't have the @ before the name.

It does feel like someone who is name checking you all the time to make you reply. It's the forum equivalent of 'oi I'm talking to you' I suppose.