My life in sex: ‘I no longer want to make love to a person who wishes they didn’t have a penis’

[hackmum]

Interesting to see this in the Guardian. I know people have been a bit uncomfortable with pieces in this slot in the past, so this makes a bit of a change. I really wanted to go below the line and refer her to the Trans Widows thread, but they'd closed comments by the time I found it on the site.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/05/my-life-in-sex-woman-whose-husband-is-transitioning

I saw that article and was too sickened by the comments below. Heartless, gaslighting, manipulative bullshit.

The husband is very unusual in intending to remove his penis. Am I right?

I don't blame her tbh

It's all a bit messed up, isn't it.

I have to admit, I struggle to understand why a middle-aged man with three children and a loving wife would suddenly decide he wants to be a woman. Why? If DH announced he was transitioning, I would be devastated.

I reckon it's a mid life crisis for a lot of them.

I remember seeing something about how brain chemistry changes in middle age (men in particular) which reduces their considerations of how things impact others along with a renewed desire to take risks.

Males unconsciously absorb a message that is constantly repeated in the media that they should be a hero or spectacular in some way to give life meaning. I reckon many see 'becoming a woman' as a relief from that pressure, without realising that they are really pursuing that narrative by doing something as extreme, selfish and outlandish as pretending to be a member of the opposite sex.

Fronto temporal dementia is also mistaken for midlife crisis.

I can't handle all the righteous scolding about how the wife must use his new name and pronouns. Women can't have anything, not even their hold on reality.

Babelfish that is very interesting. I just Googled it. I wonder if it could explain some of the blinkered, hellbent domineering behaviour by some late transitioners.

"You have to stop deadnaming him"

Fuck that. I don't actually knowxwhy she is still with him. 10 years of this ? She could have had a new life sorted by now, free of the gaslighting twat.

Nah like what you are referring to is good old fashioned male socialisation

Don't medicalise it

contentious I agree with you. It might be worth someone screen shotting it if they can stomach it. It demonstrates how emboldened people feel to openly mentally abuse people in the name of this batshit ideology.

AF I know you are right, but it is so hard to not try to make sense of this wave of selfish, perverted males.

Some of the comments are so bloody anti-gay in tone too. Suggesting that she 'has a problem being seen as a lesbian' and that she should change her view of herself as a heterosexual woman.

Like being a lesbian is just an identity one can slide into with ease if you are not attracted to women, or two lesbians married to each other are exactly the same as a heterosexual marriage where the man presents as a woman. I can't quite put my finger on the reason I find this quite so upsetting, perhaps it is simply this idea that being a lesbian is an opt in orientation based on what men decide.

Memory function is usually intact but you get disinhibition and behaviour changes including sexual disinhibition. Empathy for others and awareness of how ones behaviour affects others also declines as well. It’s often mistaken for the classic midlife crisis in men.

I find that upsetting floralbunting because it suggests that the woman has no right to own her own identity and sexuality. She must be subsumed into the identity and sexuality of her stunning and brave spouse. Anything less than total relinquishment of who she is and chooses to be is homophobic, transphobic and selfish.

It is witnessing the worst kind of cruel bullying and destruction of personhood before your eyes. Fucking CiF.

Poor woman

Let's hope she finds the strength to leave him eventually.

Once it was teenagers who had no respect for the feelings of others. Now it seems to be men who have had it all, the marriage the children the commitment from their wife, suddenly it seems this has all been a lie and the midlife crisis includes want the chop. You have to wonder how much is the grass is green on the female side of view...
I have a few 50 year old friends who regret doing this, and losing a life they once had.

I felt horrified for her. Imagine that - you build your life with a man, have kids with him, then suddenly he starts wearing dresses and telling everyone he's female. Also, she's not suddenly a lesbian. He's still male.

It always strikes me how convenient it is that these individuals wait until they have got what they wanted out of being men before"coming out". Not very true to their "authentic self" is it?

It always strikes me how convenient it is that these individuals wait until they have got what they wanted out of being men before"coming out".

And it is galling that some of them advocate early transition after all that.

It is a bit "bait and switch" to admit to having a different sexuality years into a marriage.

Yes, she's not actually being asked to be a lesbian. It's the use of an accusation of homophobia on her part as a tool of coercive control.

"You don't want him to be a woman because you have a problem with being seen as a lesbian because you're a mean homophobic woman."

There is no concern shown there for her, and lesbians are being co-opted to reinforce some idea of shame on a woman who is entirely sinned against not sinning.

That's why it has niggles at me since I read it, apart from the obvious.

So hes allowed to be his authentic self but she isnt.

It is quite simply another form of abuse.