Be Kind

[NoSquirrels]

I’m fed up of how fucking often this is the message to women.

Be kind.

On my Twitter feed people I know are retweeting Guides to the consultation by Stonewall and The Pool with comments like “please fill in this consultation, it’s so important for trans people - should a spouse be able to object to gender reassignment (of course not!)” and Phillip Pullman has tweeted that he finds the whole debate baffling but he’s drawn to the idea of “being kind” and his comments are filled up with “Kindness is always the answer”, “We just want our human rights” etc.

But women ARE ducking kind. We’re kind ALL THE TIME. And as soon as we say “Hang on, this is not actually a great idea for women - we support you trans folks rights BUT NOT IF THEY NEGATIVELY IMPACT OUR RIGHTS WITHOUT DISCUSSION we are harridans, awful bigoted human beings without an ounce of kindness and compassion for other people’s struggles.

The media has never seemed so misogynistic to me.

Men are NEVER told to “be kind”. NEVER EVER.

It’s fucking infuriating.

How else will the volk of the Brave New World know who is feminine and who is masculine? There's literally no other way to tell apparently.

Woman = human doormat. Self-prostrating human doormat.

And the absolute worst thing is, I truly do believe in my heart of hearts that kindness is the answer. And I teach my DC that too.

So it’s a horrible headfuck to be not on the side of “kindness” on this issue.

Which is a WOMEN’S RIGHTS ISSUE not an “anti-trans” issue.

Pro trans should have a crack at kindness. It'd do them the world of good.

This isn't kindness - we're being asked to be complicit in totalitarianism.

That isn't kindness, it's abhorrent.

this! "kindness" is endlessly weaponised against women.

“Be kind” in this context means “shut up.”

I absolutely agree with you.

I have spent a lifetime being extremely kind. But there is a certain type of person who can spot kind people a mile off. You are then easy prey for bullies and abusers and manipulators. Would most women stay in relationships with abusers if they hadn't taught to be kind? These men turn on the tears and they're so sorry and they say they love you so much and can't bear to lose you and it becomes unbearable to even consider walking away because that isn't kind.

Kindness does matter but having boundaries and self-confidence and self-respect matter more.

I am very done with being kind.

Men telling women to “be kind”. Looking upset and baffled when they’re not. It’s bloody endemic.

Stand up for yourself against a male person and you’re either a) in danger b) a harpy or harridan, being hysterical, making a big deal out if nothing or c) a bitch/a ball-breaker/full in your insult here.

But being kind is the worst crime, apparently.

Meanwhile shut up about make violence, women are mean too...

Kindness has got us nowhere. I agree completely.

But NOT being kind is the worst crime, apparently.

How kind do these idiots think it is to lock up abused women with rapists?
How kind is it to put the recently transitioned male sportsman's wish to win above the right of women to a fair competition?
How kind is it to let girls get flashed in swimming pool changing rooms?

I am so sick of the double standard masquerading as kindness.

Well the AWAs aren't kind to young girls (who don't want to have to challenge AGPs in spaces advertised as single sex), are they?

When someone calls on me to "be kind" whilst actively harming my daughters they can fuck off.

Kindness begets kindness. If they respected and were kind to girls then they wouldn't want validstion at the expense of girls privacy, dignity and safety.

My DC are getting taught the fucking difference between kindness and strong boundaries and where they interact if it kills me.

I was taught this from a young age, being the eldest in the family. Funnily enough, as the younger ones got older, they just carried on being the younger ones with me being older and having to be kinder.

I think it is more about other people's convenience. It is certainly not for your own good.

'"kindness" is endlessly weaponised against women.'

Yes!
One of the aims of the New Women's Liberation Movement has got to be to spread awareness of how 'kind' is being used against women.

I think it is more about other people's convenience. It is certainly not for your own good.

Absolutely. Turn the other fucking cheek, don’t make a fuss, you’ll make it worse. Don’t worry, everyone will see you’re in the right, there’s no need to make such a fuss. Why are you getting upset, they’re just stupid boys making stupid comments, boys will be boys, just ignore it.

AAAARGH.

I reserve my kindness for people who need it.

I am not kind to narcs, abusive people, male supremacists, totalitarians, bourgeois people claiming oppression - you know, the people who don't need it and use it against me.

Those people can fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Kind my arse.
My fav graffiti ever, seen on a bus stop outside a girls' state school in Islington:

I'M NOT A BITCH, I'M THE BITCH, AND THAT'S MS BITCH TO YOU

When commenters are calling for kindness to be compelled, and accepted as women's default position, there is no virtue associated with it - it's entitlement to women's lack of self-compassion, and even nudges us towards a position where we're expected to embrace self-harm for the notional gain of others - people who feel entitled to that sacrifice.

Yes - this sinusitis is souring my mood but I feel strongly that mandated kindness is no friend to women.

People telling me - that if I don't entirely give in to their demands that I give up being able to define what a woman is, protect women's privacy and safety and the rights for women to compete fairly in their own sports - I'm not being "kind" can fuck right off.

OTOH, AWA could be kind and stop the relentless push into our spaces. Kind need not be a one-sided endeavour.

chalk that made me !

Personally, I don't think it is 'kind' to feed people's delusions.

I do a sort of mental ‘find/replace’ function when I see this now.

If you replace with ‘shut up woman’ it makes a whole lot more sense

Yes be respectful and act with dignity, but be prepared to stand up for what you believe in.

I have not seen transactivists use much kindness when considering the impact on vulnerable women when aiming to take over their spaces. As far as I can see it is all about their feelz.