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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

"I'm not leaving till you smile".

52 replies

MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:02

I work alone in a small shop and we have a number of regulars. One of them can be rude/suggestive. I can deal with him usually by cutting him dead or just repeating back to him what he has said to me with a WTF look. I do not engage apart from to be polite and brisk.

Just before I closed today I had a call giving me some bad news. Unfortunately, by the time I turned back to the counter the man above was there waiting to be served. He was all "Come on, where's my smile" etc etc. I told him I had some news, was upset and asked what he wanted. He went on saying "Not telling till you smile" "Not leaving till you s mile" etc etc. I just kept asking what he wanted. Finally he told me so while making it he kept on with the comments.

Ashamed to say by now I had bloody tears dripping down my face and his final comment was "should have fucking smiled. Telling your bosses what a bitch you are".

Any help in dealing with this man day-to-day and also when I speak with my bosses. TIA.

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 03/10/2018 16:03

Your boss should ban the harassing dickhead

GrinitchSpinach · 03/10/2018 16:04

What a nasty piece of work. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of whatever the bad news was. Are your bosses relatively human? Would they be open to refusing him service for abusing their employee?

Original poster
MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:04

That's point number 1 on my list.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2018 16:04

Honestly just be perfectly honest with them and if they're decent employers they'll tell this guy where to go. I would actually speak to them ASAP and explain that there's a customer who is often suggestive, you try being formal and professional but it's actually crossed into verbal aggression today after he reduced you to tears. Can they ban him from your place of work?

Original poster
MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:06

I do think the bosses will be firmly on my side and am hoping a ban will happen.

I just felt so weak. He was enjoying seeing me like that.

OP posts:
enrichedatthegulags · 03/10/2018 16:06

What an awful man. Why do men think they are owed a smile?
I'd definitely speak to your boss.

Annandale · 03/10/2018 16:06

What a scumbag creep.

Agree with asking your bosses. Do you have to work alone? Is there any chance you could get someone else if he comes in?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2018 16:06

Are there any security measures in place at all?

Annandale · 03/10/2018 16:07

Sorry ive just seen you do work alone Blush

rememberatime · 03/10/2018 16:08

Any customer should be banned for swearing at a staff member - that's basic. You'd be sacked for swearing at him. it should be a non-negotiable for your boss.

Please point out that you have the right to come to work and not to be harassed or sworn at. That your boss has the responsibility to protect you and that if they do not, you'll consider next steps.

He either needs to be asked to apologise to you or be banned.

As long as you were polite and did your job, there is no need for any more.

99RedBalloonsFloating · 03/10/2018 16:09

Also, report him to the police for harassment, it's a course of conduct and this is taking it up a level. Even if he only gets a visit at home and nothing is taken further, that should shock him.

finnmcool · 03/10/2018 16:10

If your bosses do back you up, would they agree that he is not allowed into the shop?

Would it then constitute harassment if he continued to come to the shop?

You had a weak moment after some bad news, he lives his life as a thundering arsehole.

finnmcool · 03/10/2018 16:12

He'd be better off shopping at Ocado! Grin

ScrimshawTheSecond · 03/10/2018 16:15

He should be banned. I agree, don't muck about, don't give in one inch. Calling someone a bitch is crossing a line, never mind the disgusting attempt to force you to appease his horrible behaviour.

Sympathies, working with the public can be tough. Good to hear your bosses are sympathetic. I wonder if a sign to say that they won't tolerate staff harrassment would help at all? Be clear that you are shaken and worried about his behaviour.

Hope you feel better soon. x

Fadingmemory · 03/10/2018 16:16

He is the weak one in this situation. A man who thinks he asserts dominance by unpleasant and belittling behaviour but who in reality is a mean weakling. I am sorry that you had bad news. Hopefully your boss will put him in his place.

Original poster
MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:18

I do work alone but am next to a very busy place, so there's always staff from there around plus the security cameras.

Have left a message for one boss asking him to call me. Will explain and then hopefully get this resolved i.e. Banned.

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 03/10/2018 16:18

He should be banned, end of.

I'm so sorry, OP. I hope your boss backs you and bans him.

Original poster
MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:19

Ocado👏👌

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 03/10/2018 16:20

What a creep! Definitely speak to your boss.

Please don't waste time feeling weak. All human beings are weak sometimes, all of us have vulnerabilities.

He, however, is a nasty bully and he is stuck like that. How many people are pleased to see him? Think about it: would you want to be him? Would you want to live inside his head?

There's your answer. Grin

senua · 03/10/2018 16:27

How does the banning work. Who gets to enforce it - you, alone in the shop?

Danaquestionseverything · 03/10/2018 16:30

Why does anyone owe anyone anything. Sounds to me like you've been trained in the retail mantra "The customer is always right". Basic courtesy is enough there is no need for it to be served with a smile. Dude sounds like a creeper. We are all human. Emotions can be overwhelming and in reality it's better to feel and go with them than repress them. We are not put on this Earth to provide a performance to assuage some mans ego.

Danaquestionseverything · 03/10/2018 16:32

The above wasn't a criticism of this women. I've learned the hard way working in male oriented industries.

Original poster
MsFenellaFielding · 03/10/2018 16:39

Thank you for your replies.

Boss is ringing around six so will let you know what is said. I would expect the bosses to do the banning. However, I would have to enforce it. I feel a bit nervous at this.

Just to add, because it really shouldn't/doesn't matter, I am 50 very soon. It feels like all my life and now I see it in my daughter's life and her friends.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 03/10/2018 16:56

You are now in a position where you work alone and feel like you have been put into a situation where you feel intimidated.

If you tell your employer they are legally obliged to do something about it because it falls under their duty to protect lone workers:

www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/indg73.pdf

If you are in enclosed environment with no direct witnesses this is a situation which needs to be addressed.

iklboo · 03/10/2018 17:00

Can your bosses fit a panic button or similar for you just in case?

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